I wanted to share something personal about my journey. As a trans woman, especially one who’s tall—like a real tall glass of water—I know what it’s like to get a lot of stares. For a long time, those looks made me feel uncomfortable, like I was always on display and everyone was judging me. I used to let that fear hold me back from truly being myself.
But I got tired of letting fear win. I decided to face it, little by little. Instead of pushing myself to do something huge right away, I took small steps. I started going out more, even if it was just to grab a coffee. I wore outfits that made me feel good, not just what I thought would help me blend in. At first, my heart would race, but each time I survived—and sometimes even enjoyed—the attention, I got a tiny bit braver.
It’s not like the fear disappeared overnight. Honestly, I had to “domesticate” it, kind of like training a wild animal. Every small bite-sized action chipped away at that nervous feeling. I learned that most people aren’t actually thinking mean things—they’re just curious or surprised, and that’s okay! Now, when people stare, I don’t shrink away. I own it. Sometimes, I even enjoy being the center of attention because it means I’m not hiding anymore.
If you’re reading this and struggling with being seen or worried about judgment, know you’re not alone. Try taking baby steps out of your comfort zone, and give yourself credit for each one. Confidence isn’t magic—it’s built slowly, bit by bit, until one day you realize you have buckets of it!
Don’t let fear keep you from taking up space or living your truth. You deserve every bit of happiness just by being yourself.
Dr Gwen Patrone
💖✨ #TransIsBeautiful #ConfidenceJourney
5 Responses
Gwen,
It’s a lovely way of explaining it , ” I had to domesticate it ” , perhaps not so much a wild animal but more a wary one possibly a little fearsome . You’re also so right in saying very few people wish to harm you , as long as it doesn’t affect their lives and threaten them in any way .
Getting over all this is so rewarding because when you achieve a normal life people actually want to be part of yours , they gain confidence and trust you .
Baby steps are the way to go but sometimes giant steps have to happen , even now I still push the envelope , every so often we need that shot of adenaline to keep life interesting , Ok the next day we may say what the **** have I done , I must be mad !
I’ve been trying to figure out why being seen still feels so scary, even when I want to be seen. And that line about “training a wild animal”? Yeah, that nailed it. It’s not about flipping a switch—it’s about slowly not flinching.
I’m in therapy right now trying to work past that (and other things). We’ll see if this works.
I went to Lee Brewster’s location on 10th Ave in NYC in 1977 . I saw on the bulletin board a posting about CD parties on Long Island. There I met others just like me. Needless to say it changed my life. My family is my first priority, but Terri will always be a part of my life.
Gwen thanks for your encouragement today I’m at a stage right now where you hit my process right on the head, my height! I’m 6’2” and so conscientious about my height that it deters me from going out and enjoying myself more, your statement about baby steps has struck a cord with me and makes me want to start those baby steps and let my confidence build . Thanks for your writings and this little push I needed.
‘the funny thing over the years is that everyone seems to be growing taller (or maybe I’m shrinking from my 6’ 1″)
There comes a time when you just don’t think about presenting as a woman-you just do it