This is probably the most gut-wrenching thing Iāve written in years. Here goesā¦
I live in a beautiful 55+ community here in Florida. For the most part, folks have been cordial to my faceāwhich I always appreciate. Some more than others, but hey, thatās life.
Weāve got people from all over the country (and even abroad) with different backgrounds, religious views, and experiencesāor lack thereofāwith someone like me. Iām not just any resident; Iām the talk of the town as the only trans person out of over 800 homes. Judgments happen. I get it.
Itās the path Iāve chosen, and yeah, the collateral damage sucks sometimes. But I decided I needed to be comfortable in my own skin and let the chips fall where they may.
I was one of the first to move in as the community was being built. It didnāt take long for the āI/they donāt feel comfortable around Gwenā whispers to start. Anyone who knows me knows Iām super personable, a bit funny, friendly, and can chat intelligently about anything.
Are we back in high school? š
Here’s what I mean. So many canāt get past their preconceived ideas or the peer pressure from neighbors, when if they got to know me, they’d see I’m pretty darn cool.
At first, I tried ādumbing myself downā for what I thought would keep the peaceāhoping people would get to know me and see Iām nothing like the stereotypes. Do I get invited to hang out or non-official events? Not really. So, it didnāt seem to matter. Thus, I chose to just be ME.
I don’t dress like a 65-year-old, that’s for sure. I’ve got a distinctive style. I dress what I’m able to wear, not dictated by my age. Still, not everyone’s cup of tea. Oh, well.
šLifeās too short to dim your light just so others feel comfy.
Let me back way up…
About ten or so years back, I had a scary diagnosis: a brain tumor. Itās slow-growing (or not at all), and docs are just monitoring it, hoping it stays put. I call it “My Sacred Friend” because it reminds me of how precious life is and not to have regrets. I donāt usually talk about this stuffāitās not my styleābut Iām sharing it here so you understand where my choices come from.
This is MY life to live, not anyone elseās. We all have a limited number of days, and nobody knows how many. Theyāre precious! So, let YOU be YOU. Be friendly, grateful, laugh a ton, and make friends with those who vibe with your light. Don’t change who you are for others.
Always be friendly but also don’t waste energy on the ones who burden themselves with reasons not to accept you. That’s their cross to bear.
š„You only live once.
š„Live it full out.
š„No regrets.
ā¤ļøLove allot!
Gwen
5 Responses
Gwen,
Eight years ago after my separation I moved twenty miles into a bungalow and a nice residential estate . I had to do the move in male mode because my ex waved me goodbye at my old house for me to follow the removal truck , I also inherited our black Labraodor Lucy . New start as Teresa but how do I deal with my neighbours , by luck I had a parcel delivered by mistake to my address I took the opportunity to pop it next door so I could introduce myself and inform her if they see a blond lady in the fuure it will be me . Something similar happened when a diary was pushed through my door intended for the neighbours on the other side , again I went through the formalities . My neighbour opposite was out mowing his lawn so I had a chat with him and gently broke the news that I was transgender and I would be appearing differently over the next few weeks . I did this because wanted the nip any tittle tattle between neighbours in the bud , no nudge-nudge , wink-wink between them !
It worked out very well , my first neighbour was in her garden with her daughter and granddaughter , I was gardening as Teresa so we ended up having a long chat . The granddaughter made me smile because later I was told that she said she didn’t care because I was a very nice lady . The neighbours on the otherside held a street party and invited me along so I met most of the distant neighbours which was great , a few bottles of wine soon wins over most people ! The couple opposite are really good neighbours , we help each other when we can , he’s now seriously ill with cancer , so they are grateful for any help .
The worse aspect now is the very occasional trip I make in male mode to see my grandsons at Xmas time , I avoid at all costs being seen , one day it will be sorted , I just have to be patient . Just to add only yesterday my son rang to ask if he could borrow my wet tile cutter , I told him I could pop it down after my art group but it would be as Teresa . He said that would be OK because the boys would be at school and his wife at work , I spent about an hour chatting with him over coffee at his home , which I really appreciated .
Life doesn’t really suck for me , I guess I’m very lucky , perhaps the fact I’m so happy with my life now people relate to it , it’s come a little late in my life so I have to make the most of the new start I’ve been handed .
You are so incredibly inspiring!!š³ļøāā§ļøšš
Vanessa
Geez, I feel the total opposite GPā¦(Hey – same initials!)
Iām so thankful Iām a crossdresser every day. Itās like having a parallel universe only I know about.
I can slip in and out of it whenever the mood strikes. āSomewhere only we know.ā (Keane song).
Even though we know thereās a lot of us āgirls like usā in the world, with varying degrees of the affliction, itās the old adage of āall real estate is localā. We can get ourselves all trannied up, hit our fave websites, take a few pics and think, thatās it, Iām heading out in all my girly gloryā¦then you get to the front door, open it and see that idiot neighbor of yours walking by. āUh, yeahā¦maybe not today.ā To me, thatās the vast majority of us. And applies to me too, mostly. My view is weāre never going to be more than an anomaly in the eyes of the general public. Some can handle it, most canāt. And that makes me like being a part of our group even more as I tend to be a contrarian, introverted type of gal.
As a bit of an aside, my own personal view is that some of us – especially those on the ācuterā scale, just make people nervous in general. First, ladies, because – hell, he looks better than me! Iāve shown my wife many unaltered pics of us girls to which she says: āSheās beautiful.ā And then to the guys – If you can look as beautiful as the real women, but still have that extra protuberance between your legs and I compliment youā¦.then OMGā¦I must be gay!!! That right there is one reason I told my wife right offā¦Iām attracted to the pretty crossdressers. Not in the same way as the ladies for sure, but attracted nonetheless. Iāve never thought oneās sexuality was locked in at birth. Tastes do change. I never liked broccoli as a kid and now itās a staple for me. People, especially men, grow tired of same old, same old. Weāre visual and open to new things. And weāre also men, which I know everyone here āgetsā. As you get older environments change. So do attitudes. We can fight things or adaptā¦our choice as you say above Gwen. When I see too much negativity looming, time for me to pivot. I choose the day Iām going to have, not them.
That said, Iām a girl who likes to always see the positives in everything. Thereās a solution to every problem. A lid for every pot. So, GPā¦how do ya feel about South Carolina? I do have a neighbor whoās always talking about moving. Maybe I could engineer a house swap between the two of you? Win/win!?!?! I can already hear my softball buddies out on the field: āDid you hear a āTransā moved in next door to our left fielder?ā āNo, I didnāt, but not surprisedā¦ā āReally? Why not?ā āWell – heās from San Francisco. Thatās all you need to knowā¦. I always knew he was gay.ā Itās hilarious – but that would be the dialogue for many. Gwen, if you moved in next door, that would mean Iām gay too. Because thatās so logicalā¦NOT!!! Right there is why weāll never be the ācup of teaā that the majority of society enjoys. And it is too bad and they donāt know what theyāre missing. We ARE the cool kidsā¦just sayin!š„°
I too live in a similar community to yours.
We all have different situations. Im married over 50 yrs. I have 5 children and 10 grandchildren. I know that at least one of my children know. My wife has known over 40 years and wants nothing to do with my femme side. Balance is the keyword in my life.
I have met so many nice people in our community. That helps the most.
Gwen,
Thanks for sharing about your diagnosis. When you are put into that situation, your view of life, your life changes. If you have never been put into that type of situation its hard to truly understand. My sympathy. And my sympathy for having to endure your neighbors. What’s worse, the gators or the neighbors? Hold your chest up and walk right up to them a smile.