There is a difference, a rather significant difference. Prior to my self-acceptance, I put on various articles of woman’s clothing. Some ill fitting lingerie and a too big dress. A two piece (purchased as a pair) skirt and top combo. Bra, panties and pantyhose underneath 15 layers of male clothing so no one would know. I was simply putting things on. That was both because I was principally disgusted with myself as well as the way I acquired clothing back then. That compulsion lead to putting things on, self acceptance lead to wearing things. I draw a similar distinction to wearing women’s clothing vs. dressing like a woman.
I had no idea what size anything I was. Since I am male, I assumed I should be an XL in woman’s clothing (even before my weight loss, that wasn’t the case). I also bought clothing in the quickest possible fashion, grabbing whatever, paying quickly and getting out of Dodge as soon as I could. I simply put things on me.
Now, I wear women’s clothing because in many ways, I am a woman. Things fit properly. They are part of a well thought through outfit. I am proudly female!
Now being who and what I am now for quite some time, I still have times when I “put things on” and when I do, they are never comfortable or simply don’t feel right. Frankly, I feel stupid afterward. I’ll use the bra as an example. When I wear a bra and by that I mean it is performing it’s intended function of supporting breasts (be they my own or my enhanced breasts), it is comfortable and I do not even think about the fact that I am wearing it. But when I try to put one on as myself, my physique is such that the bra is not doing anything supportive, it’s just there. As such, I am fully aware of it the entire time I am wearing it. I have had this experience with other articles of clothing when they are not being “worn” for their intended purpose, they are just “put on” to scratch an itch.
I guess this is an analogy for my life, I “put on” a front for most of my life and now I “wear” who and what I am proudly! I’m certainly not perfect and not open to all of the world, but I am open to much of the world and am very proud of myself for doing so.
Wear it ladies!
10 Responses
Kandi,
I fully umderstand your comments and I’m sure many of us have been there . It’s why I can never shop in male mode anymore ( admittedly it has been a while ) but when I did it was a buzz at first , I admit looking back I was surprised how many SAs were perfectly OK with it . Eventually the two didn’t go together , I was a man putting on a dress , it might have fitted OK but the look wasn’t right , I have to see a woman in the mirror especially if I’m in a women’s changing room . I still love those moments when I discuss my choices with other female shoppers and pass comment if asked on their items .
Yes, Kandi ,, I believe making the transition from putting on clothes (a costume) and admiring oneself (the thrill) of the reflection in the mirrrorwhen early on wearing that new acquisition to now simply getting dressed – comfortably for bed in sleep wear, or donning a simple sun dress or jeans for a trip to the Supermarket and/or the Nail Salon for a mani-and petti and being relaxed and chatting with your favoeite Tech and other clients and then stopping for a refreshing fruity cocktail with one leg gracefully draped over the other in a perfectly ladylike manner while glancing through your favorite Fashion Magazine. You now kown/sense you have made that transition.. You are comfortable in your true self.
Marie Anne
Kandi,
I understand the difference between the two. I think we all go through that ‘put it on’ state. Thinking everybody can tell we have panties (for example) on; because of this, we think about that item all the time. The good news: this will pass with time
I was able to find my women’s sizes easier since I was about the same size as both of my ex-wives. But it took a while understand that women’s sizes are very inconsistent, not only do they vary by brand, they also vary within brands as well. And I found my woman’s shoe size when the sporting goods store was out of men’s water shoes in my size.
I dress in ‘faux male mode’, new term just coined, that is, I might look like I am dressed almost as a male (I wear heels) but very little, if any, are men’s clothes.
I put on my clothes in the morning and don’t think about them, except negotiating stairs in 4 inch heels. For example, I don’t think about the bodysuit unless I need to use the restroom.
Bras are the same, I have been wearing padded underwired bras and corsets for over 30 years to hold a floating rib in place when it is dislodged. After a few minutes of putting one on, I never think about the bra until I take it off. It becomes just part of me.
Keep wearing it.
Cali
Cali,
Women’s sizes are so varied compared with the male fit , buying online is the norm now but how many items are returned ? I was in a Cotton Traders store recently and the lady before me in the checkout was returning a bundle of items , the whole situation is so wateful of packaging and also SA time when they could be making sales . This is why I hardly buy online there’s no subsitute for trying on besides I’ve always loved the interaction with the SAs .
As for bra wearing I can now understand why most women cling onto older bras , it’s one item that has to be comfortable to wear .
Teresa,
I too prefer to shop in-person. However, if I know a brand, such as Express, I have no problem ordering on-line. However, there are other items that I have no choice but order on-line. Shoes, for example. I wear mostly W size 10, but in some brands I need to purchase a size 11 (Jessica SImpson) which are only available on-line. Only 25% of those fit my feet. This week, I returned a pair of open-toe JS sandels because they didn’t fit. I may have over 70 pairs in rotation, but I always looking for new heels.
Kandi,
I too notice the difference between wearing and just putting on. Unfortunately I probably fit into both categories from time to time.
I just need more experience. I need a mentor with fashion sense.
Jocelyn
Joicelyn,
Sometimes it is a ” Chicken and egg situation ” ! Looking back remember the feeling of wanting to shop more , there was a real need to expand my wordrobe , I never chickened and at the end of the day never regreted it but those few steps from the car across a crowded car park can be daunting . Is everyone looking , do they know what lies beneath , is it that obvious ? At the same time I miss that period , I had so much fun with SAs , did they really care what gender I was ? i came to the conclusion that most SAs are usually bored with the average shopper , we give them something of interest , we intrigue them . I could recall so many stories but one was when I bought a pair of heels in a Next store I overheard an SA say to the other , ” I’d love to see my dad walk in heels like that !”
Do people really recognise you ? In truth they don’t , I had a scary moment in a large department store when I saw a very close neighbour from my village walking straight towards me , we passed within inches , I smiled briefly , I then cautiously glanced back to see her oblivious to my passing .
Very well said, Kandi and so true. I’m grateful to learn from those who have done this before me. I’m coming to that point too where it doesn’t satisfy or feel feminine to just put on the clothes. I have to take on the persona of a woman in every way I possibly can when dressing up as one, otherwise I feel nothing just putting on the clothes while maintaining a male persona. But to look in the mirror and see a woman or something resembling one is still a thrilling experience. And especially to go out as one is very fulfilling.
It is so nice to here the perspectives from so many wonderful girls. It does help to better understand myself and what my dual gender identity means to me. Kandi, thank you so much for sharing who you are and how you see yourself.
Thank you all for sharing what it means to enjoy the crossdressing life style, it is filled with such joy and challenges.
😊