By Nora Simone
The following article is posted here with permission of the author and Transliving International, the world’s leading magazine celebrating gender diversity.
Click the logo below to read a wonderful article, by my dear friend!
You continue to inspire me, Nora. However, I am greatly saddened that we will mostly liked never see each other again. The ethereal nature of who and what I am.
8 Responses
Nora,
I appreciate the article was written for a transgender audience , from my own experiences much of the article is true . The first point to realise is we never stop learning whether we started early or a late bloomer . Stepping into another person’s shoes is hard but stepping into another person’s gender sounds impossible at first . It’s also obvious from the article that not only are we treading unkown ground but that ground is often a minefield . Yes we are vulnerable , we’re never 100% sure who we can trust , sadly I’ve found the transgender community can be one of the cruelest and untrustworthy .
As you maybe aware I’ve now been fulltime as Teresa for seven years , over that time I’ve found the transgender label has gradually faded , I comfortably go about everyday life without problems or having to explain myself .
Perhaps a follow on article could ask the question , ” When do I stop using the transgender umbrella ?” My acceptance is very good , if I say 99% people might doubt me but one person in the last 7 years has given me a problem . If you continue to mention you’re transgender many people in society don’t want to know or care , often you take a step back because they are happy to accept you as female . That is often the problem with the trangender community , you aren’t permitted to move on from the transgender box , which means you will never totally escape from the male situation. That is important to me and anyone who has gender dysphoria , I’m Teresa now not the male equivalent , I can’t live in both camps . That is one point missed in the article many transgender people who are driven by GD can’t live in both Worlds , for me and others like me we step beyond the need for the support and protection of social groups . They serve the purpose very well , I wouldn’t be where I am now without them . I admire the people who dedicate their lives to run them , we must also be thankful that many of them have brought about change for the whole communtiy .
Kandi is wonderful in bringing this site , she leads from the front , sometimes I wish she had a greater reader base , she’s made what many consider abnormal become normal , more people need to discover that .
“she’s made what many consider abnormal become normal”, I could never receive higher praise! Thank you, Teresa!
Teresa,
Though it has been super disappointing to experience, it was validating to read our comment “…..sadly I’ve found the transgender community can be one of the cruelest and untrustworthy .” This is rarely discussed subject is one I find worthy of spotlighting. Maybe a future article. In retrospect, it should not be surprising to encounter evildoers. Regardless of whatever aspect of our lives is experienced (work, hobbies, religion, politics…you name it) I’ve always found mean spirited individuals lurking. Dysphoria, self-loathing, depression, anger and all of the “causes” never justify IMO attacks on others. Yet it happens.
Your statement ” the problem with the trangender community , you aren’t permitted to move on from the transgender box ,” is well worth pondering further.
Your thoughtful POV is appreciated.
Thanks!
Kandi,
You deserve that praise for the work you do . Normal is an underused word in our community but that feeling of normality is so important when we seek acceptance .
Hi Nora,
Well written. I love the format. Section title, section developed, section summarized. For me it made the read easier and helped me “take something home.”
The one point I gleaned from your article that was most important to me was, “hope.” I have been trans as far back as I can remember. That is 65 years. I am not close to 70. Thus I am not a late bloomer in realizing I am trans, however I am that late bloomer in getting “it” all figured out.
Only fairly recently have I come to finally accept that I want to be a woman because at my core I am a woman. Trans is but an adjective used to describe my unique womanhood.
But this understanding & acceptance has left me frustrated and bewildered. I have so much life and so many in that life that count on / yes even depend on my being male for them.
How do I do this? How can I be me for both them and me. At this late point in life I will probably just continue to be me for them. Why rock the boat? What’s the point? Oh, so many ways to avoid the issue(s).
But here is where the “late bloomer” comes in for me. I can’t continue life simply being me for them, I must be; yes I will be me for me also. I am a woman simply wanting to be.
But again, how do I do this? I am not completely sure, but your article has given me hope and some guidance that I can be out of the closet and be the woman, albeit trans, that I know I am.
Thank you.
Kindly,
Charlene
Charlene,
You are wise to seek information from those who have similar experience.
I believe Teresa has given you some very useful feedback. She’s obviously smart, articulate and experienced – a truly valuable resource.
My experience and approach is different, yet it is satisfying for me.
Thus, it is clear that your path is the one right for you. No one can, or should, tell you what to do. This is especially true for non-revocable life decisions.
The best decisions are, I believe, based on the best information. So the more you learn, especially from others who have “been there , done that.” is a good way to invest your time.
The pressure you feel, if any, is yours alone. Thus, only you control it. No one else.
Be well, happy and free,
Nora
Charlene,
I have to admit I reached the point in my life when I couldn’t continue life simply being me ( dad, husband ) for them !
Is it possible to do the switch ( transition ) to be the woman within ? The answer is YES , the problem is you can’t discover the answer until you make the decision to switch , you have to step into the unknown . So the next question is can you still be there for them ? Again I’ve discovered the answer is YES . OK certain aspects have to change but you haven’t lost your abilities , you have to accept you do them in different ways . The crux of the problem is will they accept the changes ? All I can say in a reply is I’ve gained more than I’ve lost but again you don’t realise that until afterwards . Do I wan’t to urn the clock back ? The simple answer is no because I stop being the person I truly am , I’d go back to a lie which is of little use to me or anyone else . Being happy shouldn’t be a selfish act , being happy means you will live life to the full and in doing so give more to other people , if they can’t accept that it’s their problem not yours .
Being married should be a parnership not a prison sentence , having children is a gift to both parents , so we have equal rights and children should be free to make their own decisions especially as adults .
Nora, thank you for sharing your conclusions as one of us who has experienced so many different environments and situations as a TG person. I share most if not all of your well presented conclusions, and feel blessed for being able to participate in some of your wonderful adventures. This is an iconic and well written summary that all of us should read and keep in mind.