By Lisa P.
Folks like us often think we have a split personality: at least partly male and partly female, even when we lean more heavily in one direction, or consider ourselves one gender but are forced to express ourselves in public as another.
In that sense, I have been working on “the split” between my two selves for as long as I can remember (at least since I was 8 years old when I first became acutely aware of my “assigned at birth” gender and wasn’t happy about being so limited). Since that time, in addition to living in the gender the world assigned to me, I have consistently (and with great determination) also explored the gender that feels most authentically me.
One aspect of that exploration happened with I faced turning 60. If you haven’t reached that age, you may not realize just how old it makes you feel. My back in particular reminds me of my age every day, much to my chagrin. One of the many ways I have fought back is to push my exercise routine to a higher level and make sure I do a lot of stretching after exercising. Another way I have fought back is to try new challenges.
That is how I decided to try to learn to do the splits at age 59-1/2, with the hope that I would reach my goal by age 60. How many adult men (other than professional dancers) can do the splits? I don’t know, but it can’t be very many, as I have never seen any. How many men at age 60 attempt to learn to do it for the first time? It must be even fewer. Perfect, I decided. Game on!
As a child of the Internet Age, I decided as a first step to find a virtual “teacher.” I quickly discovered many tutorials on YouTube. The ones I found particularly helpful were created by teenage girls and young women, which added to the fun of learning this “trick.” On the internet you can find anything, including an old man doing the splits, but I was seeking an opening into the feminine world. I would only caution others by adding this disclaimer: I am not endorsing any site – you should be careful when attempting any new physical activity and consult with specialists before you do anything that is beyond your abilities. In any case, here are two YouTube examples:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt_-vhofqJE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8rC3nXBMiI
I began working on the “front” splits. The so-called “side” splits are more difficult. I did them for an overall stretch, but have only gotten as far as you see in the photo below:
That didn’t deter me from my goal of getting the front splits down. I started doing a whole series of floor exercises that stretched my hamstrings and added to my overall flexibility. As an aside, these exercises have helped with my back problems too, because the stretching enhances my flexibility.
One stretch that I found particularly rewarding involves lying on my back and then pulling first one leg and then the other leg up toward my head. I started with a 90-degree angle and every day pulled a bit more. If you have someone to help you, they can push each leg in that direction. I also found it useful to do “half splits” and then put a pillow underneath my middle section, allowing me to “settle” into the splits.
Did my daily stretching work? To be honest, after six months of stretching every other day, I found that I was still about an inch from doing the complete splits. It took me well beyond my 60th birthday to comfortably get into the full splits. Even then, I can’t do it unless my body is warmed up. I had a couple of overstretch situations during the year of preparation, where I had to lay off for a month or two due to pain in my tendons. Now, I “go slow” (befitting my age) every time I am attempting the splits. My body really needs to be warmed up with calisthenics, and I usually can do the splits only on one side (although I have gotten down to the floor on both sides, only one “side” — with my right leg forward — works well for me). Note that this still is only the “front” splits. Every time I try the side splits I get too much pain. I can get to maybe an angle of 140 degrees, as in the accompanying photo, but that seems to be my limit. It could be a structural limitation, so even though I am now three years into my splits routine, I accept the fact that I may never get there with the side splits.
Below are a couple of pictures of me in the splits at age 60. Please don’t make fun of my knobby knees: they are arthritic and have been hacked on by doctors, but they still hold me up! I also apologize in advance for the relatively poor imagery, but it isn’t easy to set a timer and run back and get into the splits comfortably within 10 seconds! At least one of the photos shows my nicely manicured nails (a fundamental element of any good splits regimen – hah!).
You can’t tell, but I was so incredibly thrilled when I finally got all the way down into the splits. I kept saying to myself, “you did it, Lisa, you really did it!”
By the way, I continue to do my stretches and can still get into the front splits at age 63. Although the side splits still elude me, I continue to work on them too.
One basic lesson for Lisa about being TG and living life fully is that learning to do something quintessentially feminine is great fun. Like everything else in that category, learning the splits required me to practice with patience and perseverance. For anyone with a “split” personality, that isn’t anything new!
19 Responses
First off that is amazing to do that even if you only did it a few times and second oh my that looks like it hurts lol
Turning 60 recently I do get the issue with the aches and pains of getting older but I do try and stay in shape
My hardest part is my belly and it’s difficult to get it down
But hey that’s what shapewear is for right lol.
Thanks for sharing Lisa
We love our shapewear, don’t we? My consolation on that score is that best friend and wife loves hers too!
Very impressive Lisa, at any age.
I find just sitting (at age 71) is sometimes a struggle.
Jocelyn
We must keep moving. My wife always remind me, “use it or lose it.”
Lisa, my admiration for you knows no bounds but I’m afraid that this is one thing for which I won’t be drawing inspiration from you – I’m too scared that I’ll never get up again!
Well done on your achievement!
Amanda,
Thank you for being so affirming. I may just be one of the lucky “Gumby” people who are naturally stretchy!
Lisa
Lisa, I love this ending thought: “. . . something quintessentially feminine. . .”
Just turning 69 and not nearly as far into my womanhood exploration and expression as you, I will pass on pursuing this quintessentially feminine activity.
I am thinking perhaps comfortably shopping in store for lingerie would suffice for me, then maybe graduating to a bra fitting.
Anyway I admire your girl goal setting and your determination to get there.
Kindly,
Charlene
Charrie,
I do have a bit of pride that I set a goal and reached it, although the expression “pride goeth before the fall” applies especially to folks in the later years of life! We need to be careful not to injure ourselves. I have stopped getting into the splits these days because I had a break in my daily stretching routine and I know I would need to be intentional about it every day to get back down all the way.
I still try new ways of expressing my femininity. It is fun to continually invent oneself. We are not hurting anyone else when we do it, yet it helps us embrace life and who we really are. I say “yes” to the lingerie shopping. A very fun outlet for your feminine expression!
Lisa
Lisa,
It’s very easy to get a mental block over our age , we reach a certain age and then retire and easily talk ourselves into believing we’re too old to take part in certain activites . I work on the assumption that it’s not what we’re too old for and instead tell myself it’s what I’m young enough for , many of our barriers reside in our heads .
I would admit the splits wouldn’t be my first choice but I didn’t start skiing till I reached 55 and loved every minute of it , the same with scuba diving . Sadly I developed a balance problem so I was advised not to dive again but I continued to ski for many years . In a recent post I spoke of taking up tennis again , annoyingly I tried too hard to turn the clock back 50 years and sustained an ankle injury which is taking it’s time to recover , perhaps at 73 I’m expecting too much .
Your post is an inspiration , life is too short so we must take care of our bodies , taking care of our diets and keeping fit , even if it is just a walk every day , I still walk for an hour most mornings with my dog walking friends depite not having a dog anymore .
I’m probably still lucky with my shape and weight , so I don’t usually wear shapewear apart from tucking , the biggest incentive is having a wardrobe of clothes that will only fit if I take care of myself .
Teresa,
You said it girl! I never want to lose the joy of exploring new worlds and having new life experiences!
I too don’t have to use shapewear. No wig either. That means I have to work out two hours a day, however, to make sure I don’t outgrow my clothes!
Lisa
Hi Lisa,
Congratulations on setting a goal and achieving it. The splits, wow. That is something I will never try, I have too many metal pieces holding my pelvis together. But you go girl!
At 69+, life tries to catch up with you. Don’t let it. I hope I have another 30+ years to go. One of the benefits of this age is you care less about what others think and we can express more of ourselves to the world.
Example: in my 50’s, even though I love nail polish, I never thought I could wear it, especially on my fingers. I finally got over this hurdle and for the past 8 years I had acrylic nails with gel. AND I LOVE IT. I do it for me, not others
You go girl!
Cali
Cali,
Your nails are an inspiration to me. I am wearing polish now, but subtle on my fingers (my toes are a more girly pink, but no one sees them unless I want them to. Your point about not caring as much what others think is absolutely truth. It is empowering!
Lisa
Thanks for your post Lisa and well done girl. What you’ve accomplished is amazing. I turned 74 this July and felt pretty good for the most part, a liittle bit of arthritis in my hands but that was about it. My problems came from injuries, old and new.
I had a phone appointment with my heart doctor yesterday and during the call he asked about what I did for exercise? So I told him since my last mishap 1 1/2 years ago when I broke my femur and the hip replacement inside, not much. Until then I played soccer, skydived, snow and water skiid but since the accident all of that was off limits.
So as we age one way or another it’s going to catch up with us either naturally or through stupity as in my case. But you ‘re doing things right Lisa. Keeping fit as we age pays huge dividends.
Trish❤️
Trish,
There is much wisdom in your reminder about how aging affects us. I’m still able to ski and run, swim, ride a mountain bike and climb mountains, but I remind myself that these activities could end at any time if I have a serious injury. I don’t believe that I need to stop activities out of the fear of injury, but I need to be more careful with every year. I also need to commit to my long-term memory all the things I am doing now so that I can call the memories up when they are all I am left with.
My father-in-law has helped me understand this principle. Up until his 80s he was still actively climbing mountains (incredibly). In his 90s, he can hardly walk more than a mile or two. Yet, when we get together, we reminisce about the mountains we climbed together, as well as the far more numerous mountains that he climbed separately. We both find great joy in sharing those memories.
Great wisdom comes from your comment that we must do everything we can to stay fit for as long as we can. I hope you are able to meet your fitness goals as you continue to recover from your hip replacement!
Lisa😘
Lisa/Trish,
That injury bug is the great unknown. I lost 3 years of my life to surgeries, hospital stays, and rehab to one injury 20+ years ago. A major tear of my calf took another two years of rehab. Hopefully I can get back on the slope this years after nursing 3 fractured ribs for the last two years.
But there is always a silver lining, that torn calf put me in high heels for the rest of my life.
Cali
That’s kinda weird in that when I still had a pronounced limp when walking in flats it went away if I wore 4” heels 🤫
Trish,
It’s not that weird. A heel shortens the achilles tendon and calf. But it also changes how the femur sits in the hip socket.
Cali
Cali,
I am so sorry to hear about that injury 20+ years ago. And the fractured ribs. I have lived that reality, and even had a fall on my mountain bike 4 weeks ago that caused a hematoma that has yet to heal and bruised ribs that are just now bearable. So, I hear you sister!
Thank you for mentioning your silver lining! I have never been able to stand in high heels for long because of my high instep. I say, go high!
Lisa
Lisa,
That’s funny. I have a very high arch (1% er). My podiatrist tells me I should wear at least a 2 inch heel to absorb my arch. I shop for fit, if they don’t fit I don’t buy the heel. I just return some Jessica Simpson wedges because they didn’t fit, cute shoes just didn’t fit.
Cali