I know so many struggle with the dilemma of coming out to children, the fears are understandable because basically it could mean losing a father figure.
My son and daughter are both adults with children of their own which in some cases can make the problem even more difficult to deal with.
So how did I deal with the problems? I came out by accident to my daughter, I forgot she was at home and caught me ironing a dress which she knew didn’t belong to her mother so I told her straight who it belonged to and why. She has never had a problem with my dressing situation, in fact I go out on a regular basis with her and her daughter, she is totally comfortable with my appearance.
I came out to my son while talking through the separation with his mother. On the whole it’s harder for a son to deal with than a daughter, the thought of losing dad is hard to understand. So far he has met me several times but I’ve never been to his home or met his wife or sons as Teresa, we all know it’s going to happen at some point, to me the ball is very much in their court.
There is a difference with my situation as I’m transgender rather than a crossdresser. I don’t mean this as a put down to crossdressers but as far as my family members are concerned they know I choose not to appear in male mode, is this easier or harder for them? [Editorial comment: as we have learned from many here, there are many variations of us here, no one is right and no one is wrong. Every one is simply who we are.] Personally I see it as easier because I’ve removed any uncertainty or confusion as to why I choose to dress as a woman. While it’s not posed in the question this situation has been more beneficial for my mother, she now addresses my birthday and Christmas cards as Terri and never uses Mr.
I feel this question highlights the decision you must make at some point, most know the dressing isn’t going to stop so seriously think what the dressing really means to you so try and come to terms with it. If you realise you are transgender be truthful to yourself and others, hiding it long term can be so destructive for everyone. I am not ashamed of what I am , I’m so relieved I’ve been able to admit how I truly feel and come to terms with it, my life is so much better for it now.
What are the gains and losses? My marriage ended after 45 years, perhaps that might have been inevitable despite being trans, besides that I have lost very little, other members of my family haven’t turned their backs on me as most of my friends haven’t. Without the influence of a partner I now have more now friends than I had while I was married. I have to admit I’m much happier as Teresa, is that such a bad thing?
Post script: Son Pays a Visit
I have a rental property that brings me an extra income to supplement my pensions and hopefully keep my wardrobe topped up. In mid March I received an Email from my letting agent informing me my long term tenant had given notice to leave. After he vacated I met with the agent to discuss the work needed before it could be re-let, there was no major damage but it did need redecoration. My son rang me about another matter so I mentioned the situation with my property. As he’s never seen it before he asked if he could after I’d finished the work. After a couple of weeks I left a message telling him it was ready, a few days later he rang back to ask if I was available later that day so I could show him round. I’ve mentioned before that he’s seen me several times in my home but never been out with me. To some it may be a very small step but after we’d had a cup of tea it did feel like a special moment when I sat in his car while he drove across town. We just chatted away normally, he just didn’t have a problem. He thought the property was great and added that for an ” OLD ONE ” I’d done a good job with the redecoration.
I took the opportunity to ask how he felt about me making a formal name change, he didn’t have a problem but I did point out the implications. I would no longer be called Mr. but conceded that I would still be dad and grandpa to his boys.
As I mentioned to some this would be a very small step but to others a huge leap. It’s special to me knowing that I have a great relationship and understanding with my son and daughter.
This has been wonderful so far, sharing like this on a sensitive and important topic. Sadly, as of this post, that is the end of the series. I may write something, but it would be repetitive.
Anyone and everyone is welcomed to tell us their story even if it’s simply a line or two or an extended post.
2 Responses
Thank you for sharing your story. I am really appreciating all these. Although I have been cross dressing for many years I still have so much to learn about myself. These stories and experiences are definitely helping
To add a further footnote I recently had a further phone call from my son , many of us joke about the fact that we never hear from them unless they want something . In this case he asked to borrow some power tools , so the question then was how did I get them to him . To my surprise he told me there wasn’t a problem with dropping them off at his home , he added that he and his wife would be at work and the boys at school . While I didn’t have a problem with that he’d obviously considered his neighbours seeing me which certaily wasn’t a problem for me . Again another small but important step forward .