I wanted to share something that’s been on my mind, a powerful idea that really resonates with me, especially given my journey as a trans woman and my background as a former Marine Sgt.
It’s a concept from Bruce Lee, and it goes like this: “You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. The power is sitting back and observing everything that is said to you with logic. If words can control you, that means everything else can control you.”
When I first heard that, it hit me hard. As a Marine, you learn discipline, resilience, and how to keep your head when things get tough. But life throws different kinds of challenges at you, especially when you’re living authentically as a trans person.
We face a lot of negativity, a lot of misunderstanding, and sometimes, outright hostility. And let’s be real, being misgendered or hearing hateful comments can feel like a punch to the gut. It’s deeply personal, and it’s natural to react emotionally.
But Bruce Lee’s wisdom offers a different path. It’s not about becoming emotionless or uncaring. It’s about recognizing where your power truly lies.
When someone says something hurtful, whether it’s misgendering you, making a rude comment, or just spreading negativity, our first instinct is often to feel hurt, angry, or sad. And those feelings are valid. But if we let those words dictate our entire emotional state, we’re essentially handing over control of our inner peace to someone else.
Think about it: if their words can control your mood, your day, your sense of self-worth, then they have power over you. And that’s a power we don’t have to give away. The “logic” Bruce Lee talks about isn’t about agreeing with their hurtful words.
It’s about logically observing *their* words and actions. What does it say about *them*? Often, it speaks to their ignorance, their fear, or their own unresolved issues. It rarely has anything to do with your inherent worth or who you truly are.
For us in the trans community, this is especially vital. When someone misgenders you, it can feel like they’re denying your very existence, your truth. But here’s where the logic comes in: their words don’t change who you are. They don’t erase your identity. You know who you are. You’ve fought to be who you are. Their misgendering is a reflection of *their* perception, not *your* reality.
By observing it logically, you can acknowledge the comment, understand its source (often ignorance or malice), and then consciously choose not to let it penetrate your inner sanctuary. You can say to yourself, “That’s their issue, not mine. Their words don’t define me.”
This practice isn’t easy, and it takes time, like any discipline. But it’s about reclaiming your power. It’s about building an internal fortress where your peace and self-worth are protected, no matter what storms rage outside.
So, the next time someone tries to throw negativity your way, take a breath. Observe. Understand that their words are just that – words. And you, my friends, are so much more powerful than any words thrown your way.
Stay strong, stay true.
Dr. Gwen Patrone
2 Responses
Gwen,
What a wonderful piece , thanks for bringing Bruce Lee’s thoughts to us .
Sorry to repeat this example but I mentioned a lady who saw me leaving the ladies toilet at my art group . She stopped me and asked , ” did I see you using those toilets a moment ago ? ” I thought for a moment she was going to tell I’d left the light on but she then continued , ” but don’t you have a penis ?” OK not a nice situation but I looked her camly in the eye and said that I didn’t have one . OK I lied but it put the ball in her court to prove my statement , at that she gave me sour look , shrugged her shoulders and walked away . She has sinced talked me about my paintings and problems with gardening as she only lives a short distance from me .
If I’d acted any differently I would have played into her hands as she obvioulsy wanted to provoke me . I have mentioned this to certain people and everyone is appalled by her behaviour . As you comment we have to conclude she has the problem not me , if we take the time to think we can turn those words against them .
Sadly humans are affected by words , they shouldn’t harm us but sometimes they cut like a knife , we mentally bleed and suffer for far too long . The problem is some of us don’t have anyone to talk these situations through , the words fester in us and undermine our confidence , picking ourselves up is tough at times . I often found a little retail therapy helped , just looking and talking to SAs without always buying but at the same time laying the foundation for our next time out .
Perhaps the danger is at times is being over confident , occasionally the wrong angle in the mirror catches us out , thinking you looked good in something but the reflection says otherwise . At times like this we must consider women have the same problems , something men don’t experience in the same way , we all know the line , ” does my bum look big in this ?” even if it’s true we offer a kind reply .
Being transgender is riddled with opposites , we are strong and yet we are weak , we are resilient and yet fragile , we are more than caring but at the same time thoughtless and possibly selfish . This isn’t surprising , a transgender person is a mix of both genders , we can’t change that so all we can do is embrace it and enjoy what it brings to our lives .
Teresa, I have been going out enfemme a long time. I had a similar event happen to me years ago. I was online in Macy’s paying for a dress. The cashier was very nice. The woman behind me was listening to our conversation. She was an older Indian woman with a younger woman. She followed me after I finished my purchase to the lady’s bathroom. I got in a stall and saw the woman going up and down the aisle. After I finished using the stall I proceeded to the sink. The women were standing there staring at me. I ignored them and finished washing my hands and left the bathroom. That was the only time that I can remember having a problem. In the ladies room.