As I’ve grown and matured as a woman and as I have experienced many times out, I have grown to realize, I don’t have to look perfect all the time. Yes, I can hear you all saying I have yet to achieve perfection and you would be 100% right. But what I mean is that I have always tried to be very well put together for every situation or place I might go and have now realized that isn’t always necessary.
I now sit back and consider where I am going and what I will be doing and let the outfit dictate from there, like most women do. I used to have an outfit I wanted to wear and wore it almost regardless of the circumstances. I love the multiple options I have: a dress, a skirt, slacks, heels, flats, sneakers, a big purse, a crossbody, a sweater, a denim jacket, a blazer, well you get the point.
In the past, I showed you a photo of me after a spin class (old blog). Since I knew how long I’d be out and where I’d be, I was able to keep the makeup light and allow myself to just go with the flow. The bottom line is that since I fool no one, then I should embrace a bit more who and what I am, not what I wish to portray that I am. I may on occasion get casually dressed in clothes that are not exclusively for women (like jeans and a cute polo), wear a bra and some light jewelry and go out. No wig or makeup, just a more feminine version of me. I’ve done this before, went to Goodwill that way. There I chatted with some other ladies shopping, tried on a few dresses and made a few purchases. I used to always either paint my nails or wear fake nails when dressed. That added to the burden of getting dressed and the nail glue began eating away at my real nails. Now a 30 second coat of clear polish often fills the bill for me.
I guess what I am saying is that I am growing more and more comfortable with me, the melding of Kandi into my male side. It pleases me greatly. This also allows me to scratch the itch, so to speak, without the significant investment of time. People seem to respect you being who you are, at least for the most part.
I wrote this probably two years back and it still resonates. We grow, we evolve, we change, circumstances shift, change, we age, we get better at all of this. This is a (a word I despise, but is appropriate) journey. Be you, be the best version of you, love yourself.
Kandi’s Words of Wisdom: Ladies, it’s not about you. It’s about how you interact with the world. If you give, you get much, much more in return. That is how you feel, you become, the woman you are! My two cents…..
Beginning Tuesday, my unbelievable travelogue from DC will run through Thursday!
6 Responses
Kandi no question I’ve embraced the real me which is a much more gender fluid person
As I like to tell those at my job I’m a unicorn
I’m unique as I wear makeup and a lot of ladies clothing to work but it’s quite gender neutral.
Yes I still go out away from work in full fem, with wig and all but as I’ve come to accept myself as trans I’ve figured out that I don’t have to go all the way to be the real me
We are who we are and you, my dear, are special!!
Kandi,
What a wonderful realization! You have now became the woman you wanted to be. Congratulations! Isn’t it great!
Isn’t it great? No, it’s so much better!!
Thank you Sue Anne for your first comment!!!!!
I will echo these thoughts.
I would love to be able to have fabulous eye makeup. Eyeliner, smoky eye, you name it. Except I’m not very good at it. Plus, I wear glasses, people only see eye makeup when your eyes are closed, and only when they are really close to you. And if they are REALLY close to me, they have probably already figured out I’m somewhere on the trans spectrum–especially if they hear my voice.
Not doing my eyes–except minimal eye liner and mascara–saves me about 10 minutes and lots of aggravation. It’s also easier to clean up afterwards, which for many of us, is often a consideration. I settle for good enough makeup; foundation, a bit of concealer, powder, some Rouge, eyebrows, mascara, minimal eye liner, and of course lipstick (which I try not to overdo). I finish a lot quicker, and the other 5 to 10% to make things more perfect won’t make me pass any better, because I assume I don’t. Going out becomes a lot simpler.
We’ll never be perfect at makeup, because we have too many male flaws to hide. Settle for good enough and spend the extra effort in projecting a positive image of yourself.
Affirmation, baby!