Stuck In The Middle With You

I can remember it like it was yesterday. 1978 and I was visiting some friends that worked on the grounds crew at a country club where I caddied. We are in the maintenance garage and WMMS was playing. It was in the background until I heard “Bakers Street” for the very first time. I was transfixed and instantly became a huge Gerry Rafferty fan. Still am, always will be. Being a chart nerd, I knew that song was stuck at No. 2 for a then record amount of time. Not hitting No. 1 apparently haunted him for his entire life, leading to alcoholism, which ultimately killed him (cautionary tale here Kandi…).

Many years later, your girl here was sitting at her church when the great preacher John began his sermon titled the same as this post. If you are unfamiliar, Gerry Rafferty was a member of Stealer’s Wheel, the band that did this song. He purposely parodied Bob Dylan’s voice, so much so that many people think that it was Dylan, and the band had its first hit. It is an ageless song, still sounding current. As usual, I digress.

I still remember that sermon. One of the greatest choruses in music history. You may or may not know the song, but you know “Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right…”.

Well, I don't know why I came here tonight
I got the feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs

Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you

As per usual, my musical musings have little to nothing to do with my post this day.

As I have discussed recently, I do have a few admirers. One in particular is the consummate gentleman, always sharing of himself and always treating me like a lady. I consider him an actual friend, even though we have never met in real life. He recently asked me (edited slightly here) the following:

Hi Kandi, I caught up with your blog. Once again you mentioned a vice you are struggling with. I know all too much about Jim Beam. You keep mentioning this vice. I am curious when you pour the first glass. Is it forget or is to remember? Some will say to numb.

PS. Has Kandi ever thought of doing a podcast?

My response (also lightly edited):

I am very happy to respond! There is one thing I know as gospel about myself. I do not do nothing very well. I try to keep my day full with work, workouts, maybe pickleball, errands, Kandi time, cooking, etc. Only at the end of the day am I able to relax and do nothing.

Now that I have reshaped my work life (to my great happiness), I have freed up great stretches of time, home alone (while my wife is at work). [Also, my work schedule swings from traditional work hours to overnight work hours, screwing with any ability to plan or seek things to keep me busy as well as my body clock. I am disciplined enough not to drink on workdays which do involve driving a truck.] Since the weather is awful, much of my ability to do things like yardwork, outdoor activities, even a long walk, is not available. So that is where the drinking comes into play. Sitting, screwing around on the PC and having one after another.

Also, I won’t lie, I love the taste and mouthfeel of alcohol. I particularly love the taste of Jim Beam Red Stag. It tastes like Kool Aid to me. Plus being an accomplished drinker, I rarely get any buzz, as such there are no governors on my consumption. It’s like drinking water (until I wake up the next morning). A fifth will last less than 24 hours once I bring it into the house. [I try not to make the purchase and mentally acknowledge to myself where that purchase will take me.]

I have tried alternative solutions but have been unsuccessful. Staying busy it what is needed. I’m working on it!

I appreciate your questions. Regarding a podcast, no. One, my voice is awful, it just is. Two, I am not technologically sophisticated enough to execute one. If I had that know how, I would figure out how to monetize my writing abilities. I am a neophyte and have spent a great deal of money on technological help in various ventures and have always come up very displeased with the result. I have poured myself into the blog and different ways to write and present a story of late.

Blah, blah, blah…

The boldface portions were added by me after responding to him. Let me add, I know in my heart-of-hearts I am not an alcoholic. But I do know I have alcoholic tendencies. I can and do stop and I can and do exercise mostly good judgement in this regard. I also feel like my drinking is done to fill a void. A time void, not for any self-loathing or numbing reasons. For example, if I have zero to do, getting dressed and nursing a drink or two at a bar (almost always with the sun up, generally never at night), pleases me. It lets me be seen. It gets me out and dressed. It generally provides human interactions with others, at least with a bartender. It feeds my need to share Kandi with the world. That is why this place exists. Kandi does not exist in darkness. She exists because she is seen by someone, somewhere, somehow.

Same with being home alone with nothing to do. I will often pour myself a drink and sit there, PC on my lap, drink next to my mouse, and spill my guts here or please myself beyond description with an essay on Martha Davis, Gerry Rafferty or another musical musing I have. I spend hours doing what I have referred to as “polishing turds”, my posts here. [Editorial comments: all other posts by everyone else are almost never, ever touched by me. Receive, cut and paste, dress up the format, maybe find the right picture to accompany the post, schedule and push play. No “polishing” necessary.]

Kandi’s Land is quite literally my therapy couch! Have a seat and join me…

Pay someone a compliment today, anyone about anything. It costs you nothing and could make a big difference to that person that day.