Broken Record

Welcome back to Kandi’s therapy couch. We’ve talked about how hard all of this can be (along with years of documenting how joyful it can be as well), how revealing yourself to lifelong friends can go and how out of balance I have gotten. Now allow me to take you into my head. I warn you, you must wear protective gear, it’s dangerous in there!

I have been in a terrible mental funk for quite some time now. I am not even sure why. This has resulted in an overall laziness and way too many cocktails to count. This past Sunday, as of the day this was written, was a very hot and humid day. I played pickleball for over two hours and then spent another two plus hours on a combination of landscaping and mowing our lawn. While I hydrated a bit, I generally don’t drink enough water. I have always done this in an attempt to be a camel in a race (stopping to drink slows one down and must come out the other side, one way or the other, another impediment) as well as trying desperately to drop a few lbs. I got cleaned up and killed off about three one-quart mason jars of whiskey lemonade, emphasis on the whiskey part. I grilled a wonderful dinner for my wife and I, cleaned it all up and then basically passed out (not like I fainted, I did so in a controlled fashion). That may have been the impetus to make changes. Plus, I am getting tired of feeling like dirt every single morning.

I am by no means trying to be 100% sober, but I am (as of the day this was written) three days dry (yeah, BFD, I know). I have also run twice for the first time in forever, three miles per. No stopping. Decent pace. Having recently walked a 5K was embarrassing, more like pathetic. I have also, finally, gotten back into a twice weekly workout routine, focused on stretching and rehabbing my shoulder. Again, not something I had done for months. I had stopped playing pickleball for a few months and got back to that as well. Physical activity fills the void that Kandi hoovers up and takes me to places I don’t want to or need to go. Also, my recent spate of MRIs, done to determine if I had any cancer issues, have both come up clean.

On top of all of that, I have removed my head from my posterior and finally gotten to work on creating a flexible and advantageous revenue generating system. I have been wallowing in self-pity most of this year. No more. While I am aging (as the cliche goes, better than the alternative), I will never be any healthier in a day, week, month or year than I am at this very moment. I must take advantage of what I have right now.

My hope is to take back control of my life, intertwine Kandi into all of that instead of her dominating my life (she clearly has of late), get back to my necessary balance (my balance is different than your balance). I shut down some things I was contemplating but could not live with myself had I done. Time to get my fat ass back into shape and then to take advantage of that shape (certainly helps when dressed too).

I am speaking this out into the ether; it certainly is unlikely to happen but here goes: Boston 2027! One should have a goal to shoot for to make all of this real.