Hey everyone, I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on how my perspective on intimacy has evolved since transitioning, and I wanted to share some deeper thoughts on this. It’s fascinating—and honestly, a bit eye-opening—how gender can shape our experiences in such profound ways.
Let me dive in a little more.
As a man, sex felt like a mission: the pursuit and conquest. It was all about the chase, the thrill of the hunt, catching that moment of victory, and then… well, done. Quick, straightforward, goal-oriented. Don’t get me wrong, there’s excitement in that intensity, but it often felt fleeting, like sprinting to a finish line without savoring the path. It was physical, sure, but it didn’t linger in my mind or body the way I now know it can.
But now, as a woman? Wow, it’s a complete paradigm shift. For me, it’s all about the allure—the subtle glances, the building tension that starts long before anything physical happens. The tease is everything: those playful hints, the slow unraveling of anticipation that makes your skin tingle and your thoughts race.
Foreplay isn’t just a prelude; it’s the main event, drawing out every sensation, every whisper, every touch. And that temptation? It’s intoxicating, like a slow-burning fire that warms you from the inside out.
What I love most is how it becomes a whole body and mind experience. It’s not compartmentalized; it envelops you entirely. Your emotions get woven in—the vulnerability, the connection, the mental dance of desire. It lingers for hours, sometimes days, echoing in little shivers or smiles when you least expect it.
That extended pleasure, the way it builds layers upon layers, creates a depth that’s so much richer than the quick release I was accustomed to. It’s like trading a firework for a sunset—both beautiful, but one fades instantly while the other paints the sky for ages.
Guys, seriously, you have no idea what you’re missing out on if you haven’t explored this side of things! Society often pushes this narrative that men should be all about the conquest, but imagine slowing down, tuning into the nuances, and letting the experience unfold naturally. It could open up a whole new world of satisfaction for everyone involved—partners included.
Trust me, once you tap into that lingering magic, the “quick satisfaction” starts to feel… well, a bit underwhelming in comparison.
Who’s with me on this? Have your views on sex changed over time, or do you relate to one side more than the other?
Share your thoughts—I’d love to hear! 💕
Dr. Gwen Patrone
8 Responses
Gwen,
I hope othe members viewing this post do repond to it as it’s an important subject to pass comment on.
I guess most of us when we look back to our teenage years and possibly into our early twenties sex was grabbed moments with possibly another fairly naive partner . To the majority sex was the easy part , more so for boys and perhaps for many girls , love making was an art form that had to be learned like many things in life , it improves with time and practice .
Would I go as far to accept I wasn’t an Alpha male , could it have been the female side guiding me ? but I soon realised women need more time than men to fully enjoy the experience . A woman is an equal if not more important part of love making , to satisfy her men need to understand and control his desires and needs , in doing so he also experiences the greater intensity of the relationship .
I’m afraid there is a BUT coming !
I really hope others do respond to this question .
Did you realise when you formed a relationship with a woman that eventually became your wife that she was intent of having children BUT she wasn’t overjoyed about sex ?
How many marriages are based on producing children without fully enjoying sex ?
I love my son and daughter and would do anything for them ( in fact I have given so much over the years ) but as far as my wife was concerned my job was done , love can be explained in many terms but it should encompass the whole of your relationship , not parts of it . I guess it could be a reason why our marriage began to fall apart after I made the big reveal , how can you still love a husband when he may not wish to be totally male anymore ?
Her menopause was possibly the final straw , she finally declared she was done with sex , I’m now 75 and for the last twenty years I have never intimately touched my wife or any other person . I respected her wishes and needs but she totally ignored my needs .
So many members here strive to retain their marriage , often hiding away their true inner feelings and needs about dressing , sometimes you have to seriously consider is there any substance to cling onto , what have you become in this relationship ?
To end on a good note I can now say I’ve had eight happy years in becoming Teresa , I haven’t lost my son or daughter and I’ve tried to remains friends with my ex BUT I have no regrets , Ican truthfully say the MAN did his job and now he’s ( she’s ) moved on !
Teresa,
What a wonderful response. You always give great responses.
Teresa,
What a wonderful response. You always give great responses. You are so spot on and I think most can relate.
Gwen
As one of the “hiding” members here, I have to say that intimacy for me has been gone for many years. It was a combination of my wife’s menopause, her successful cancer treatment (hysterectomy), and her general health issues. I do love her, but I am not sexually attracted to her any more. Of course, I have my own issues with sex, so I do not imagine that I will be experiencing it in the future, in either male or female mode.
read this twice-maybe too tired but saw nothing re: gender. your choice of partner would have a major impact in this area. and a lot of folks in this situation opt for a male partner now.and how’s that going in the context of slowing down?
Emily,
I have no interest in a male partner , never going to happen ! At one point I did think I could form a close relationship with another woman but after almost fifty years of marriage I’m more than happy in my own company . I’ve now settled for good friends , I have a good social life so why complicate that with trying to form a relationship . They have no knowledge of my past they only recognise me as Teresa , to enter into a relationship would mean revealing my past , again never goint to happen the man has passed on !
Superb description Gwen! Yet another reason why I always felt a woman’s position as the pursued rather than the pursuer in the social/sexual experience was the superior one. I’m certain part of my reason I crossdress is to experience some small measure of that, even if only on a superficial level.
Kris
For some reason this made me think back to my first time. In the backyard of a vacant house. Drunk, both of us, fumbling around in the dark, rolling around back and forth, groping each other. After what seemed like a really short and sweet encounter – the girl says, “That was great!, wow!” And then stopped all the kissing and hot sweaty stuff and started to “reassemble” her things. So I did the same…but I remember thinking? WTF? That was it? That little spill was the big “O”? You gotta be shitting me! Surely there’s another one right around the corner? But oh no, that was it. She’s now fully dressed with all her clothes back on. “We’re all finished here” was the vibe I was getting. I thought there’d be so much more! Even as I was pulling myself together – I was thinking: “Isn’t there some sort of next level of joy that we didn’t get to just now? There has to be! Surely there is!” But alas, success can be a stale finale.
Then I got older, wiser. There are “next levels of joys”, plural, that one can find with the right partner. I know they’re joys that go WAY beyond sex. They’re not hiding in plain sight either, you gotta be observant in order to find them. But they do exist if you’re looking.