My Experiences In Public

Many have posted on various sites and blogs about the current climate in public, about being transgendered.

I have received a few Facebook messages and texts about “how am I doing” these days.

All legitimate experiences of those that have had issues, all kind and thoughtful concern by friends.

What I am about to say here is all me. Not you. Not those that have to live fulltime as a transwoman, make a living as a transwoman. I am an anomaly. These are my experiences. My circumstances may well be beneficial in this regard, maybe less so in life, maybe more so than someone living on the street. It’s all about circumstances and perspective.

I go out frequently. I never think twice about doing so. I never paused for second in November or in January. I also have an understanding of human nature and my rules are no different than drawing a breathe. I live and breathe: be smart, be appropriate, be confident and most importantly, be visible. By nature, I am no night owl, by nature I am generally not where shit could happen, so that helps.

That all said, I have never, ever had an issues of any kind. I have been at this for now eleven years, hundreds of times year in and year out, in front of probably by now over a hundred thousand human beings. Visible, more so than most.

What is the secret to my success? First of all, I do not concern myself about who is in office, what they are saying and doing. This I cannot control. I control what I can control.

I conduct myself with grace, class and dignity. I smile, always. I am kind to others. Kindness begets kindness.

I am blessed with certain anatomical advantages, my hands are not the catchers’ mitts of most of my sisters. No Adam’s Apple. I am tall for a woman, but not overly so. I do know how to put myself together. I workout daily to make sure I do not embarrass myself in a dress. Day in, day out, rarely is there an off day, maybe one every three weeks due to circumstances.

And, wish I knew how and why, but when I am Kandi, there is an aura about me. It has trickled over into my real life and has generally been a blessing. Long story short, when I was released from my unfortunate incarceration (early 2012), I hated each and every human being walking the planet (vehemently so). I saw life as all dark, nothing ever redeeming. That has completely flipped, all tracking back to October 2014 (read about that on the “About” page). There is an ease about me that radiates to even those that don’t like our people, that has allowed me to glide about. I never take that for granted, I never assume that will be the case, always being smart and diligent about my surroundings.

And sure, I take a risk fashion-wise here and there, but never in any “in your face” fashion. Societal change is glacial. It happens, it just takes a while. Nothing microwaved is any good outside of a cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal.

I have never, ever passed. Never have, never will. Anyone of us that thinks they “pass”, you may well, but odds are pretty good, actually very good, that you will not. Not being negative, just being absolutely honest, and also telling you, that is not an impediment, go out!

I make sure I am not standing out either. Get along, go along. For me, two things are the best. A compliment and being ignored. One means I am noticed positively, one means I am not noticed negatively.

Fit in. If you want to fit “out”, your call, just don’t complain when you have a negative reaction. You will.

Before the whole pronoun rhetoric decided the election, I implored senior level people in various national LGBT and human rights organizations to stop the whole pronoun thing because, while there is nothing implicitly wrong with it, it was clear well before the shit hit the fan that it was not well received by the general public. Microwave, not crock pot. You microwave a roast and I’ll slow cook it and let’s see which one is better. Life is no different. Look at children, those forced to grow up too quickly have a better possibility to have issues later in life. Those that are allowed to grow, make mistakes and learn, in due time, more often than not are well adjusted adults.

I have found the delicate balance between fitting in and being who I want to be.

Smart, appropriate, confident, visible.

We change minds one at a time, not every mind all at once.

My experience, my view of the world today. Mine, all mine.

You can disagree, but you cannot deny my views as I actually walk the walk, all my chips on the table.