When I look back on my life, there are a few moments that stand out as defining, where the decisions I made shaped not only my path but also the lives of those I love most.
These moments are deeply intertwined with the birth of my children and the wisdom imparted to me by my Thai Buddhist wife, whose beliefs and practices have profoundly influenced the way I live my life.
Twenty-seven years ago, when our son was born, we were both filled with anticipation and hope, as all new parents are. But there was also a lingering fear. The doctors had estimated that our son would weigh around eight pounds, but when he arrived, he was nearly eleven pounds—a significant difference that immediately raised concerns about his health.
The first words out of my mouth were, “Wow, he looks awful big. Is he OK?”
To ensure his well-being, the hospital placed him with the preemie babies for monitoring. During this anxious time, my wife turned to me and said something that has resonated with me ever since:
“You have to sacrifice something you love for someone you love.”
This principle, rooted in her Thai Buddhist upbringing, speaks to the idea that true love is often demonstrated through personal sacrifice. It’s a concept that challenges us to put the needs of others before our own desires, a value that is central not just to Thai culture, but to many spiritual traditions around the world.
Understanding the depth of her words, I knew I had to make a meaningful sacrifice. As a chef and a former restaurant owner, food is more than just sustenance to me—it’s a passion, a form of art, and a source of joy.
I love the experience of cooking, tasting, and sharing meals. However, in that moment, I knew that I had to make a choice that would reflect my commitment to our son’s well-being. I chose to give up beef, a food that I truly loved. It wasn’t easy, but every time I felt the pang of missing it, I reminded myself that this was my way of supporting my son, of showing my love in a tangible way.
Seven years later, we welcomed our daughter into the world. Her arrival brought with it new challenges. She had issues digesting milk and required a special formula called Neocate, which came with a hefty price tag of $45 per can.
Once again, my wife reminded me of the same principle: “You have to sacrifice something you love for someone you love.”
This time, I decided to give up pork. It was another difficult choice, especially considering my deep appreciation for food, but it was one that I made with the same love and dedication that guided my earlier decision.
These sacrifices were not about the food itself; they were about what the food represented. For me, giving up something I loved was a way to channel my energy and focus on my children’s health and happiness.
It was a small gesture in the grand scheme of things, but it was a daily reminder of my priorities and the values I wanted to instill in my children. In Thai-Buddhist culture, sacrifice is not just about giving something up; it’s about cultivating a sense of detachment and recognizing the impermanence of all things.
It’s about understanding that our attachments, whether to material possessions or sensory pleasures, are often barriers to our spiritual growth and the well-being of those we care about.
By letting go of these attachments, even temporarily, we open ourselves to a greater sense of peace and purpose. This perspective has been a guiding force in our family, shaping the way we approach challenges and reinforcing the bonds of love and commitment that hold us together.
For those who know me, it might seem surprising that I would give up something as central to my identity as food. After all, being a foodie, a chef, and a former restaurant owner, food is deeply intertwined with who I am.
But these sacrifices were never about rejecting the things I love; rather, they were about embracing a love that is even greater.
My love for my children far surpasses any attachment to food.
It’s a love that is unconditional, unwavering, and willing to endure discomfort for the sake of their well-being. As I reflect on these experiences, I realize that these sacrifices have also enriched my life in unexpected ways.
They have deepened my connection to my family, strengthened my understanding of Thai-Buddhist principles, and reminded me of the importance of living a life that is guided by love and compassion.
In sharing this story, I hope to convey a message that transcends cultural boundaries: the idea that true love often requires us to make sacrifices, not out of obligation, but out of a deep and abiding commitment to the well-being of those we cherish. Whether it’s giving up a favorite food, a habit, or something else we hold dear, these acts of love and sacrifice are what make life meaningful.
They are the threads that weave together the fabric of our relationships, creating bonds that are stronger than any material attachment.
So, the next time you’re faced with a difficult choice, remember that sometimes the greatest expression of love is found in the things we’re willing to give up for the sake of those we love.
It’s a lesson I’ve learned through experience, and it’s one that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
Dr. Gwen Patrone
2 Responses
Gwen,
I’m sure your post will make most of us think what would we give up for that deep, true love . Obviously beef and then pork featured more in your decision as they were important ingredients for someone closely associated with the love of food .
While I don’t claim to be a great cook I still get great satisfaction in cooking for my friends , you are giving something special from you . Some people don’t see the value of that gesture , I had a friend who refused to eat my cooking instead she would insist on Chinese takeaways , I don’t think she realsied how must I felt hurt by her actions .
Sadly some of us eventually realise that the love we gave wasn’t returned , some people through no fault of their own don’t understand how to give . Being transgender has unlocked my true feelings but some people refuse to accept and relate to that , I also accept in some respects we become stronger but in other way we become more vulnerable because we allow our emotions to flow more freely . It is part of learning to love ourselves for what we truly are .
There’s is such a strength that comes from sacrificing something in your life that you really want or love. I know it from similar experiences. Unfortunately I’ve never been able to sacrifice my feminine side save for short periods of time. I’m learning like many others that you have to come to terms with it, but not let it rule your life and in that way it is somewhat of a sacrifice.