By Julie Day
Ten years ago, I would have never believed that there would be a beautiful woman entering my life and that women would be me. I think I have always had these feminine feelings, but I felt scared and embarrassed about these feelings. I never thought I would look good as a woman and my fear was looking like a man in a dress. I ignored these feelings and did not take them seriously. I am married and have two children. My job assumed so much of my time, and I had a wonderful time traveling, hiking, and backpacking through the National Parks. I did like wearing woman’s clothes when I was younger and tried on a dress of my wife’s that I really liked, but it was an exceedingly rare thing. I have always thought of myself as a very masculine guy and never considered that I had a strong feminine side.
In 2019 I noticed a little black dress, and, on a whim, I bought it, brought it home and tried it on. For the first time I really felt this feminine energy that was going to be such an important part of my life. I went online and noticed so many girls who felt like I felt. Like many girls, I began to feel the pink fog and purchased all the things I would need to transform myself. I experimented with makeup and a few hairstyles. I was not sure why I had these feelings and had some bought about my feelings. Why did I feel this way, even though I worried about how this would impact my life. I started to shave my body, moisturize it, and do everything I could to feminize myself. My wife noticed the changes in me, and eventually discovered all my female things. She gave me the ultimatum, either to give this all up or leave the marriage. I have always loved my wife, even when things were not going well. I purged all my things and tried to give it all up. My wife and children suggested we go to counseling and my wife expected the therapist to say I was suffering some kind of mental illness. The therapist said this is not a type of mental illness, but a type of gender expression that I strongly felt. To save my marriage I abandoned my feminine side for two years. It was during the pandemic so that made it easier.
The feeling never left me, and they even became much stronger. I wanted to see what I would look like after getting a professional makeover. I set up the appointment and the results brought tears to my eyes. Looking back at myself was a lovely woman who I instantly feel in love with. I developed a feminine look I really liked and felt comfortable with. I wanted to go out for a few hours as Julie, I was nervous at first, but no one noticed me. I felt more comfortable as a woman and even had the sales lady compliment me on my skin. My first time out gave me the confidence to go out again. I became part of the crossdressing community and made many friends online. I made friends in person with other girls and spent a few girls’ days out with them. I went on a few trips presenting as a woman for a few days, it was such a lovely experience. I drove 300 miles as Julie stopping to get gas and something to eat. I checked into the hotel as Julie, even showing my male identification. I was only called sir one time. I am now very sure of who I am and love going out as Julie.
My feminine side has become such an important part of who I am now. She is with me when I am David, and I have come to know her and love who she is. The desire to express myself as a woman is growing stronger, although I do not think I could give up my masculine side. My goal for Julie now is to present as the best woman I can be. Sometimes life takes a person on such an unexpected turn, one that was never contemplated in my younger life. One wish I have now is to find some compromise with my wife and have more opportunities to express my feminine side. I do not know where this journey will lead, but it is one that has and will shape my life.
Julie
17 Responses
Julie, welcome and a great post which will resonate with many who form the silent majority of our community.
There is something quite beautiful about discovering the inner woman and bringing her to life and seeing her is often a life changing experience. It’s a life of highs and lows with the latter often surrounding the challenges of integrating this side of us into our relationships. We can make promises to quit, and many of us do, but as you rightly say, it never goes away; the bond between our two sides is deep and we’re no more able to banish ‘her’ as we are any other longstanding friendship that enhances our life.
We have, of course, exchanged many messages prior to your post today but, once again, my fingers are crossed for you and your wife finding a compromise that works for both of you.
I hope I can reach a compromise with my wife. The stories I hear from other girls gives me hope. I also feel very positive and confident in expressing and understanding my feminine gender expression. It is always a part of me and compliments my male side making me the person I am now. The clothing, makeup, and wig are tools that aid in expressing this side of my gender identity.
I feel I have become a more complex and unique person. I am very happy with the woman I have become. It fills me with joy when I see her reflecting back from the mirror. Thank you for your friendship Amanda, your insight and advice will help me become my true self and hopefully a positive outcome with my wife.
Julie,
What a wonderful post. Thank you so much for telling your story.
There are many things you have experienced that are very similar to my own life. The emotional high of expressing the woman inside us is fantastic. You explain that very well.
Thank you for the photos, you look beautiful. I love everything about your appearance. Well done.
I sincerely hope you are able to work out an acceptable relationship with your wife. As you have said, and so many of us have experienced, a purge does not end your feminine side.
Enjoy many more outings. The world is a better place with Julie Day in it.
Your friend,
Jocelyn
I see a lot of my store in your story as well. That is why I really enjoy our new friendship.
Thank you for the compliment on the pictures, it is so emotional see the woman in that mirror. I love the style, although, I am looking at a longer hairstyle. I will not purge again, I may not get many chances to dress, but Julie will always be a big part of who I am.
I am looking forward to my next outing.
I think the world of you Jocelyn, you are a wonderful woman.
Julie,
Congratulations GIRL I can fully understand your journey and joy. Being a woman is a special “GiFT”.
Having true Girl and Gal friends is so rewarding. Being able to go to bed as Julie and wake up as Julie and perform the pre-bed and early morning skin care ritual are rewarding and reinforcing and enhancing our inner and outer femininity is so, so wonderful. Do you not agree. It is not putting on a stage mask or costume, it is a genuine you and wonderful to see and feel the naturalness of doing it. Best luck on the journey. Perhaps we shall meet along the road. It would be super to chat and explore our “Girl” feeling.
Marie Anne
It is a true joy exploring our feminine side. I would love to spend a whole week as Julie, that would be so much fun.
Yes, I agree that the feminine feeling come from within, but when you present your self on the outside it is just so rewarding. Thank you the journey is one of self understanding and it has been such a wonderful experience. The challenges and difficulties can be rough but overall the journey has been positive.
I would love to get to know you Marie, love to share my email with you.
Julie
Hi Julie,
It is so nice to connect with you again. I enjoyed reading your story and am happy that you have discovered the joy of being the real you. I sincerely hope that your home life reaches a point that is acceptable to you both.
All the best,
Fiona
Julie,
You express yourself in words and photos beautifully. Many of us here are older and took a lifetime to find ourselves. May you find the freedom to be yourself.
I love being a part of this community. I have meet so many wonderful women here. It is nice to meet you as well. Thank you Lisa it is so to meet you Lisa. Growing a friendship as a woman is such a different feeling then any friendship as a man. It has a richness and emotional bond that is so special.
I am so glad you enjoyed my story and thank you so much for your kind compliments on my pictures. Sometimes it hard to believe that is the woman I see reflected in the mirror. It was a struggle at first coming to terms with my feminine identity, but now I feel confident, comfortable, and so very happy with who I am.
Julie
Hi Fiona
Nice to be able to chat with you again as well. I hope I can open communication with my wife. I love her dearly, but my feminine side is an important part of who I am. I want this journey of self discovery to continue. Self discovery about yourself is the greatest journey of all. I am glad you enjoyed my story.
Thank you Fiona, wish you the best as well.
Julie
Julie,
Your wife’s reaction is fairly normal they hope we can be fixed , it’s so hard to accept it’s not an illness but with a gender issue the bottom line is we’re wired differently . NO ONE is to blame , we simply have to come to terms with what we are and accept it , denial of these facts can lead to serious problems ( as I discovered ) and also what you discovered after your purge . It’s hard to describe that inner glow almost like a dormant star that suddenly bursts into life , you feel like a whole person and not an empty shell .
I feel we are kindred spirits , transition feels so right , long term rejection is not going to stop you in fact it will feed the fire .
OK I admit I had to accept the end of my marriage but in my case it wasn’t an ultimatum but more acceptance that I couldn’t live without and my wife couldn’t live with it . So I hope you can work it out but the point I’m making is the World doesn’t end , it was two adults coming to a sensible conclusion for everyone’s sake , including children and grandchildren . Personally I have gained far more than I lost , I’m far happier as Teresa than I was as a man with far more friends .
At some point in your life you have to true to yourself , it’s not a selfish act in becoming a better person , finding you have far more to give to others
You have a great look which many women would be happy with , the odd “SIR” does hurt even foe me especially now as I’ve officially changed my name but at least I have a driving licence and passport to prove any doubters wrong .
If you wish to talk more please Email me .
Teresa,
I could not agree with you more, my wife did think it was somehow her fault. She did not see this coming and I didn’t as well. Once I realized this was something that was becoming a part of me, it was very confusing. I was filled with self doubt, and I felt much shame at how I handled the situation with my wife. I could not communicate my feeling to her. I think that caused some much anguish and stress to her. I am not giving up on her yet, I will take things slow and see if I can make little positive steps with her. I think I am bi-gendered and do enjoy my male side. My wife is a compassionate and loving person. My hope is that things will work out and we will find a compromise that we can both live with.
I don’t think my journey is at an end. A lot of self discovery will take place and my understanding of who I am as a person will evolve.
Thank you for your kind compliments on my pictures, I do feel confident and comfortable with my look a as a woman. I would love to chat with you Teresa, especially about your transition.
Julie
Hi girl friend, what a pleasant surprise seeing your post today. I am so happy that you decided to join our little group. You won’t meet a nicer bunch of ladies than the girls here. I was going to pm you today to see how things have been progressing between you and your wife and sorry to hear there’s not any moves yet on her part. Be patient Julie, she may surprise you yet. We’ll all be pulling for you both. Luv ya!
Trish ❤️
Thank you Trish, I just love being part of this lovely community. I will change how I communicate with my wife, I have become so comfortable with my dual gender identity. When I first came out to my wife, I did not really understand why I had these feeling. I just feels so right and natural and an important part of who I am. I had a piece of male with Julie’s name on it, that Julie was not me, but she asked “is that you”. I think she knows Julie is still a part of me. If she asks me about any part of my feminine side I will open that communication without feeling threatened.
Love ya to Trish
Julie,
No the journey never ends , we gradually evolve , discovering so much about oursleves . I am happy in my new life but still not content I keep pushing my boundaries , a woman’s life is so much fun with less restrictions .
Try and give your wife the space she needs , I know it’s so easy fall into the trap of thinking it’s all about you because it’s often the only thing on your mind . When I confessed I was using her clothes , she was OK about it at first and started to give me first choice with items destined for the charity shop . Then she began to say that I only married her for her clothes , I knew she was wrong but convincing her was so hard . The obvious solution was to start buying my own but then she was annoyed because I was searching through local charity shops , eventually when we talked about separation she allowed me to move my hidden items into our daughter’s bedroom after she married . I had very mixed emotions when the removal men finally loaded their van with my share of the furniture and all the carefully sealed boxes containing my clothing items , one life was ending and another beginning .
I know my evolution as Julie will continue, but my male side is important to me. Being a husband to my wife is also important to me. I understand myself now and I think that will help with my communication with my wife.
Hi Julie! Liz here as usual is late to the party still trying to catch up on everything new at Kandis land that I’ve missed the past few weeks. Really enjoyed the communication with you earlier. I’m thrilled to see you’re a contributor now and thanks to Amanda for introducing us. Happy to be your neighbor just a few hours away and enjoy your wisdom and whatever else you have to share here in the future. You look wonderful in the pictures. Wish you the best and hope everything works out for you and your wife.