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Literally, one of our all-timers!

That Is the Question.

Back in the day, not too long ago actually, I had BURIED my femme desires.  For 45 years I hadn’t had a clue. 

As a young teen about 12, I had desires to try on women’s clothing.  Due to the times, religious upbringing and confusion on my part, I buried my desires.  I had no one to talk to about it.

It probably is more commonplace to have a desire to feminize than one might think.  It’s hard to get exact numbers due to silence and taboo but estimates put men who feminize at a few million in the USA alone!

Many men stay as they are for an entire lifetime and many at every stage up until complete transformation.

As time has passed, it’s become less and less likely that I was going to re-discover the flower, but discover it I did at Halloween 2019.  Gwen exploded from there.

Most men stay “as is” in secrecy because it satisfied their needs at that moment.  Family considerations, job necessity and sigma or fear of being found out as a so-called freak.

However, there may come a time when their needs or circumstances change and it’s time to let their flower bloom as I did.

Sometimes it’s a sudden change in life, maybe the wife finds out, and is actually supportive.  Sometimes the urge to feminize is so strong, they can’t live with themselves if they don’t.

But how do you know when it’s the right time to feminize and let others know?

How long should you stay doing unsatisfying things in life at the detriment of something you love to do but is controversial?

Many people stay because their job ‘pays the bills’ or because ‘it’s easy enough to stay and change is hard.’ Most stay because they don’t know what else to do, so they resign themselves to a lifetime of domestication, in the same situation simply because they are devoid of the spark to follow through.

Is that really any way to spend your life?

Waiting for the time to pass until your life is “just right” and then what? Nothing? You wake up and find you’re 50 or 60 or 70 full of regrets.  I say that because I’ll be 61 soon and I know how that feels.  I have lots of catching up to do.

If that’s where you’re at, it might be an idea to pray for a miracle that forces your hand so that you are forced to make that all important decision.

Maybe you’ve only just discovered your femme self and you’re 50 years old. Is feminization something completely new for you? It’s never too late to experience the exhilaration! 

Sometimes it makes itself known at that in that moment that you need it. 


Maybe now is the time to change.

You Are Not the Same Person You Used to Be

Why should we be the same person and stick with it for life? There are so many things we could become as we grow, so many new things we could discover.

Think about it: just showing up in life causes personal growth. If you apply yourself to any aspect of life, you will also grow from that.  Feminization is just a natural part of who you are inside.  Are you going to liberate or bury the flower?

You are not the same person you were 10 years ago. You are not even the same person you were 10 weeks ago, or 10 days ago. Growth comes from experiencing life.


The more you engage with YOUR FLOWER, the faster and more dramatic your feminization.

With growth comes awareness and right behind awareness is clarity. You can learn most about your direction for the future by understanding your thinking and decision making in the past.  I had to “peel back the onion” of my life to unravel my past so I could understand why I was having these feelings.

Making smart decisions and taking effective actions on those decisions can be improved with the benefit of hindsight.

When or if you start to feel “THE URGE”, observe anything that attracts your attention. Notice how you feel when you try on those stockings, dress, pumps, make-up or something you really enjoy. Make a note of the ideas that come into your head.

Not everything you love has to be for a lifetime or life-altering.  Should you make the decision out of necessity or choice to keep your flower hidden, it’s OK.

Do what fulfills you, fascinates you, or makes your heart sing.

Then, when you’ve got your alone time to look at your flower, appreciate every second.  She will. She will make your world a much more interesting place.

That’s for sure.

Be Strong. 💪


11 Responses

  1. GWEN




  2. Gwen,
    I have a theory that our lives change every twenty years , I came to this conclusion after reading so many stories on an online forum and also talking to other DCers /trans people . What amazed me was how many came out in their forties , it appears to be a time when we take stock and then consider our future , it’s often a time when we hope or think our dressing needs could be dwindling but hte shock for most is it isn’t in fact the need becomes stronger . I came out in my forties , it was a difficult time and I also realised there is never a right time to make the big reveal . We soldiered on until in my sixties could hardly function , time was running out and I needed some definte answers to shape a better future .

    So when did I actually ” flower ” ? I would guess in my forties when I finally put the whole package together and took my first series of pictures , I couldn’t believe what I was seeing , the man had disappeared , that was when Teresa came into existence . I knew from that point there was only one road , I wanted to live that lifestyle , the flower had truly grown .

    The one regret is it too long to find myself , so now I do appreciate every moment , I hve no regrets .

  3. We all have different situations. I’m 75 and knew I was different when I was 12 or 13. I went to my first CD party when I was 29. There I met people just like me. I have been to numerous events over the years. I have a large family which is very important to me. Life is short. Live it.

  4. I had my first feminine thoughts and put on a skirt around 12/13. I didn’t have the words for it back then but got gender euphoria. Felt guilt and shame. It was the 80’s and the last thing you wanted to be called was a sissy. Still I CDed every chance I could get but never questioned it for fear of what it might mean. I fantasized about it every day. I retired at 47 and when I had more time I “came out” to myself and admitted I was a CDer. Now 4 years later I identify as a non-transitioning Trans person. I dress 100% of the time at home but not out in public. Who knows what the future holds. But I can say I NEVER thought I would be in this position. It is like a fantasy world come to life. But I am happy.

    1. Hi Christina,
      I totally can identify with your story except that I blocked my experience mentally from my early teens. I often wonder what Gwen would have become had I came out of at the very least experienced her in my 20’s-50’s

      Thanks for sharing.


  5. Hi Teresa,
    I had mentally blocked my desires since about 16 to age 59. So much lost ground, but we flower in our own time.
    Every twenty years? An interesting concept. I, too, look at my pictures even a year ago and see the change.

    Now when I take a picture as a male, I see Gwen as my wife does. She’s in there waiting to flower.

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