By Nora Simone
The following article is posted here with permission of the author and Transliving International, the world’s leading magazine celebrating gender diversity.
Click the logo below to read a wonderful article, by my dear friend!
This one really strikes a chord.
18 Responses
Beautifully written Nora! Just as Linda’s lightbulb moment came at 30, I have also discovered that the duality is the point. It’s good to hear i am not alone in this.
Kris
Kris – Thanks! I put a good effort into my published bits. The awesome subjects, like Linda, deserve my best effort and it is good to know others appreciate it. Nora
Nora,
My thoughts are Linda is very brave in asking society to accept him/her as two states and yet she admires those who prefer one state over the other . Personally I thought I could live with the two states like her but it soon became clear I couldn’t , I needed to define my identity clearly , it not only confused me but others as well .
It was interesting to read she usually needed some form of trigger , I’ve obviously lived through that situation but now there is no need as I fully accept myself as Teresa . What she doesn’t desribe is what releases that trigger , what reverts her back to male mode but then she still feels the wife has the need for a husband . I have to admit that is tough decision to make when you have to deny being the husband , having to fight the dilemma of your needs over someone else’s .
Jan Morris desperately wanted to be the mother of her children but accpeted the next best thing was to father them , it still meant she could have a role as a parent , eventually she never lost the companionship of her wife Elizabeth although her parental choices was never totally accpeted by all their children .
From my own experience Linda will struggle at times with acceptance from society , this is why fulltime for me means exactly that , otherwise some people feel you are playing games with them , I also accept normality comes at a price but then life is all about compromises . The bottom line what makes you happy , what you feel comfortable with , I have no regrets about my male past but there is no room for him now visually . I also have to accept he is still in the core of my brain , yes he does have his uses .
Thanks for your thoughtful reply Teresa. Obviously the transgender umbrella is a pretty big one and each of us finds our own way to fit in. We are, after all, unique individuals. Sadly, the magazine this was originally printed in only allowed us so much space so a lot of things I talk about in my hour long seminar on being bigender had to be left out. But overall it does say what I consider to be some of the more important points, even if it is in an abbreviated format. Just please understand that I have found tremendous peace and joy in the understanding of who I am as a bigender individual and years ago I cast aside all of the negative aspects of anguish, guilt and inner struggles that so many people that I talk to still have. And, in all sincerity, I’m very glad you have found happiness in discovering who you are as well. Anyway, I do have a small website where I talk a little bit more about being bigender. If you are interested the link is: http://www.lindacdny.com
Linda – I’m so glad to read others are benefiting from our article. Thanks again for entrusting me with your life details. It’s worth mentioning that my TLI pieces are designed to be awareness pieces – not comprehensive treatments of individuals or subjects. In your case, I consider the TLI article an information “on ramp” to the topic, you, and your website. All the feedback I have received has been positive, so I figure as your star rises, that photo of us will become a valuable collector’s item which will sell on eBay for a small fortune and I can retire comfortably. Thanks! Nora
Teresa – Wow! You’ve obviously thought a good bit about the subject and Linda’s case in particular. One absolute I’ve learned from the community is that each of us is different. Despite our current civilized state, we’ve been trained, and bred, to recognize differences instead of similarities and often assume they are threats. This you already know. Yet it is people like Linda who are needed to change people’s minds- even if it is one at a time. I, for one, am grateful for her tenacity and willingness to serve as an exemplar for the rest of us.
Nora,
Once you travel many miles down that road the journey is only possible by knowing what makes you tick and where you fit into the transgender community , at the same time I can’t claim to totally know the subject , even the professionals don’t . Linda has kindly Emailed me to fill in some of the blanks of the bigender ( non-binary ) situation , it is one I can’t quite understand , perhaps I never will but I appreciate she has found a balance in her life , being happy is the bottom line for all of us . It is important we are free to tell our stories , if I can help one person then my efforts have been worthwhile .
And we are free to tell our stories here at Kandi’s Land! Your stories are always welcomed.
Teresa – One of the issues that seems useful in many gender discussions is “time.” For example, someone might have thought they were trans and considered transitioning. At another time, the same person might have thought that being bi-gender seemed right. Despite a strong (overwhelming?) desire to know “Who am I?” in conventional terms, perhaps the answer for some of us is never fully resolved. Some of us are permanent works in progress, and we should be OK with that.
Nora,
Your’e so right , while time may not always be on our side we must use it to the best advantage . We may get impatient and want things to happen quicker but as with most of us we’re not the only ones in the equation .
I know some who self administered hormones because they were impatient not realising after several months some changes can’t be reversed . I know some who had surgery but found they exchanged one set of circumstances for another . It is as you say many are ” work in progress ” , who knows what my circumstances will be in the future ?
This is such a great article as for many of us our experience is similar.
I know in my case I did consider transition but my male side still wanted that part.
Now I’m actually more fluid these days as I will incorporate female styles when presenting male and like at work everything I wear is female and yes I wear makeup.
Being trans is defiantly not one size fits all we are all unique
Rachel – You are a woman of my own heart. I love the freedom to choose my presentation and suspect others who are honest with themselves would register the same. After all, what self assured/confident and open-minded curious “man” would not like to personally experience a day as a woman? What a learning opportunity! Nora
Nice article Nora. And perfect timing too. I’ll be seeing Linda next week at First Event in Boston where she is giving a seminar on being bigender.
Fiona – Lucky you! Remember to take notes and please post a photo of you two at FE. Enjoy! Nora
Hi Nora,
I am one of the contributors on Kandi’s Land and just read the post Linda originally wrote for Transliving. I must say it is very well written and after reading it I thought, wow, this is me. I’m on Flickr and lots of girls have asked if I dress full time or are you transitioning?
I’ve said no to both questions explaining that I truly enjoy my time in guy mode but do enjoy being Trish. To be honest I probably enjoy being Trish somewhat more than my male side.
It used to be the other way around but I’m finding Trish wanting more time now and I think it’s due to aging. I’m 74 but don’t look it at all. Most people peg me in my late 40’s but I know that won’t last forever so Trish is making hay while the sun shines. Thanks for posting Linda’s article it has given me a lot to think about and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Hugs,
Trish
Trish – For some reason I believe we’ve met in person. True? Regardless, I definitely understand the magical age reversal effects of good female grooming, makeup, and costume. In fact, as Nora my posture snaps to attention, and I smile and even make direct eye contact that only a confident person would dare. Sigh. What a wonderful gift we have and are fortunate to be able to use it. Nora
Hi Nora,
This is the question I have asked myself over and over, still with no answer. I kid that I’m not a CD because I rarely have any men’s clothing on. Over the last 12+ years I have incorparated more and more feminine clothing into my everyday wear. Today, it’s almost all women’s.
Life has push more feminine changes onto my life: high heels, acrylic nails, longer eyelashes/eye brows (eyedrop side effect), …
Cali
Cali – It’s good to know that you can relate to Linda’s experience, and that you found some value in the article. Regardless of differing individual details, I hope it is comforting to know we are not alone. Nora