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Trickier For Women

Teresa tells us about a pending trip!

By Teresa H.

I’ve mentioned previously that I’m taking a short break with a National Trust group, in early October so the outing is all about history and heritage in the UK. It’s the first time I’ve been away as Teresa so it’s very much about dressing appropriately as a woman. We can never totally predict the British weather so it will mean last minute packing depending on that, it could be cold and wet or it could still be T-shirt weather. As for most women it’s about “layers”, I only intend to wear smart jean style trousers with a choice of short or long sleeved blouses and if needs be a warm top layer and shoes I can walk in all day.

The evenings are a different matter and this is where it gets trickier for a woman. I’ve spoken to a lady taking the trip and she told me she always wears a dress for the evening. The age group will definitely rule out short hemlines and excessive heels. It’s so much easier for a man, he hasn’t got to worry if he looks tarty or frumpy and mutton dressed as lamb. Some of you reading this may be thinking, “what the heck! Wear what you like” but I know from the past with my ex-wife it isn’t as easy as that. I can sympathize far more with women taking longer to get ready, part of it is putting off the moment you leave the hotel room. I must admit I remember that feeling the first time I wore a strapless evening gown at a Xmas party.  So I’ve decided to go 50-50, I have smart trousers which I can wear with some pretty tops and I have a selection of dresses that should fit the bill and hopefully shoes which will compliment any of the outfits without taking a separate case stuffed with shoes.

I’m now in a situation where a genuine comment on items I wear is nice but I’m not looking for “Wow, you look great!” because I’ve often felt that comment is incomplete as it could continue “for a man!”. It’s now expected I use women’s washrooms without question.

I hope to get some pics for you all, our first stop is Avebury stone circle which is as old if not older than Stonehenge.


Bonus Post!

It Can Happen!

By Teresa H.

I knew Wednesday was going to be a full day but even so I still get ready have breakfast and take my walk with other dog walkers. My first visit of the day was to the Blood Transfusion Service where I was booked at 1.30 to donate my 80th pint of blood. Most of the attendants and nurses are old faces so it’s always good to swap stories. I overheard a conversation with a teenage girl who was attending for the first time, I reassured her it’s nothing to worry about but I discovered afterwards she had a problem and couldn’t donate so I advised her not to give up and even at my age it’s still possible to donate. Then I had a mad rush across town to attend the AGM of the local National Trust group. It was again lovely to catch up with old friends. AGMs are usually pretty boring so a speaker ended it with a talk on Isaac Newton, ( I live only a few miles from Woolsthorpe where he was born and where he sat under the apple tree when he formed his ideas on gravity) she ended it  by passing round samples of apple from that very tree. The day was rounded of with chatting and a nice cream tea of scones with jam and cream.

Then it was a mad dash home to sort a line full of washing, grab a bite to eat before attending a parish meeting where I was being awarded a prize for the best kept garden. I didn’t know anyone initially at the meeting then a guy called to me and then I recognized a lady who I meet sometimes when out walking, so I joined them. It’s ironic but the guy who called to me and his wife only live a few doors away and yet they have never spoken, within a few minutes we were chatting like old friends. I can only assume they might have had a problem with my trans situation, which possibly proves their fears are totally unfounded. I had to smile because I appeared to know more people in my neighborhood than they did. When my time came for the presentation I thanked them all and finished by saying I didn’t realize they gave awards for growing weeds. The one down side was they had obtained my details from the electoral register  so the certificate addressed me as MR. On returning home I emailed the organizer thanking them for the award but also asking to have my details amended before it’s officially recorded in their report.

Just to add as a footnote I will be at my usual art group on Friday morning and on Sunday a GG friend will be staying over so we can catch an early coach trip on Monday to visit Bletchley Park. For those not realizing it’s importance, it was home to the code breakers in WW2.

I titled this, “It Can Happen” . I hope it does give help and encouragement to those who are battling with so many issues in their trans lives. It may also help wives or partners to read this and see there is an achievable balance, life can go on in a fairly normal way. We do not cease to be human beings who can still make a contribution in society. If we have understanding we can evolve into better and hopefully happier people. I accept I took a chance and risked losing everything after our divorce, all I can say to that is I have gained far more than I feared I would lose but we only see that in hindsight.


5 Responses

      1. Thinking on perhaps members would like to read the story behind the dress .

        I’ve mentioned that i was a professional photographer for thirty years , during that time I met so many lovely people amongst them was a lady who ran a bridal shop . I never revealed my trans side until she told me about a guy who wouldmake an appointment to try on wedding dresses at her shop . I bought a dress which I needed altering and thought Margaret or her assistant Jo might take it on . After a few weeks I popped in to see if had been succesful but they admitted it was too intricate with so many layers . Jo felt bad about it and invited me into her bridal suite to see if I was interested in trying on dresses as an alternative . It felt strange not being dressed with the correct underwear , makeup or wig but she didn’t mind . It felt so good to be able to try on so many lovely ballgowns and bridesmaid’s dresses , we both particularly liked the one in the picture . AT the end of the session I thanked Jo but she stopped me and and strted to show me hats and other accesories she then proceeded to put all the items into a bag along with the dress . When I asked her how much it was going to cost she waved thye offer aside by saying you have been a good friend and as Margaret intended to retire she was more than happy to let me have these items . I popped my head in the office to thank Margaret and aske what was she going to do with herself when she retired , bearing in mind she was then ninety years old . Her reply was I can finally give some time to my garden , I’ve got some big plans .
        A few months later I discovered after her retirement she was working in her garden and had a bad fall receiving a fatal head injury , I did shed a tear or two . So everytime I wear the dress I have the memories of Margaret for her kindness and friendship .

        The picture was taken before we attended a Xmas party , I must admit it was a learning curve wearing a strapless dress but everything stayed in it’s place .

  1. A bit late in commenting, sorry, but you’ve shared some nice experiences once again and the dress looks great (lovely backstory too).

    Interesting to read about your experiences with your neighbours. My late father experienced similar after my mother died – he decided to have one of those MacMillan coffee mornings (for those outside the UK, MacMillan is a cancer charity which, every year, encourages people to hold a fundraising coffee morning) and ended up with 40 people in the house, many of whom were neighbours. What transpired was everyone assumed that no one else wanted to mix so no one ever got to know anyone. When they all got together they realised they all quite liked eachother!

    And be careful visiting the Avebury stone circle – I’m not too clued up on that sort of thing but gather that when those sort of things were being built all those millennia ago, early morning dancing was more or less compulsory and clothing very much optional!

    1. Amanda,
      It was a gorgeous day in Avebury , so many people just enjoying the circles and the manor house and gardens . There was a wedding cermony taking place using traditional costumes accompanied by music from the period . I must take the time to describe how the rest of the week went but in short it was a wonderful experience .

      I’m seriously thinking about holding a MacMillan coffee morning next year , they can be so much fun and all in a good cause . I don’t have any problems with other people in my estate , I’ve met most with the street parties we’ve had .

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