By Teresa H.
We never know what is round the corner. A fortnight ago I was help setting up the art room for my Friday session, Barry basically supervises but he’s not an art teacher. Soon after a couple arrived and he suddenly broke down and told them his partner Liz had died the day before, they consoled him and told him not to try and run the session and that he should go home to sort out arrangements. He passed on the details for running the session, we then gave him a hug and sent him home. It was a shock to all of us as we passed the message on to the new arrivals.
I hadn’t known Liz long, she did have medical issues and had to visit hospital frequently so I always gave her the time to support any projects she was working on when she made it to the sessions.
The funeral took place yesterday at the local crematorium. I joined a group of my art friends to support Barry and pay our last respects to Liz, afterwards we attended the wake at a favourite pub they enjoyed using.
There have been numerous posts about items we would love to tick off our bucket list, I’m pretty much through mine now but I admit a funeral wasn’t on my list as I’m sure it isn’t on others. It’s not often we have to consider a choice of outfit for such an event, I chose a black knee length skirt with a purple T-shirt under a smart Next grey jacket and neat black wedges.
Despite being full time I admit I was a little nervous, I obviously knew my friends from the painting group but not the families related to Barry or Liz. There were many hugs and kisses of support, I soon realised I could hardly give a hearty male handshakes! It’s good to say the day went off well, Barry had slightly too much to drink but it didn’t matter we’d all helped him through his day.
6 Responses
Oh my, so sorry for the loss of your friends spouse. Life can be difficult for those of us who deal with our gender differences but nothing like dealing with the loss of a loved one.
I’m glad you were able to console your friend
Rachel,
Many thanks for your kind thoughts . It was so good to a supportive friend to Barry , I can’t honestly say there was a problem with gender differences , they always accpeted me from when I first joined the group , basically we shared a common interest in painting . Art is a great leveller there are no barriers to our ability no matter what gender we appear as .
Teresa,
Definitely not on my bucket list, yet a beautiful moment, nevertheless. It was good that you were able to be there for Barry and his other friends and family. Empathy is such an important attribute. My sense is that my female side is much more empathetic. Perhaps it is for you as well. I do know that it is easier for me to give a hug to someone. I don’t know well when I sent the sorrow.
May your next week be filled with new wonders so that you may share the joy of life with Barry the next time you see him.
Lisa
Lisa,
It’s very true I find the female side is less inhibited , it was so good to be openly allowed to show empathy towards Barry and his family . I’m gradually getting use to hugging , it’s not something men do naturally , certainly from my age group it wasn’t . Women do tend to touch each other more while chatting , I’m very careful not to overdo it until I know people are totally comfortable with me .
Barry was back as usual the following week organising the art group , we exchanged kind words and joked about a mishap during the wake at the pub .
I’m so sorry to hear the loss of your friends wife. I’m sending my love and condolences to you and the family.
Trish,
Many thanks for your kind words , I’ll be sure to pass them on .