The story of my life… and one of my top favorite songs of all-time. The Climax Blues Band had two huge hits, this one and quite a few years later, the song called “I Love You”. That song was a beautiful ballad, lyrically building toward the climax. “I want you; I need you; I love you”. Back to our title song, the song that introduced me to cowbell.
I kept on looking for a sign in the middle of the night
But I couldn't see the light, no, I couldn't see the light
I kept on looking for a way to take me through the night
Couldn't get it right, I couldn't get it right
Don’t really know why it resonated so much with me, but as I said, the story of my life. I am well aware that I have gotten a few things in my life right, many, many things beginning with The Angel Known as My Wife. But nothing came easy, nothing came naturally. But, as I have come to realize now over a million years on this planet, I do survive. I do find a way. While anxiety may tie my innards up in knots sometimes thinking about or anticipating something, on game day, so to speak, my mind clears and I am great in a crisis or facing a challenge. We almost lost each of our children in their youth to illness or an accident, got through it (as they did as well). A business failure and my foolishness landed me in prison, I survived. [If you are not familiar with my story, read this, a brutally honest post that I will not rerun again.] Branded a felon, I have continued to generate revenue, help to provide for a family, which includes an actuary and a pharmacist and am now a proud grandparent. Couldn’t get it right but never got it totally wrong.
That calm in a crisis made my first steps in the world as Kandi relatively easy. Anxious about that first time? Of course. Too nervous to do anything about it? Too timid to get in front of tens, hundreds and thousands of people? Nope. After you have bent over, held your testicles and coughed in front of a CO to make sure you weren’t “suit casing” any contraband, wearing a dress really is not a reason to be nervous.
If you are considering your first time, do one simple thing. Breathe. Just breathe.
Above are the first known photos of Kandi. On the right, the second time in public, first doing so by leaving from our home. The other photo was an evening in Erie, PA. The two photos below are literally the first time I became Kandi, getting a full (not great, huh?) makeover to see what I would look like, never having dressed completely prior to this. A makeshift photoshoot was part of the deal (their clothes, not mine). This happened at Janet’s Closet in Detroit. Couldn’t get it right, until I did get it right.
Evolution, baby!
Made me laugh…
None of you see the blog like I do. To you all the wizard is the all-powerful OZ, all the smoke and lights.
To me, it’s (me) this guy:
So I am seeing the comments on my dashboard and I see this:
All I could think of was there is nothing worse than Grace on Grace crime! Anyway, it made me laugh.
8 Responses
Kandi,
No one gets it right and if they claim they do they are the biggest BSs out !
I have a post coming together that was based on an old sixties song that suddenly surfaced in my cerfuddled brain . Using the words I started to think which old pics set the scene for my eventual break out . Did I get it wrong ? You bet I did but at the same time wasn’t it fun finding out what worked and what didn’t .
Your post made me think again about the question , ” When is the right time to transition ? ” I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything , I made them what they are and they certainly made me what I am , they make you think about life , what’s really important . My daughter went on to get two degrees ( one with a first with honours ) and my son got a degree in civil engineering . Looking back I sometimes feel I almost deserve those degrees with the hours I put in to check and help rewrite their work BUT that’s what we do that’s what we’re here for , it’s paid off because they both accept me now as Teresa . If I’d transitioned earlier I may not have experienced all the highs and lows of being a parent and building a family home for them . Sometimes I felt I’d worked not seven days a week but eight days crammed into every week , OK part of that was trying to bury the turmoil inside , work till you drop and everything else fades away !! The icing on the cake being three grandchildren , I admit now I don’t see them as much as I’d like but again we did our bit . Before school age we had all three to care for most days while the parents worked , as much as I loved them it was great when they were packed off early evening leaving us to bring the house back from chaos .
“Grace on Grace?” Doesn’t surprise me. The girl cannot seem to get enough of herself. This vanity project known as “Grace Palmer” is totally out of control!😜
Aren’t all we girls the stars of our own movie? Sure seems like it to me. It’s part of the fun of all this crossdressing business.
I’ve always looked upon failure as a positive, unavoidable thing. Something to learn from. “Well, THAT didn’t work!” After all, nobody bats .1000. No one ever has and no one ever will. Yet our egos lead us to think we can. People need to fail in order to appreciate success. As long as you’re still alive and kicking, eveything else is just a setback. “Perfect” has always been the arch-enemy of “pretty good”.
“Couldn’t Get it Right”….you say? Ok, try again…😄
I am the proverbial cockroach, I cannot be killed and I have proven that time and time again!
Cockroach? Srsly girlfriend? Surely there’s a better analogy.🥰 Cat with nine lives maybe? Cute kittycat with 9 lives? Something…if only we had a simple tool to come up with a better phrase…ah yes…
Kandi – You are:
The phone that won’t die at 1% – somehow keeps going way longer than physics allows.
That one houseplant you keep forgetting to water but it’s still thriving.
The old jalopy that starts every winter despite every reason not to.
The weed that grows through concrete, refusing to quit.
The villain who won’t stay dead, even after the explosion!
A bad idea that keeps getting funded.
See? All of those better than the lowly cockroach.🥰
I’m feeling every bit the old jalopy…
Kandi, you look very good for your first time. We all try to find our place in like, for all your heartaches and difficulties in life you have come out in a very good place. You have loving children and have wonderful grandchildren. All of us girls in the community think the world of you. The girls who have been fortunate enough to meet you in person think highly of you as a friend. Having a loving wife who accepts you for who you are is the most significant positive in your life.
I am lucky to have had a job I have enjoyed, teaching has and is a joy of my life. I have traveled to many beautiful places. I have two wonderful children. My son is a computer engineer and has given me a wonderful grandson. He also accepts Julie and I am so thankful for that. My daughter is a stay at home mom, and has given me another wonderful grandchild. She is not accepting of my feminine side, so this has been difficult. My biggest failure is being a good husband to my wife. Our troubles started long before Julie emerged in my life.
She has never accepted this side of myself. My feminine side was the final thing that ended our relationship. We all have good and bad that makes up our lives, it’s how we deal with it matters.
Kandi, it has been a pleasure meeting you online (Someday in the near future I hope to meet you in person.) and being a part of this community. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Hugs Julie
I would certainly welcome a RL meeting!
When I go off like this, my main goal is to let those who struggle with all of this know we all have difficulties in our lives.
Some of it is crippling, some of it is just another hurdle.
We all need to know, we are far from alone and we all have our own circumstances to deal with.
But we are bound by those girls in us!
This is a no whining zone, nothing but love and support.
Thanks, Juls!
PS Anyone who has met me is lying to you… I am far from anything.
Julie, ok, you guys are reminding me of why I’m really loving to visit the “Kandi’sLand” – first thing as I start my day. It’s like a coffee klatsch with a girl posse.🤣 Meets all my requirements: 1. Coffee. 2. Cute girls. 3. Intelligent conversations. You guys trigger my thought patterns.
Julie this one from you resonated today. Like KR, I have the best, most accepting wife in the world. But guys we gotta remember…they’re women. As soon as you think everything is peaches and cream, it’s not. I swear, if things are running too smoothly they will create conflict and drama. And literally at times, out of nothing. (It’s kinda what they do, right?) What am I alluding to here? In this particular scenario the fact that even the most understanding spouse can only take so much. For whatever reason. It’s easy to get caught up in all this girly goodness we have all around and then forget to turn it off once in a while. We all do it. I don’t even act real girly around her when dressed. My pitfall is too many girly references, or comparisons. Mentioning it too much if you will. Crossdressing does live in real life. And for me, invites comparisons to other things I’m doing. It makes me think of something that’s similar in our little secret world. And though I think it’s interesting and am tempted to share with her – I’m training myself to keep my yap shut about it. There are times when she’s in the mood for some crossdresser convo and times when she’s not. That’s okay. I’m one of those who hates thinking they ever forced something onto someone they did not ask for. And do not want. It’s why I’m constantly surprised at girls saying they want to “come out” to people, family. What’s the upside? For both parties? Crossdressing isn’t something I’d ever want to do around my friends (bro-friends) or the little family I have left. Why tell them? It actually seems kind of selfish on the part of the crossdresser when I think about it. I know not everyone will agree with and we don’t have to.🥰. It’s food for thought as I drink my 3rd cup this am. If you don’t like this post, don’t worry, I have others.🤣