I am truly blessed. I say that frequently on my blog because I am, I believe it and I never want to take anything I have for granted. And while I am eternally grateful for Kandi, this lady is a huge time sponge. She gives as much as she takes. Allow me to explain.
There are many things I either need to do or love doing: work/providing; time spent with my wife, our children and my friends; necessary responsibilities like yard work, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, monitoring investments and expenses, etc.; running/training; competing in races; following sports; music, including simply listening, attending concerts and reading about music; reading, mostly nonfiction, including as I’ve stated music books, biographies, business books and other nonfiction books; and as you all well know . . . Kandi. I’ve recently added playing pickleball (I’m old, so it’s the law). All of the activities listed are non-Kandi activities.
Listen, without Kandi, there is no joy to my life, she allows me to love and be loved, she allows me to approach each and every day with a generally positive attitude, approach every interpersonal encounter with a smile. She simply makes me a better person.
But she just sucks up soooooooo much time. Consider this. Without actually doing a single thing, being Kandi requires an hour and a half of prep work, generally a 45 minute commute somewhere, and then if I literally turned back around and headed home, a 45 minute commute back home and about a half an hour clean up, including putting everything away. That’s three and a half hours invested without having done anything! I admit, the joy, the acceptance, and of course scratching the itch that makes me, me, is intoxicating. It is uplifting, I love it! But the old girl is a huge time sponge.
Concessions have to be made. So I almost don’t read at all anymore (I used to read at least three books a month and many magazines), I don’t race anymore as I would otherwise (I LOVE the sense of community and of course, the competitiveness of races), I don’t train like I would like to (and am capable of), I don’t train where I would like to, saving additional commute time, I don’t arrange outings with friends as often as I used to and/or come up with excuses not to do something when a friend suggests something (causing a few relationships to drift away), I skip a concert here and there that I might have enjoyed otherwise. I am not complaining. She makes me complete, has lifted that boulder off my shoulders, has made me an infinitely better person, but she just sucks up so much time. I am frequently both exhilarated and exhausted. Left wanting and fully satisfied. I am always working my schedule, using every minute of my day, rarely simply relaxing. I am like a lost sheep around past holidays with so much free and dead time.
Kandi . . . The Great Time Sponge! She keeps things interesting, is both my passion and the thing I would love most to get rid of, leaving me wanting both more and less all at the same time. Seven years in (now eleven) and I have yet to figure this all out. Nor will I ever as I now know.
2016, I cringe at how I looked. But I went out, I was visible and I learned and learned and learned, each and every time. My makeup skills were awful, but they did get better.




Yesterday, I visited a lifelong friend. I had a significant amount to do with his 41-year marriage as I facilitated the coupling with his wife. Two children and one grandchild don’t exist without me. He is more family to me than family (even though I love my family). Bile duct and pancreatic cancer. Fuck! So as Warren Zevon said…
Enjoy Every Sandwich!









2 Responses
Kandi,
Looking back I wonder if I could accuse the guy of soaking up too much time , did HE stop me becoming SHE ?? We can only speculate ! We can’t live our lives on a bunch of ” WHAT IFS ” Kandi brings something to your life that you can’t find elsewhere , there really is no denying how important she is in your life , you have friends here and elsewhere you wouldn’t have , only you can decide how important they are to you . I have to consider if things had been different would I have fully transitioned , for certain it would have had a trade off , perhaps no children or grandchildren . I can only say in hindsight that I got the balance right , when we consider all these questions we can say with certainty that our actions would never please everyone but that’s life irrespective of transgender issues .
Without Kandi you admit your life was becoming difficult , you possibly drank too much and ate too much of the wrong things , in some respects she was your lifeline .
No question, but here was are always trying to give that sister a different view of things as things are VERY different for each and every one of us.
Thanks Teresa!