I kind of stole that phrase from Joe Maddon, who used to be the manager of the (hated) Chicago Cubs baseball team.
During the 2016 season–the one they ended the 108 year curse–they wore t-shirts with the motto “Try not to suck”.
For me, that evolved into “my life doesn’t suck”.
I’ve been in a bit of a writing drought lately. Part of that revolves around fewer opportunities to dress–more on that in a bit.
Yesterday, on a boogie board in late February a very short distance off the beach adjacent to Apollo Bay, Victoria, Australia, I figured out what to write about. Trying to hop a wave, watching my son and my wife enjoying the surf also (my wife has such a satisfied smile while riding a decent wave while she is boogie boarding), I thought again, “my life doesn’t suck.”
I’m in the midst of a ten week visit to Australia, where my wife is from and which still claims her heart. Our marriage, like all that have endured almost a third of a century, has its ups and downs, with the two biggest being her wishing to spend more time in Australia, followed by my dressing.
This is my sixth week here. I’ll return in late March, my wife will stay longer, with her return date TBD. I haven’t had many chances to get dressed over the past months, but in the end that’s a pretty good thing.
Like yesterday and today, enjoying the sun and surf of Apollo Bay, a small town in Victoria along the Great Ocean Road, about a two and a half hour drive from Melbourne. My older son, who lives in Brooklyn, arrived last week to stay a month, is here. So are two of my wife’s three sisters, who are very close to my wife. Happy wife, happy life, as they say here.
We’re sharing a cabin at a Caravan (pronounced care-a-van) Park overlooking the ocean. As I write this, I can hear the roar of the surf, an unusual sound for someone who is generally 600 miles from the nearest ocean. It’s a relaxing sound.
Why no time to dress?
Well, in the last eight months or so here are stops on our itinerary:
**A week in Michigan
**Two weeks in Southern California (beaches and friends are a draw)
**Ten days in New York City seeing our son AND New York
**A ten day solo trip to Atlantic City, NYC, and Philly, for some races, some (lots of) dressing, and a music festival with my son
**Five days in Arizona for a wedding (shared with the awesome Ms. Dee-ism, as also the California trip, who knows my secret, though none of my other friends do)
**Five weeks in Europe, Morocco, and Ireland, some with friends, seeing some of my wife’s Croatian relatives, and seeing new places
**Now here for ten weeks, with my son during four of the ten, and two trips outside Melbourne
My wife encouraged my son to come, as he hadn’t been for five years. He’s also trying to work while here, and juggling time at the computer with time in the surf. He seems to be managing. I thought somewhat selfishly that with him here, that also means postponing Dee time, but on balance better that he’s here.
Life as a crossdresser is usually about compromise. We usually don’t get all that we want. Sometimes, we get little of what we want. Sometimes crossdressers have to hide it from their spouses, or make sure it’s out of sight at all times. It’s often a challenge–sometimes just a challenge to accept it’s a part of us.
As a crossdresser, my life also doesn’t suck.
My wife is reasonably tolerant. She prefers that I wouldn’t dress, prefers I wouldn’t go out, makes some somewhat rude comments occasionally (which I ignore), but she tolerates the clothes and the makeup and the shoes in our joint walk-in closet. She also understands that I do bring a few good things to the table; I’m a good provider, my financial knowledge and advice have made her sisters a lot more financially secure, I’m a good dad and a good person. We make our marriage work by her accepting that I dress–and I accept that she’s going to spend time away here in Australia.
Also in the not sucking category, accidentally meeting Michelle–and many of her many friends– reconnecting long distance with former FWB Renee (who’s life has indeed sucked on a regular basis for the last twenty years, but keeps plowing ahead anyway), and outing myself to Ms. Dee-ism, who is now a special friend AND lippy acquirer (red, red, and more red). I’ve also found kindred spirits in the members of the St. Louis Gender Foundation.
I believe you can choose in many cases how to react to situations. Over my life, I have tried to chose to be positive and optimistic, and open to opportunities. That has served me well, both in my boy and girl life.
I have been out down under a couple of times that I haven’t yet written about, and I will get to those. But for now, a few pictures of those outings, and my latest thrift find, a Wonder Woman costume (bought for about $US 4 at a local Salvo’s).
My life doesn’t suck.
