This song, tremendous on so many levels, summarizes my life. I am crazy lucky, to have the friends I have, to do what I want wearing what I want, to have an amazing family, to be me. This amalgamation of conflicts, restlessness. Better Than Ezra is such a joyful band, their concerts never a disappointment. Find them, thank me when you do!

There are six and three quarter billion people in this world
And 51 percent of them are girls
You roll your eyes like I’m full of it,
But I Googled that shit
And if the world is four times bigger than the moon
Then tell me, how on Earth did I find you
With just two grains of sand blowing on the beach
Damn that’s deep.

It’s like faith, God, or The Big Bang
It’s just one of them things that you can’t explain
And I don’t need to know why
Maybe we’re crazy crazy lucky,
Maybe we’re crazy crazy lucky.

My friend Chynna invited me to join her and her friend Jennifer (see below) for dinner and a punk ska concert. I passed on the concert part (not my cup of tea, punk ska that is, I go to many concerts), but on August 1, 2026, I happily joined them for dinner. For me the day ended up rolling on and on such that my intention to stretch my wings a bit beforehand never happened. But our dinner was lovely. I got to know both ladies a bit better, particularly Jennifer, whom I only said a few words to in passing at a recent Lake Erie Gala. It was an intimate space at the restaurant, so my two friends, both taller than I, did draw an eyeball or two, but nothing untoward. The conversation simply flowed, sharing and telling tales. It was just a delightful meal with two delightful ladies.

I punctuated the evening with a night cap at a favorite watering hole. Saw a bartender friend before she punched out and just enjoyed looking cuter that cute in a room full of people. Good to be…

A quick discussion on my outfit. I wanted to go cold shoulder all the way, but I am simply unhappy how my back looks. I feel like I am feminine “looking” from the front, but my shoulders too big without softening them. So, I added the cardigan and loved how I looked that way. It’s the subtleties of women’s outfits that bring me such creative bliss.

What’s she yakking about now?

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The Need for Community

This post originally ran March 31, 2022, reposted here verbatim.

One thing I have discovered in my life, about me, is that I crave a sense of community. To be part of something greater than myself. I can see that in a few things that I do.

As you know, I am a runner. The running community is wonderful. I have a friend that I made by running and training together. When I meet another runner, there is an immediate connection and an ease of conversation and sharing of stories.

This sense of community also exists in my volunteer activities, those that I enjoy the most. That existed in my church. That exists in places that I frequent, like my Third Friday visits. That exists with my friends and my passion for music. That exists in my yoga. That exists now in playing pickleball. Men and woman, young and old, rich and poor, working and retired, just having fun and competing in a very friendly and supportive fashion.

I guess why I have not been able to wrap my arms around my job, there now for soon to be nine years, which puts food on my table and gives me a very favorable work schedule is that I am a disposable asset. I am not a part of the team as I am a self-employed subcontractor. I am a key component in the supply chain, my function essential. But I am considered more a cog in the machine, not valued, disposable and easily replaceable. No sense of community. No sense of belonging. Co-workers that I have worked side-by side with for years have lunches, cookouts, holiday parties, etc. I am not ever invited. It’s not bad, please don’t get me wrong. It’s just not good either, simply it is what it is. When at work, I am in some form of personal limbo, just biding my time, getting through. It gives me zero sense of accomplishment. In any other endeavor, I enjoy the “job well done”. Not here. For example, when I cut the lawn, afterward I like to admire the job well done for a few minutes. It wasn’t hard, it wasn’t difficult, but I feel like I accomplished something. My job? Show up, produce, go home.

As I reflect on my life, it’s that feeling of belonging that makes the things, places, people, organizations valuable to me important. Being Kandi is no longer a “feminine experience”, that feeling is long since gone. It’s being someone many want to be around, get to know, being unique, loved. We all evolve, I have and it’s different than it was before. Kandi remains important, she just isn’t my everything.

This lack of community is what I have discovered and has disappointed me on the LGBTQ community. There is certainly some of that there, but there it is missing much more than it should. It is a broad umbrella, not necessarily a community. This is why my volunteer activities have moved much more into the mainstream that it does with LGBTQ causes. I just get that feeling of belonging. You can see that in recent posts, the Go Red events and that evening for Destination Cleveland. We all want to belong to something.

Now next week we’ll talk about my Keystone experience and I went there for a second time because I got that feeling of belonging last time. I have gone to other similar functions and did not get that feeling. Our attire means little, it’s what is in our hearts.

But the way, the way you love me
Has got me feeling crazy crazy lucky
Feeling like oh oh oh
Like we’re crazy lucky
Crazy lucky

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Jennifer is very thoughtful on her Facebook posts. With her permission, I am now sharing, a Facebook post written July 31, 2026.

Over the past few months I have been disclosing my transgender identity and my transition to dozens and dozens of friends, family, and colleagues – many of whom might read this. The experience has been OVERWHELMINGLY positive!

Most of the time I try to have these disclosure discussions face to face, but sometimes I am forced to do it via chat, email, etc. And of course every message I write is highly personal, but I have recognized a comfortable pattern that works for me – so I thought I would share it for anyone who is in the same situation.

It goes like this:

1. Reconnect as friends. (E.g. “How’s life? This has been a big year for our family…”)

Ex: Our older daughter recently moved into her own place, and our twins are both heading off to college this fall, so our nest is getting very empty very quickly!

2. Share one important truth, with a little history – but focus on the joy and peace I have found.

Ex: Over this last year, I’ve come to understand something about myself that I’d spent decades trying to make sense of. I’m transgender, and Jennifer is the name I use when I’m presenting as my authentic self.

3. Reassure them about the people they care about (my wife, the kids, my work).

Ex: The kids have been amazing, and although it has been a challenge for my wife, she is being very understanding and supportive.

4. Tell them why you’re sharing, and invite the friendship to continue.

Ex: I wanted to tell you personally because I’ve always respected your work and have enjoyed knowing you over the years.

Notice what is NOT here:

I do not ask for approval or permission.

I do not defend my identity.

I do not try to persuade.

I am simply saying:

“Here’s what’s been happening in my life. I’d like you to know because you matter to me.”

They feel like conversations between old friends rather than announcements.

Hope this is helpful for someone!