Admiration

I reached out to three of my admirers, gentlemen who have been kind, treated me like a lady and shared of themselves. I simply asked them why they had an interest in me and my sisters. These are their responses.

Facebook friend: First thing you need to know about me I’m all about freedom. It says in the preamble to the constitution The pursuit of happiness. So, if something makes you happy, you have the right to do it. As long as it doesn’t affect anyone in a negative way I will support it. Now some history. In my neighborhood was a boy who also is my son’s best friend. I have known him since he was in second grade. She is now about 34 years old. She was in a Boy Scout troop I was involved with. I was on the committee and the troop chaplain. She went through the program and became an Eagle Scout. About two or three years ago she came out as trans. That was my close contact with the trans community. I’m also a curious person. So, I did some research. Still curious so I started dialoguing with transgender folks here. What I learned is the incredible courage of these people. I would have to imagine it must be very difficult to come out to relatives, friends and coworkers. That bravery is very impressive. I don’t think I could do it. I have also learned that transgender persons are open to discuss their life situation. I respect and appreciate that. I have found they are open to talk and explain the whole experience. I guess I am not threatening so they trust me and are willing to share.

I guess the courage is what I admire the most. Especially in these times.

Flickr friend: For me it started in my early teens. I caught the Donahue talk show. He was interviewing a few transgenders. Some were dressed provocatively. Well, I found myself aroused. Then again being a young teenager boy, when the wind blew well…. then there were more talk shows. I was getting intrigued with this lifestyle. Still doing all the teenager dating. Falling in and out of love with the girls. My good friend worked at a mom-and-pop gasoline station after school. It sold adult magazines. Again, I would find articles of a trans nature. Then there was the Rochester D&C Sunday newspaper. They had a personal classified section. There would be CDs and trans looking. Never acted on it but was intrigued.

Then came the internet, I was in my earlier twenties. Working construction, I was able to save for a computer. 

I get this Gateway computer and the internet. I was learning about everything under the sun. eBay is relatively new. I learned to buy and sell antique tools and other antique items. Eventually porn came to mind. Single young man and all. An ad came up for transsexuals. Now I wasn’t looking for that and I scrolled by. Few nights later I typed “crossdresser”. There were a lot of distasteful sites. I believe when I found Vanity Fare or a sight similar to it, I started reading profiles of people. I was amazed at how some were so feminine in appearance. They had down to earth profiles. Again, I was intrigued by all of it. Then a pop-up ad came up for Gay.com. Mind you I consider myself a heterosexual male. At this sight they had categories of chat rooms. One was TS/TV/CD. So, I entered my first chat room. 

So, in my first chat room ever. After seeing who was who and how it worked. I found an interesting profile and I said hi. We had a nice chat. Then again, the next night we seemed to click. She was living in Chicago and going to school. She was transitioning with the blessing of her mother. She was well educated and a pianist. We entertained each other night after night. Just chatting about life, hope and dreams. I was starting to have feelings for this person. Then she asked if we could meet. She even offered to drive here for the weekend. Well, I got scared. I thought here my hometown, family all around, where I work and friends live. At the time I had an old pickup truck so going there was an option. I made up excuse after excuse. Then I started to avoid her. Telling you this now still makes me sad and mad at myself. To me she was an amazing person. I believe she went on to transition and even wrote a book. I left that website. I stopped searching for sights for a few months. Just living a late twenty-year-old male life. 

Growing up working hard and playing harder. The novelty of the new computer wore off. I would check Vanity Fare profiles once in a while. I’m thinking there was another site too. That was educational not just pornographic. Early thirties now. Longest relationship with a woman ten months. The Gateway computer started slowing down. It would freeze up and so on. So, I took it to the recycling center. My brother has started his family. I consume my time working and doing family things. Still looking for Miss Right. Then I decided to buy a new computer. Great deal on Del then. Maybe thirty-nine now.

I started searching the sites again. I knew about Craigslist while searching for antiques. I started searching their personals. A CD posted. She was looking for a meet up. The person was a bar owner about two hours away. We arrange to meet halfway at a Dunkin Donuts. Finally, my first person in-person meeting. I can still remember a late summer down pour. We met in parking lot. Talk with windows down for a few minutes. We decided to go in for coffee and conversation. I can’t remember her name. I remember she was dressed to blend in and very stylish. I felt comfortable nervous but comfortable. She asks if we should go find something else to do. I just looked at my watch and said I should get back. We hugged and went our separate ways. Yahoo had messenger and group chats. I just remembered that’s where we would chat. We were always going to meet again. She was attractive, but she was a smoker and maybe drug use. She was a bar owner. I must remind you I live in a small town a long way from anywhere lol. 

Facebook friend: A little bit about me. I’m 62, married for 40 years to a very attractive and understanding wife. My wife was a lingerie model for a few years alongside running her business until recently. We were part of a small and exclusive swinging group for many years, so we have always been open minded as regards sex. She has known of my passion for trans women for years now. She actually has a couple of friends who now identify as female, one a former work colleague so she totally understands my interest. I’m a very lucky man in many respects, I am really enjoying your photos, you are incredibly stylish and confident and I’m sure you are a huge inspiration to many people out there who want to change the way they live. Keep on doing what you do. x

What I have discovered in my (I so hate this word, but it’s the right word) journey is that literally every single person I encounter as Kandi can be one of the most amazing people one could encounter, and they could also be the most vile. Yes, that is true of everyday life, but these days our community is in a different place. That all said, I have personally encountered very few of the vile. My significant direct personal experiences have been with the best of humanity. That is because I follow my rules to the tee.

Be smart, about where you go, how you hold yourself, who you associate with, where and when you are out.

Be appropriate, in both appearance and demeanor. I am kind to all. I dress to impress, not to shock. I look like an attractive and fashionable 64-year-old woman. I dress for where I am and what I am doing. Do I skew a bit “dressier”? Sure, but I am not wearing the stereotypical ball gown to a bowling alley.

Be confident, the smile is my all-access pass to almost anything I want to do, anywhere I wish to go. Anyone who acts nervous will draw negative attention and raise the caution level of others, regardless of their gender or attire.

Be visible, we change minds one at a time. We need to continue to make our presence in society something that is just a regular occurrence, not some Halloween exception.

Thanks, fellas, for sharing here and being who you are…remarkable human beings.