Welcome back to Kandi’s therapy couch. We’ve talked about how hard all of this can be (along with years of documenting how joyful it can be as well), how revealing yourself to lifelong friends can go and how out of balance I have gotten. Now allow me to take you into my head. I warn you, you must wear protective gear, it’s dangerous in there!
I have been in a terrible mental funk for quite some time now. I am not even sure why. This has resulted in an overall laziness and way too many cocktails to count. This past Sunday, as of the day this was written, was a very hot and humid day. I played pickleball for over two hours and then spent another two plus hours on a combination of landscaping and mowing our lawn. While I hydrated a bit, I generally don’t drink enough water. I have always done this in an attempt to be a camel in a race (stopping to drink slows one down and must come out the other side, one way or the other, another impediment) as well as trying desperately to drop a few lbs. I got cleaned up and killed off about three one-quart mason jars of whiskey lemonade, emphasis on the whiskey part. I grilled a wonderful dinner for my wife and I, cleaned it all up and then basically passed out (not like I fainted, I did so in a controlled fashion). That may have been the impetus to make changes. Plus, I am getting tired of feeling like dirt every single morning.
I am by no means trying to be 100% sober, but I am (as of the day this was written) three days dry (yeah, BFD, I know). I have also run twice for the first time in forever, three miles per. No stopping. Decent pace. Having recently walked a 5K was embarrassing, more like pathetic. I have also, finally, gotten back into a twice weekly workout routine, focused on stretching and rehabbing my shoulder. Again, not something I had done for months. I had stopped playing pickleball for a few months and got back to that as well. Physical activity fills the void that Kandi hoovers up and takes me to places I don’t want to or need to go. Also, my recent spate of MRIs, done to determine if I had any cancer issues, have both come up clean.
On top of all of that, I have removed my head from my posterior and finally gotten to work on creating a flexible and advantageous revenue generating system. I have been wallowing in self-pity most of this year. No more. While I am aging (as the cliche goes, better than the alternative), I will never be any healthier in a day, week, month or year than I am at this very moment. I must take advantage of what I have right now.
My hope is to take back control of my life, intertwine Kandi into all of that instead of her dominating my life (she clearly has of late), get back to my necessary balance (my balance is different than your balance). I shut down some things I was contemplating but could not live with myself had I done. Time to get my fat ass back into shape and then to take advantage of that shape (certainly helps when dressed too).
I am speaking this out into the ether; it certainly is unlikely to happen but here goes: Boston 2027! One should have a goal to shoot for to make all of this real.
13 Responses
Kandi,
Thank you for sharing. A mental dump, from time to time, is very healthy.
It sounds like you have now found a good balance in your life, and a positive goal helps focus everything.
Lots of love and hugs going out to you.
Jocelyn
Jocelyn, Having found anything is not the case, it is an ongoing process. Knowing where I need to go is the victory here. The support of friends like you is so valuable, thank you!
Kandi, I have the opposite issue with the same effect – not being able to get out since late April and starting a new job this month have left me in sorry shape. I really want to lose the expanding gut! But finding the time in my schedule is honestly difficult. I did walk a 5K as part of a fundraiser, it wasn’t horrible but it took longer than I expected.
We will get through these downtimes each in our own way, so that the ups are more enjoyable. I support your goal of Boston 2027 and pledge to meet with you if you qualify. Good luck! ☘️
❤️❤️❤️
Kandi,
The important thing is you know what is wrong with your life and you accept the ways to improve it . I still believe Kandi is an important part of your life , she gives you purpose , the need and drive to keep yourself in good health , without her what would the male version really become ?
You care for your wife because she supports you through your highs and lows , she really is a gem ! Now you have a grandchild to look forward to , I hope you find Kandi also has a place in all that , it can happen as I’ve proved .
As you comment your life isn’t like ours but many of us have been through **** , I count myself lucky I scraped through my darkest moments , OK 74 is far from young but I know I still have a good life left to enjoy if I take reasonable care of myself .
You are now part of many people’s lives , OK more as Kandi so she is worth a great deal to save and enjoy , she gives a an unmissable part of your life and many others , I’m so proud to call you a friend .
Thank you dear!!!
I think as we age we all reflect on things we want to do better, either being more healthy or trying to exercise again.
I’ve been trying to change my diet a bit, a few more protein drinks instead of the processed meals.
Exercising isn’t as frequent but I get it in when I can.
Life is just hard especially I feel as a single person.
Thanks for sharing here, because we can all be better and we can do this together even across the miles
You all are the best therapy there is!
Let me be the devil (or angel; can’t decide which) on your shoulder.
I understand the idea of goals. I too need lots of carrots at the end of my stick. I also understand the idea that race day is crap if you don’t train for it. For the record, I have done three marathons, with a best of 4:57. I have done the four hour training runs to prep for race day (and my rule now is after three hours, it’s not fun anymore, so I don’t do any more marathons and I limit my triathlons to those I can do in about three hours plus change).
But qualifying for Boston isn’t a realistic goal, IMO. Your mind may think it can but I’m not sure your body is gonna agree.
Running a marathon is a fine goal. Trying to qualify for one of the world’s most prestigious marathons with exacting standards is, IMO, the bridge too far. Setting goals that are more likely than not to fail isn’t a great motivator. Don’t try to write checks that your body–with everything you have going on–can’t cash.
Set your goal to run a marathon, not race a marathon (and getting into Boston would require racing a marathon). Me thinks in the long run you’ll achieve the fitness goal without the risk of overstressing your body. Set your sights on Akron again, and make that happen, and call it your Boston. I think that will work out a lot better.
Just my two cents, from someone who at least has a bit of the background to know about marathons and being realistic about what it takes to do them–especially at a really past pace.
Dee, I appreciate the advice, but I well know all of this. I need to be in that mindset, whether or not any of it happens. Also, 2027 means I get an actually reasonable qualifying time, when I will then be 65. Possible? We’ll see. Likely? Of course not. My physical ability to run a marathon has not changed, it’s the mental aspect that has. My health issues have been upper body; the legs remain strong. I never thought anyone would pay me to act as Kandi and in a week or so, someone will be doing that, again. So, we’ll leave that carrot hanging and see where it leads me. Maybe only into better shape… Appreciate you! 😊
Kandi,
Perhaps we should reflect on the saying , ” When one door closes another opens ” . OK so what if you don’t compete in marathons , why do them if they give you grief ? but then you will be doing other things like acting .
Running later in life isn’t alwasy a good thing , you have to compromise between fitness and damaging joints , I enjoy walking so much and I love sightseeing and being in the countryside so why try long walks or hiking , your body will thank you for it and your mind will be content with the sights you’ve seen , I always take a camera and possibly a sketch pad and possibly drop in at the local pub .
Prayers for your success.
Leann
That is so very, very kind of you! Thank you so much dear!!