By Lisa P.
It’s complicated. That one phrase neatly describes the relationship those of us who are married usually have with our spouse. If we have a difficult time figuring ourselves out (read almost all my prior posts, for examples of someone trying to do that!), we should expect it to be doubly difficult to understand from the outside. Learning is best done though doing, not watching; we are learning all the time, while our spouses are generally stuck where they started, or managing to take baby steps in our direction.
My wife has been taking baby steps, but boy is it hard for her to accept this girl! One of her joys in life has been to “dress her man”. When she is out shopping, she will head to the men’s department and pick up a shirt or slacks that she thinks would look good on me. She is so proud to present to me just the article of clothing that she thinks will look good on me. Inevitably, she is disappointed by my reaction. But, in my defense, who can get excited by men’s clothes? It is like the stage manager who comes up and tells you that you will now be wearing a different outfit for the next scene. OK, you change into it, but what is there to be excited about? She knows very well that I would jump for joy if she found a blouse or skirt that she thought I might like. I would smile broadly, even if the blouse or skirt wasn’t to die for. Has she ever done that? Nope – those types of purchases don’t fit within the baby steps category.
What has she bought me so far? A thin silver bangle bracelet, an inlaid multi-colored bracelet from Africa, a gold cross on a delicate chain, a tie-dye nightshirt and a feather-light robe to go over my nightshirt. Believe me, I am not complaining about these gifts. In fact, the cross necklace is my absolute favorite personal possession other than my wedding ring.
Of course, each gift was asked for and given rather sheepishly, as if there were something naughty about asking for or receiving such gifts by someone assigned male at birth. We also have had a few “misses” in the asking and receiving department.
For example, when I asked for a nightshirt I told her I wanted something that is lightweight, has a V neck, hits mid-thigh, and is in a soft fabric. Clearly, you can only buy such a nightshirt in the women’s department. But, she spent a month trying to find one in the men’s department, then bought a heavy, V-necked, long cotton male nightshirt on the internet and said, “this is the best I could do.” The poor nightshirt is still sitting forlornly in the drawer, awaiting donation. But, then a few months after that debacle a miracle happened. She presented me one evening with the tie-dyed nightshirt from the women’s department that fits the description to the “T” and that I now wear happily.
A similar misstep has been in the summer pajamas department. I asked her if she could find some shorts and a top in soft material that she wouldn’t mind me wearing. Now, this is a woman who buys half her clothes at TJ Maxx and Kohls and and their equivalents (I married a very sensible lady) to save money, and I had been to just such a store and seen many perfectly good examples. But, once again she searched high and low to find a pair of women’s pajama shorts that were not the shorty-shorts that she likes, but instead go down as far as a pair of culottes (i.e. almost to the knees). It was as if she thought they would be less feminine if they were that long. She also managed to find a pair that was solid gray, so the only distinguishing feminine characteristic was the feel of the fabric (admittedly very soft) and the nice bow you can tie at the front. I did keep them, but I also let her know that they were not what I was talking about. But, I want you to know that I am not making fun of her or looking a gift horse in the mouth. Personally, I am just pleased that she has moved from 100% “see no ‘evil’” to “it’s Ok, as long as it isn’t too obvious and isn’t around anyone else”…one must give credit where credit is due.
See what I mean? It’s complicated!
You can now pull up all of the posts written by any of your favorite girls here as Lisa suggests above! This can be done in two ways. One, click on the author’s name in the post header as you see below.
Or you can go to the Contributor’s page, scroll to your favorite and click on the link provided.
We continue to try and improve things here, bring you more fun, more to think about, more to make you feel like part of our community! Love you all.