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4 Powerful Steps We Can All Take to Achieve Personal Transition Nirvana 

We live in an era that dictates that we’re not enough and that happiness comes from things external to us. This type of thinking causes us to want more all the time. We feel we have to work harder, pursue more, and acquire more material goods. Unfortunately, this obsession can lead to a lot of stress.

This is also the case superficially.  We’re so caught up on the external looks and neglect our internal self needs focus and attention as well.

Sometimes we can find ourselves so caught up in chasing after something (TRANSITIONING), or money, fame, or status, that we lose sight of what we’re chasing. Then, when we finally get the goal that we thought we wanted, we realize we don’t care about it at all.

Transitioning seems to me to be about a symbiotic matching of the inner and outer self. 

Maybe you feel like a female or male energy trapped in a body that doesn’t match how you look superficially.

Some people say that to achieve fulfillment, we have to stop chasing after the things we think will make us feel fulfilled. However, this isn’t always possible. If you’ve grown up in a culture that promotes having “stuff,” (the superficial), it can be hard to break free from this mentality.

If we translate that to transitioning…

Many come to the conclusion that although they thought they wanted to fully transition, that they’ve found their Nirvana somewhere in between.

There have been may studies showing transgender suicide rates abhorrently high.  There are many factors leading up to that sad event but I believe much is tied up to the fact that their mental state was neglected during transition.  Some even get caught up in the hype from supportive friends to “go for it” when more introspection was needed tempered over time.

However, there are small steps you can take each day that can help you achieve comete fulfillment.  It’s about building a string mental foundation.

Let’s face it, Transitioning is really hard.  It’s a long, painful process.  Some say it’s the best thing they’ve ever done while many others have second thoughts after completing transition. 

It’s a very lonely life for some too.  Many lose family, friends and loved ones.  While this is often told as “a good thing to let them go if they don’t support you”, it hurts regardless if admitted.

The pool of qualified romantic candidates gets really small too.  If you’re M2F or F2M, the amount to candidates that are willing to go into a romantic relationship is reduced greatly in a binary world view.  This leads to loneliness which is another battlefield of the emotional variety.

I’m not being Debbie Downer here. Just making a point.  To withstand these difficulties, the inner self must be able to withstand the tribulations.

Try these techniques to fortify your inner self:

1. Determine your core values. Your core values are the things that make you feel complete and worthwhile as a person. These are the things that you’re most passionate about and that you believe firmly in.
● For example, if you have honesty as one of your core values, living a life of integrity would be necessary. You will not want to lie or cheat or steal and might even make a point of not gossiping or spreading rumors.  In a transgender view, living as ones true self is a form of self honesty.
● Determining your core values helps you achieve personal fulfillment by aligning your behaviors and actions with what matters to you.

2. Force yourself to grow each day. The interesting thing about human nature is that we’re never satisfied. We are constantly evolving, changing, and improving.  Transitioning is a form of evolving.
● When you find yourself procrastinating or avoiding doing something good for yourself, force yourself to do it. Getting healthy, for example, can be very challenging, but the benefits are well worth it.  Announcing to a loved one about your desires to transition helpful too.
● Choose to open yourself up to new ideas, hopes and dreams and you will start to see positive changes in your life.

3. Visualize what real transitioning means to you. When your successful transition is in the future, it can seem very abstract. But when you have a clear idea of what your successful transition means to you when you’re there, it will often help you overcome your resistance.
● EXAMPLE: Instead of saying that “I’m going to lose transition some day” say, “I will start hormone therapy by January 1.” Having a concrete goal for what you want to achieve will help you be more motivated to take action to get there.
● Interestingly, many successful transgender people today used visualization to help them achieve their transition. You can do the same to attain a sense of personal fulfillment.  Close your eyes and see your inner self with your minds eye.

4. Uncover your hopes and ambitions. We all have dreams and things that we hope for in our lives. However, they often remain buried underneath layers of resistance and denial. By setting aside some time and thinking about it, you can learn more about your desires and dreams and tap into your true potential of the new you.
● For example, what types of things would you like to do? What sort of work would you like to do? What kind of people would you like to associate with? How do you plan to earn a living?  By writing down your answers to these questions, you can clarify what you want and what you need to do to get it.

The above planning is often disregarded and they’re stuck without work.  Maybe start learning a high demand skill before and during transition so when youre ready, you e got a means of financial support.

Remember, true transitional fulfillment comes from within first, not chasing after an image alone. 

Be Strong.
Gwen Patrone 


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One Response

  1. Gwen ,
    I now realise transition is a much wider spectrum , there is no single definition that fits all . Reading your thoughts it becomes clear it’s a very difficult decision to make in isolation by that I mean deep in the closet . From my own experience it has helped enormously to meet other trans people socially , the majority in social groups are CDers for those few vital hours , a few others are taking hormones and a minority have had full surgery . It’s so good to share stories so we can gauge their lives against your own but it’s important not to base you life on theirs which is a very valid point you make . I admit I was naive about transition , my impression being once the surgery is over you comfortably live as a woman . I now know how much work , effort and sometimes pain goes into maintaining it . I do question sometimes if I’m being a coward or just being realistic , how much would it change my life if I chose to go down that road ? How much would other people need to know or care about ? I happily live full time now , some of the goals I’ve set have happened . My biggest challenge was starting a new home , it has been hard work because of the structual alterations but it’s also been so enjoyable to build a home that is totally mine . Transition hasn’t meant I’ve lost my family that’s why I chose the property I did , it’s still a family home for them . I have had my daughter and her family stay over for Xmas , last year on Father’s Day I had her and her husband and daughter , her mother in law and my mother , my son then dropped in later , I plan to do the same this year . We have just had a street party to celebrate the Queen’s 70 years reign , I now know so many new neighbours .

    So my version of transition is working for me , it ‘s about acceptance , achieving normality , finding a balance where I can be me whatever that is .

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