Without Kandi….

I originally posted this June 10, 2021. Now I want to reimagine it with updates and a little bit of a different spin.

Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me
‘Cause we need a little controversy
‘Cause it feels so empty without me

I said this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me
‘Cause we need a little controversy
‘Cause it feels so empty without me

By Marshal Mathers…

Say what you will about Eminem, this is a great song!

I would not have run, competitively, 137 races in five years (really four since COVID wiped out 2020). All distances. I actually did win, overall, one 5K, one of the first races I ever ran. Today, if I were a horse, they would put me down…

I would not have run four marathons, with a Boston Marathon qualifying time in my back pocket. Now seven and yes, I did waddle the Boston Marathon.

I would not be playing pickleball. You can laugh if you want, but the sense of community and the friends I have made have been wonderful. I was volunteering one day (I only do so as Kandi), met someone who lived in the same development as we do, trusted her and she introduced me to the game. This pulled me and my liver through the pandemic with some level of sanity. Still play, still a center post of my leisure and (non-Kandi) social life.

I would not be the generally happy person that I am. Still true.

I would not be a very small part of the fabric of The Cleveland Museum of Art. Ditto.

I would not have made some of the wonderful friends I have, would not know some of the amazing people I have met. I would not have spent a day shopping for a dress for a wedding with Wendy after having visited my dear friend Lisa. So many more wonderful experiences over these past three years.

I would not know how to properly love and be loved. I would not tell people I love them often, as I never said those words before. I would not have let my Dad know I loved him before he passed.

I would not know that feeling when an outfit looks so good, when a dress fits you so well, when you pick just the right shoes!

I would not know what true acceptance really feels like.

I would not be jonesing for my next movie opportunity! Oh yeah, I am under consideration for a Netflix feature film!!!!! Been in, I think, twelve movies now, soon to be on the big screens (hopefully) in the new Superman movie in 2024. I am so blessed to be a part of so many communities: the one here at Kandi’s Land; the acting community; my pickleball community; I would say the LGBT community if it actually were a community…

There would be no Kandi’s Land!

I might slow down a bit…… That may never happen, actually it will upon my demise.

I might have more time in my life without all the shaving, hours of preparation, driving all over the place, outfit assembly…. True that!

Would not have the feelings of guilt that never seem to completely go away. And they remain to this day and I expect will never completely go away. They don’t consume me, but there are always there, lurking in the background.

Would not have developed this writing “muscle”, which may or may not do me any good anyway. I remain a pretty damn good writer and that and $10 might get me a Happy Meal, no one cares but me.

May never have yet taken a selfie. That is a 100% certainty. Me, zero selfies. Kandi, an embarrassingly large number, approaching the amount of the national debt.

I would certainly miss her! She is my better half, but not as great as my better half, but not a bad better half…