By Cristy Garcia
What is it about crossdressing that gives some men a such state of mind that only those of us who feel compelled to do it and get to do it can fully experience?
As I have mentioned, countless times, I am convinced that I was born a crossdresser and it has to do with my brain’s wiring rather than any childhood trauma or fetish. I was not forcefully dressed as a girl or” humiliated” in that way at any point in my life, but have memories, from a very early age, about willingly trying on some of my mother’s garments and shoes, that obviously did not fit. I am the oldest of four children and the one sister is the youngest, and ten years younger than I. So, there were no big sisters in the picture either. It has always been something I have felt compelled to do and have found ways to do it throughout my life. At first there was the guilt and shame, then the thrill and excitement and, once I came to terms with it, the real peace and enjoyment.
Do I need an answer to the question with which I started this writing? Not really; all I need is self acceptance and ways to express this facet of my being.
Young CDs have it easier today since there is more awareness and even acceptance or tolerance from society. Those who are around my age and older had to go through rough times and many still do. My advice to all is to not try to find an explanation or cure but rather for self acceptance. Once you come to terms with who you are, you will be able to fully enjoy your feminine expression and presentation.
There is always the issue of keeping it in hiding, and that is perhaps the most difficult phase that most of us, older girls, have gone through. At one point or another we have had to hide it from loved ones and, in most cases, from friends, coworkers and other people around us. The fear of being rejected or disowned by loved ones is always too strong an issue to come clean with our spouse and family. I was lucky to confide my “secret” to my wife, for 30 years now, when we were only friends and know that most of our sisters still live in hiding. In my opinion, a loved one will appreciate our telling them and if they really love us they will at least tolerate it within reasonable limits. It is very important that to have clear information from trustworthy sources so that they can draw their own conclusions and realize that we are not gay or want to be women. Please do not take this as encouragement but rather as something to take into consideration.
Feeling AT EASE will only come when the guilt and shame is gone.