Less Is More

These three words have become a bit of a cliché these days but I’m increasingly finding them to be true in many different ways as far as my feminine presentation is concerned.

Let’s face it, CDing is not easy.  Of course, once we’ve plucked up the courage to procure the necessary items (although with Amazon lockers being pretty well everywhere these days, there’s no longer a need to visit shops for ‘a gift for my wife, she’s about the same size as me’ and everything from clothing and shoes to wigs & makeup can be delivered discretely and collected when convenient), putting them on only takes a few minutes – overlooking doing up a bra, battling with reversed buttons and struggles with rear zippers, that is.  But that’s the easy bit, we then have the finishing touches which take ten times as long to get right.

As regular readers here will know, I’m quite happy going ‘full tart’ when I cross the gender divide.  I love my stiletto heels & shortish hemlines and the more makeup the better.  My excuse is that I need excessive amounts of slap to cover up the ravages of over six decades of testosterone but the reality is that I have a sneaking admiration for those lucky women whose career choices involve makeup counters where immaculate personal presentation is an occupational necessity.  So I’ve unashamedly trowelled on the makeup to the extent where so much eyeliner and dark eyeshadow has been applied that I’m surprised that I’ve not been referred to as Amanda the Panda.

The thing is, when I looked at my handiwork in the mirror, I was satisfied.  To my eyes, I looked good (but my uncorrected eyesight is so bad that anything looks good and Amanda is not a natural glasses wearer).  And I had achieved my aim of hiding ‘him’ beneath several layers so no complaints there.  But then I noticed something.

As I reported in my ‘Living The Dream’ series, in late 2025 I had a weekend away living completely in Amanda’s identity, even to the extent of booking the hotel in her name.  On the first day, I started with a casual outfit for checking in and then changed into a more formal outfit for dinner and I tried to do my makeup to match – a light touch for the daytime and then a heavier dark eyed look for the evening.  Both looks were photographed and when I look back at the photos now, the daytime makeup looks far better on me than the evening look.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love my dark eyeliner and red lipstick but the photos provided irrefutable evidence that I don’t need to go overboard to achieve my goal of looking vaguely feminine.  And furthermore, the less makeup that’s applied, the lower the risk of making a hash of it, something that’s a real possibility in my case given that so much of makeup application requires removal of glasses.

When you think about it, it’s logical that this should be the case.  We obsess about ‘passing’ but when they look at us, people don’t just scrutinise our faces.  Our face is just a part of our whole presentation and providing we give some visual clues of facial femininity – even just foundation, a dab of neutral eyeshadow, a bit of eyeliner and lipstick is usually sufficient – that’s generally sufficient for others not to dwell on us.  And we’re our own harshest critics – we may see ‘him’ appearing through the makeup but that’s because we recognise him; without that frame of reference, others only have what they see to go on and ‘nothing to see here’ will generally have a better outcome than ‘look at me’.

So I’m well and truly sold on the idea of ‘less is more’ as far as makeup is concerned but what about clothing?  Now I’m not for one moment suggesting that we all strip off and walk around in our underwear but how about turning down the ‘femme’ a bit?

I’ve already admitted to being an inveterate tart as far as my feminine side is concerned and I’m unashamed in that assessment.  I’ve always dressed in a way that I find attractive and, as a heterosexual guy, there’s something of an inevitability about wanting to do that but it also stems from those women I see who inspire me to get my girl on.  As a closeted CDer, that was all fine and dandy.  I could enjoy the clothes and who cares if I was dressed for an imaginary job interview in an upmarket office or for a fantasy dinner date?  I could dream to my heart’s content with only a tinge of sadness that I was all dressed up with nowhere to go.  But things got a whole lot more complicated when I started going out and about.

There’s nothing that kills the euphoria quicker than a sudden and debilitating feeling that all eyes are on you.  I know because I’ve been in that situation several times.  I didn’t really have a choice because my stash was pretty well all formal in nature with hardly anything casual to choose from.  But, hey, a quick backstory that I could be an office worker taking a quick break to grab some essentials in her lunch break or, when I was out on a Sunday, a woman on her way to church, again grabbing some essentials but I began to realise that my backstories were shaky when I didn’t see a single other woman dressed similarly.

Toning down the femme is a bitter pill to swallow for us.  Our girl time is severely limited and the last thing we want to do is to dress in similar clothes to those we wear in our everyday life just to blend in.  But I soon came to understand that being slightly more casually dressed was a small price to pay for not feeling that everyone was staring at me (they probably weren’t but I’m paranoid!).

And since that realisation, I’ve been out in trousers and a denim jacket wearing flats for comfort.  And I didn’t feel any less feminine when I did so.  In fact, it enhanced the experience because I was not only having worry free outings but I had the fun of thinking about what to wear before I went.  That’s not to say that I only wear trousers and flats for going out nowadays – nothing could be further from the truth – but by toning down the femme and being prepared to try simpler styles, I’m enjoying the experiences far more than I used to by feeling more connected with my surroundings.

Perhaps one surprising aspect of where ‘less is more’ has really proved to be true is in my whole attitude to my feminine side.  Until mid-2024, I more or less had the freedom to dress five days a week if I wanted to.  I had an empty house on weekdays and so once I was certain that the coast was clear, Amanda could come out to play.  However, from mid-2024, my daughter returned to live at home and whilst she has a job, it allows several WFH days per week so opportunities, particularly those that arose when I was of a mind to indulge, were few and far between.  And to add to the difficulties, I was starting to realise that CDing for the sole purpose of CDing was becoming uninspiring.  I could spend an hour getting dressed and made up but then what?

With the main opportunities for worry-free CDing confined to occasions when I could engineer a night away from home, I started to appreciate the attractions of the outside world.  And I quickly realised that what I was losing in quantity of opportunity was more than made up for in terms of the quality of what I was doing.  Or to put it another way,I had the mindset that if this is the last opportunity I’d have to unleash the inner woman for several months, I was sure as hell going to make it as memorable as possible.

There are other areas where less is definitely more too.   Feminine mannerisms are a case in point.  Contrary to what some would have us believe, women do not spend their life shrieking at the merest hint of delight or pain, holding their hands in positions that suggest they have no wrist muscles or generally exaggerating every movement they make.  There is of course some societal conditioning in the way that women’s mannerisms evolve but, in general, most of the perceived differences between the sexes are just that – perceptions.  We don’t have to, for want of a better expression, ‘camp it up’ to appear feminine; our clothes and the constraints they place on us will almost always do most of the job for us.  Naturally, we need to be alive to how women move and carry themselves but subtlety is the order of the day here.

Ultimately, it’s up to individuals how they approach their inner women and far be it from me to criticise anyone just because they have a different approach to mine.  For me, moderating various elements of the experience has enhanced my enjoyment when I am free to be me but others may want to live their life differently and that’s fine.  The point of this post wasn’t to be prescriptive but rather to share my own experience and perhaps give reassurance to others who worry that toning things down will result in them outing themselves to others.  In my experience, it’s been quite the opposite and realising that I’m blending in rather than standing out has boosted my confidence no end.  Not only that but I now have a far better understanding of some aspects of womanhood and that has translated into far more rewarding experiences when out and about.

But perhaps the most significant benefit is in being taken seriously by others.   I will never be mistaken for a natural born woman by anyone who I interact with at close quarters but these days I seem to be able to blur the lines between what I am – a CDer – and a transwoman.  Those I deal with have no way of knowing where I fall on the trans spectrum but the respect and acceptance I’ve received suggests that they’re happy that I’ve done enough to assume the identity I present as and that’s all I could ever wish for.