One of the first things I struggled with once I accepted who and what I am and basically created who you now know as Kandi is okay, I am dressed….now what?
We are immediately taking two things out of this conversation. One is shopping. That is THE go-to activity. It is for practical purposes, as we do need to build a wardrobe around this new person we are presenting to the world. And of course, it can be the ultra-feminine thing we can experience in the general public (as well as keeping things “G” rated here). The opportunity for feedback, compliments, support and a feeling of community are all a great part of why shopping is such a popular activity for us girls. And it can also be expensive. Or like me, it becomes an unmanageable beast. It can also be problematic based on our personal circumstances.
The other activity being eliminated is going to the bar. We’ve all gone shopping, and we’ve all hit the pub, even if it is for a Diet Coke unless you are a teetotaler like yours truly. What I am trying to do here is create a dialog with the readers to uncover things we can do that others of us maybe haven’t thought of.
Here are some of the things I have done and by no means is this comprehensive (I am unburdened by memory).
- Played pickleball
- Run a race
- Done improv
- Taken acting classes
- Modeled (both photographic and runway)
- Volunteered (rather significantly)
- See volunteering above, have become a thread in the fabric for a world class art museum
- Earned the occasional paycheck
- Attended various conferences
- Traveled by planes, no trains and automobiles
- Attended various churches of different denominations
- Gotten ultrasounds, x-rays, MRIs and many doctors’ office visits
- Business networking
- Walked in a (mainstream) parade
- Evenings with so many great, great friends
- Handled daily errands like grocery shopping, etc.
- Attended various shows like the theater, movies, etc.
- Gone to the beach
- Appeared (or at least was on set) for about 18 movies, including a few big budget films
I make this list not to brag or show off. I make this list for the newbie who is trying to find her way in the world and to demonstrate that one can indeed be who they want to be if they are SMART, APPROPRIATE AND CONFIDENT, which will allow them to be VISIBLE!
So, girls, what do YOU do? I am not speaking to those that are full-time, since the answer to this question is live your lives. I am seeking input from those of us that cannot be ourselves all the time.
I was very proud to have survived three rounds of voting to finish at a respectable 7th place overall in this wonderful competition! Thank you to anyone and everyone who voted for me. Visibility is so important.
13 Responses
Kandi, good question!
I often put ‘I could never do what you do’ in my posts and your list proves that point. There are a number of reasons for that, all of which I am completely happy with – I’m more introverted than you, our spousal situations are different and I’m careful about how far I push things (wlthough have probably pushed them much too far as it is) and most of all, I’m happy in my own little world.
Pretty well everything I have ever done has been documented in my posts here and in many respects what I do in my feminine time very much mirrors my male life other than socialising which I do not do enfemme.
To be honest, shopping & eating gives me all the highs I need at the moment – deciding what to wear, getting ready, packing everything into the car, emerging from the car at the other end, browsing all of the gorgeous clothes and shoes, interacting with sales assistants & baristas and, if I’m lucky, getting the odd compliment! For me there’s no better feeling than walking amongst the population and realising that most of them don’t notice me, interacting with people who obviously do notice me but don’t care (and perhaps go out of their way to be nice) and catching my reflection in mirrors & shop windows and realising that I really am living the dream.
Kandi,
Interesting question , and I do take note of your comment on full timers , peronally I still haven’t found my limit so it’s still good to share stories .
At some point in our dressing journey we reach apoint where we want to express ourselves more in society , we may or may not have perefcted our appearence but evenso we are prepared to take that risk . I know many of us reach the point of , ” all dressed up and no where to go !” so we try and find reasons to justify our bravery ( or stupidity ) . Our first step might be a drive followed by a walk and then a quick moment to browse and perhaps buy something ( even if we don’t need it ) .
This is where social groups are a great help , they get you over the threshold in safety .
Being full time now almost eight years I had to think back to the big steps , I really didn’t know if I could pull it off , would I end up rushing home and grab the safety of male clothing ?
In my first day out I ticked so many boxes not because they were contrived but more out of necessity , I had a new home to set up and new bank accounts , doctors , really the everday things that are part of our lives .
I was determined to attend my art groups as Teresa .
Donating blood was a little trickier because at that point I hadn’t changed my name or gender marker but it wasn’t a problem .
I have had X-rays and ECGs without a problem .
I have dental checkups , I have learnt only to wear lip pencil and not lipstick as they make a terrible mess !
I joined my local National Trust group and found myself soon elected onto the program committee , so now I have to organise speakers and have been asked to organise a coach daytrip next year .
The big one was my name change as it then meant I had to make almost thirty document changes to ownership of properties and my car but the great outcome is I now have a correct passport and driving licence .
I’ve taken several coach holidays and recently a cruise , so now I’m planning my first flight next year .
I’ve taken two groups of artists on a guided walk around my old home town , I’m now booked for more next year .
Cinemas and shows are a little easier because once seated the lights are low
I enjoyed taking up tennis again last year but I had problems with an ankle injury , I limped aound for several months while it gradually improved but the risk is too high besides it limited my choice of shoes .
I’d planned a trip to the beach with my dog so I bought a swim costume in fact I now have various swim wear items but sadly my dog died and I’ve not had the opportunity since but hopefully next year .
I like a social drink , usually I’m with GG friends so it’s often a meal with a glass of wine .
I don’t usually shop for the sake of shopping but I might see a person or something on TV and then I get a bee in my bonnet . Everyso often I check out the charity shops , it never ceases to amaze me what people part with and how little you have to pay for some top end labels . I must admit I don’t seek out compliments but I do cherish the ones that comment on an outfit when secretly I know what I payed for it .
What is the hardest part of fultime ? Sometimes it’s the physical needs and preparation and sometimes the mental side , a few words out of place is hard to ride over at times . Otherwise I know I had to accept the daily routine of shaving , makeup and choosing to right clothing to wear . Yes the novelty does wear off but I never tire of taking on the world as Teresa , everyday has it’s challenges and it’s rewards .
It’s very interesting to read so many important events in others members lives , the moments that stand out , ” OMG did I really do that ?” Next time will it be better or dare I do it again ?
I missed a few perhaps the one I didn’t want to expereince was attending two funerals but then I did get invited to a wedding reception which was so much fun .
Over the last year or so my car has been a problem so I often had to make trips to the repair garage and take a test drive in a replacement , Umh ! I think I should have worn a longer skirt on that occasion but I did get a great deal !
I could never top your list but I have done many
I’ve shopped of course eaten out a few times attended some shows in Vegas I’ve been to several casinos both in Vegas and close to where I live
I did fly once but was more so androgynous then truly fem
My big one I guess was I went on a cruise where I had no male clothing and was Rachael for a week. Loved that time
Kandi, I have driven from Las Vegas to Palm Spring and on the way had to stop for lunch and use the women’s restroom. I have checked into a hotel as Julie. Met up with friends and enjoyed lunch with two very dear and sweet girlfriends. I have gone shopping with friends and by myself. Spent a day with a friend in Seattle, seeing the sights and interacting with other tourists.
But most of all enjoying myself as a woman, and that’s a pretty good feeling. Being with other girlfriends is also a very high point. Just chatting with them in all things feminine. Being confident and comfortable with who I am is such a positive feeling.
I hope to do more of the things you do Kandi, and I will always hope my wife will become more tolerant or even accepting someday.
Hugs to all
Julie
I have gone to church, but most of my outings have been for shopping or dining out. I would like to volunteer for or attend an HRC event while dressed. Going to a concert or the theater is also enticing. Being an introvert makes it harder to have interactions with people in other situations.
I still work (for 1.5 more years) and must maintain a professional and leadership male-ish appearance.
That being said:
I have had painted toenails for over 15 years and long acrylic gel covered fingernails for over 10 years. My fingernails gather many complements very day;
Only women’s shoes for over 15 years (fit better that men’s ever did) and 3.75+ inch heels for over 10 years. From sandals , booties, and knee high; wedges, block, …, stilettos. You would believe how many women come up and tell me they wish they could wear the heels I wear.
I have my legs, Brazilian, brows, and chest regularly waxed and looking at laser for my face;
My clothes have transition to 90+% female. Still have some shirts and coats that are sold as ‘male’.
My clothes are overall more colorful. I get “I just love that color –” all the time.
I would like to wear more makeup on a regular basis, name more mascara (my weakness) and eye shadow.
……….
I have read all of your comments and have done none of the things you ladies mention. . . . Yet.
But that’s OK, because I feel like the little sister listening to my big grown up sisters and their friends talk and giggle. I sit, listen, and am awed at what will be mine when I get “big.”
And I think, “I can’t wait to grow up and be like my big sisters and their friends.”
Thank you all for sharing and helping lift my spirits on an evening where the press of dysphoria needed some push back.
Kindly,
Charlene
Once you’re ready and you know the time is right you will get out there.
Hang in there sister
I just have to say Charlene that I love your comment, just love it.! Follow Kandi’s advice and you’ll soon be one of the of the giggling girls. ❤️
That seemed a fairly comprehensive list. I could add a couple from my own expereince:
– had a vehicle serviced (multiple times)
– had a tire on a U Haul trailer replaced
-(keeping with the vehicle maintenance theme) spent several hours waiting in a GM dealership for the replacement of a cracked distributor cap
-a routine eye exam
Hi Kandi, and congrats on your 7th place finish. With me and I’m all the other girls thought you’d have fifth place wrapped up.
Although I love living in the small city I live in, once I read your list, mine pales in comparison. But that’s life in the small towns.
I also love the dress it looks gorgeous on you girl.
Thank you, Trish, for always being so sweet!!