WHEN WILL YOU LIVE VERSUS HOW YOU’RE LIVING NOW?

Hey there, beautiful souls! 🌟 It’s Gwen here, cozied up with my favorite latte pondering something that’s been on my mind a lot lately.

Life has a way of tossing us unexpected bumps and bruises, but often, it’s not the fall itself that hurts—it’s the way we’ve been wired to react.

We all have a choice with how we react to outside events it starts within us! Oh yes! How we react to pain, heartache, even the political climate. I choose to see people as good first, until they show me otherwise. While others look to see the negative around every corner. These are conditioned responses and YES, they can be changed.

Let me share a little story that always brings this home for me.

Picture a young child, just learning to toddle around, who suddenly takes a spill and lands on their little bottom. They don’t immediately wail or cry. Instead, they freeze for a second, glancing up at the grown-ups nearby, reading our faces like a book. If we panic, furrow our brows, and rush in with worry, that’s when the tears flow. But if we keep it light, smile, and cheerfully say, “Oops! All good—let’s get back up!” they usually shake it off with a laugh and carry on exploring.

It’s such a pure example of how our emotions aren’t always hardwired from birth; they’re shaped by what we see and absorb around us. Fear, pain, joy, even shame—they’re often conditioned responses, picked up from family, society, or past experiences.

This carries right into adulthood, doesn’t it? Maybe you grew up in an environment where emotions were swept under the rug, so now you struggle to express how you really feel, letting things build up until they overflow. Or perhaps cultural messages convinced you that certain paths in life are off-limits, filling you with doubt every time you dare to dream big.

In my own journey as a trans woman, I’ve uncovered so many layers of this.

Early on, I internalized fears about living authentically—ideas that it would lead to isolation or harm—because that’s what the world around me subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) taught. It got so bad that I buried those feelings for 45 years!!! It took time to uncover them again and then to realize those reactions weren’t inherently mine; they were echoes of conditioning.

But here’s the empowering part: that conditioning isn’t set in stone. It’s like an old habit you can break and replace with something fresh and supportive. You have the ability to uncondition what weighs you down and recondition your emotions, your work, your relationships—your entire life—to align with who you truly are.

It starts with awareness, that quiet superpower of pausing to notice your automatic reactions. The next time a surge of fear or discomfort hits, gently ask yourself if it’s genuinely yours or a leftover from someone else’s script. Journal about it, chat with a close friend, or sit in meditation to trace its origins.

For instance, if speaking your truth in a group setting sends your heart racing, think back—maybe a childhood memory of being shut down planted that seed of hesitation. Shining a light on it begins the shift.

From there, you can challenge those patterns and rewrite them. Flip the narrative with positive affirmations, vivid visualizations, or baby steps toward change.

I like to think of it as giving yourself the reassuring glance that toddler craves—be your own calm voice saying, “We’ve got this; let’s choose a different response.”

In my pre-transition days, I was a chronic people-pleaser, but by practicing small boundaries, like politely declining invitations that drained me, I started carving out space for what truly nourished my soul. And don’t underestimate the power of your surroundings—curate them intentionally. Seek out inspiring voices, dive into books like “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, or connect with communities that celebrate growth.

For me, linking arms with fellow trans folks has been transformative; we swap tales of shedding outdated gender norms, reminding each other that reprogramming is a shared adventure.

Throughout it all, wrap yourself in patience and self-compassion. This isn’t a quick fix—it’s a gentle unfolding, with stumbles along the way that become your greatest teachers.

Honor every small victory, like the moment you meet criticism with openness rather than walls. You’re reclaiming your emotional world, turning it into a garden that blooms for you.

If this stirs something in you, I’d love to hear about it—drop a ❤️ or share a conditioned response you’re ready to release in the comments.

Have you had your own “toddler tumble” insight?

Let’s connect and support each other on this path. You’re the storyteller of your life now; time to craft chapters filled with freedom and joy. 💖

With all my love and virtual hugs,
Dr. Gwen Patrone

Editorial Comment: I want to make sure we all understand how lucky we are to have our Gwen Saturdays, our lovely Sun-Dees and Mandy Tuesdays. Thank you ladies all!