It wasn’t so long ago—at least in the scheme of things—that my feminine side was locked away, out of reach and out of mind. Decades passed with barely a hint of awareness. For 45 years, I simply didn’t see her at all.
When I was about twelve, odd little sparks would flare—curiosities about slipping into something softer, exploring the mysterious allure of women’s clothes. It was the early days, and everything about it felt forbidden; the way I was raised, the culture I absorbed… All roads led to silence. There was no one to confide in, so I buried my budding questions and went on pretending they’d never been there.
The truth is, the urge to feminize is far more common than most are willing to believe. The numbers are anybody’s guess, but millions of men, just in America, walk this path—very quietly. Some explore only in their imagination, some tiptoe around the edges, while a few leap in and transform altogether.
Years ticked by, and with each one the chance of me ever opening up felt more remote—until Halloween 2019, when suddenly the part of me I’d hidden burst into full bloom. That’s when Gwen began her journey.
Why do so many keep their true selves under wraps? The reasons are countless: protecting families, preserving careers, dreading the stigma that being “different” still carries. For many, secrecy brings some comfort, and for a while, that’s enough.
But the day may come—whether by necessity, accident, support from a loved one, or that undeniable, growing need—when hiding is no longer an option, and the inner flower finally unfolds into the light.
Sometimes it takes an unexpected shift: a spouse who surprises you with acceptance, or a moment where the yearning can’t be denied another day.
So when is the right moment to step out, to share your truth? How long should anyone go through the motions in a life that shrinks their spirit, just for the sake of comfort or convention?
Paychecks and predictability keep many rooted where they are, while uncertainty makes change seem impossible. So we settle into routines, lulled by inertia and robbed of the spark that might open a new chapter.
But is that really living?
We wait for “the right time,” only to look back filled with wishes and what-ifs. I know this well—I’ll be 65 in a few months and I’m scrambling to make up for lost years.
Maybe what it takes is a small miracle, some push from the universe, a crossroads that finally demands a decision.
Perhaps you’re just meeting your femme self at fifty, or sixty. Maybe the world of feminization is brand new. Let me promise—it’s never, ever too late to feel the thrill of your real self.
Personally I love everything female. I also love my male side. It provides a certain uniqueness to my overall aura. Embracing the qualities of both gives me a sort of superpower most others can’t or choise not to embrace. It’s fine. Who am I to judge them. I’m here to tell you, you don’t need to go to the lengths I have to embrace whatever femine side you have.
Sometimes your truest self announces itself right when you need her most.
🌸The flower has waited inside you, patient and persistent, ready to blossom in its own perfect season.🌼
Maybe that season is now.
You’re not fixed in stone.
Why must we be the exact selves we always were? With every sunrise comes a chance to expand, to shift, to become. Just existing brings growth. Lean in, and you’ll stretch even further. Feminization isn’t foreign—it’s simply an expression of your hidden heart. Will you nurture it or press it down?
Change is always underway: you aren’t the person you were ten years ago, not even the one you were last month. Growth is what happens when you participate in your own story.
👉Step boldly into all that life offers.
The more space you offer your feminine side, the more vibrant she’ll become. Growth brings clarity; with awareness comes understanding. Looking honestly at your past—peeling back the layers—reveals what you need moving forward.
When you feel “the call,” pay attention. What draws your gaze? What makes you joyful in that dress or those heels, or putting on makeup? Notice the little ideas bubbling up—those matter.
You don’t owe anyone a grand transformation. Sometimes keeping your flower private feels right. That’s okay too.
Do what feeds your soul, sparks your curiosity, or simply brings a smile.
And when you’re alone and you catch a glimpse of that inner flower, savor the moment. Embrace her—she will make your world brighter and more wondrous.
I promise you that.
Stay strong. 💪
Dr. Gwen Patrone
2 Responses
Gwen, that was one of your nicest ever posts. The only thing I’d add is always be ready for the unexpected – many choose to keep this side of themselves completely hidden but, as you quite rightly say in your 6th paragraph, the day may come…. That was a lesson I learned the hard way!
Gwen,
Having been a member of another online forum for some years and also being a member of several transgender/CDer groups I realised that the coming out process hits many in their forties . In fact it’s a almost a twenty year cycle , as the second coming out happens in their sixties . As far as the forties are concerned I feel we come to a crossroads , a time to reflect on what has passed and what lays ahead . Many have been through the family routine , the kids are almost flown the nest which gives us time to reflect on our married life and our own unfulfilled dreams . To a CDer it’s gives us time to consider why you still feel that way , why hasn’t it gone away , if fact why have the feelings become stronger ? For some it can become a spiral of doubts, shame and guilt , we may desperately want to talk but dare we bring the subject with close loved ones ? For me it was like falling into a black hole , where do I find the answers , for goodness sake I’m a married man with children , I have a business to run and all I can think of is how the female inside feels , how much she wants her freedom .
Do online forums work ? Without doubt they do ! You finally discover you’re not alone and you also realise how scary it can become when you read other experiences , HORMONES and SURGERY , is all that part of me ? The answer I finally discovered was NO , you can live the life you wish without those choices , transition is not set in stone it’s flexible . Transition is all about living comfortably as you choose and be allowed to live a normal life , it works for some to share their life between male and female , it really is down to the level of GD how acceptable is your body to you . My anatomy is purely functional , it deals with the basic human needs so most of the time no one including myself is aware of what resides between my legs .
If you had to express what it feels like you could sum it up in two words , FREEDOM and HONESTY . Finding the freedom to be honest with yourself .