So many have asked me to break down my transition process and I finally had a moment to reflect on it.
Let me share a bit about my journey as a guy transitioning to female later in life (I’m in my 60s, so yeah, not exactly spring chicken territory). If you’re thinking about this or already in the thick of it, know that you’re not alone—it’s a wild ride, but hearing real talk can help.
Here’s the honest scoop on why it’s no walk in the park: it’s lengthy, painful, expensive, and mentally draining.
I’ll break it down casually, with how it’s felt for me. Everyone is different so experiences vary and I’m in no way saying this is how it be for you. It may be rainbows and unicorns or worse, so keep that in mind. This is just my story.
First off, the lengthy part:
Oh man, this isn’t a quick fix. We’re talking years, not months. I did baby steps. I wanted to make sure it was right for me.
Hormones alone take 1-2 years to really show changes, and surgeries? Add more time for consultations, waiting lists, recovery…
I’ve been at this for over 6 years now, and I’m still not “done.” It feels like watching paint dry sometimes—exciting glimpses of progress, but mostly just grinding through the wait. Patience becomes your best friend, or you go nuts.
Then there’s the painful side:
Not gonna sugarcoat it, the physical stuff hurts. Electrolysis on my grey hair face and laser hair removal on the rest of me! Feels like a thousand bee stings on your face and body, session after session.
Voice training?
My throat aches from practicing pitches that don’t come naturally. And post-surgery recovery—if you go that route—(I didn’t) I’ve been told is like healing from major trauma; sore, swollen, and bedridden for weeks.
For me, it’s been this constant low-level ache mixed with sharp pains that remind you your body’s rewriting its own rules. But hey, no pain, no gain, right? It builds resilience.
Expensive?
Whew, buckle up. Insurance covers some. I didn’t get any help. All out of pocket. Keep that in mind especially if you’re older and dealing with pre-existing stuff. It’ll be 100 grand give or take at some point.
Hormones run $50-100/month, therapy sessions add up quick (some see a specialist twice a month at $150/pop), while I’ve never felt the need for one.
Then surgeries? Easily $20k+ out of pocket for just one procedure. I’ve dipped into savings, skipped vacations, and hustled side gigs to make it work.
Do you want breasts? Surgically or wait on hormones to maybe kick in eventually. Being at my age, I didn’t wanna wait for hormones to kick in because I didn’t have that much quality time left, plus also one of my things is, I really love very big breasts and I knew hormones weren’t gonna get me there anyway, so I paid for breast augmentation and had to do it in two phases.
That’s one of my things that was very important to me, so I paid for the best doctor and it cost me a mint. But I got the result that I wanted.
It feels frustrating, like the universe is testing how bad you want this. But investing in yourself? Priceless in the end.
And mentally draining:
This one’s the sneaky killer. The doubt, the stares from strangers, family dynamics shifting—it’s exhausting. I have days where euphoria hits hard, like finally seeing “her” in the mirror, but then anxiety crashes in about passing or regrets.
Therapy can help if needed or simply chatting with friends, but the emotional rollercoaster leaves you wiped out, second-guessing everything.
It feels vulnerable, like peeling back layers you’ve hidden forever, but also liberating once you push through.
Once you cross the line where you can’t go back to being male because your appearance isn’t just gonna cut it, you get to a point where you’ve crossed the threshold or the red line as I called it, and that you actually made the jump, it actually feels liberating.
It’s very scary at first to do that, but you feel like you finally broke through the terror barrier and you can be yourself. No more back and forth.
If any of this resonates, reach out—support groups and online communities have been lifesavers for many.
Transitioning later in life is tough, but it’s also the most authentic thing I’ve done. I got to a happy place in my life where I can take a deep breath and say, finally!
You’ve got this!
Be the Unicorn.
Dr. Gwen Patrone
My book Trans Truth is on Amazon and Audible.
You can order with this link: https://amzn.to/4nSeVdR
💕 #TransJourney #MTF #LaterInLifeTransition
2 Responses
Gwen,
WOW.
This was very illuminating.
I do not plan on transitioning but I found this helpful.
Thanks.
Jocelyn
Gwen,
It’s always wonderful to read others people’s stories . You make a very important point it worked for you it’s what you needed to be Gwen .
Over the years I’ve been to many social groups , I was careful not to call them therapy groups but saying that many talked about their own experiences . What worked for them and what didn’t and of course the mistakes they made . They always consisted of a crossection from the occasional dresser to those on hormones and finally full surgery . Hormones affect individuals in different ways , some gained wonderful breast while they had very little effect on others . Some had little or no visibel hair whereas others ha dto undergo painful removal treatments . Some remained very much heterosexual while others found they wanted to experiment with men . The ones who had full surgery were the most interesting because I soon realised they hadn’t reached the utopia they wished for , some issues were resolved while new ones became a problem .
The one big differnce in the UK is much of the treatment can be sought through the NHS , OK the waiting lists can be long and at times frustrating but at least most of it is free if you are prepared to wait . To be fair to the system the ones that really need to transition should have priorty but all too often I’ve seen people take the free hormones simply because they are free , they can experience their effects without digging into their pockets .
So the question is am I a fraud ? I’m so aware of how much our NHS is stretched , if I can transition to where I want to be without their help I was determined to do it . I also accept I did have sessions of counselling , it was a point in my life where I needed those questions answered , social groups , friends or family could not help because they weren’t impartial or have that expertise .
My version of transtion is living normally in my commnuity , to integerate and be part of other people’s lives . So no I’m not on hormones , I choose to shave totally everyday to deal with body and facial hair and I now wouldn’t risk surgery , if things go wrong who do I turn to ?
Transition to me is about happiness and contentment , it WORKS for me and that is the important point , should it have to be painful to achieve this goal , do I have to suffer everyday to prove the point to myself ? Other people aren’t really bothered how we achieve our goals , they will either accept you or not , hormones and surgery make no difference , as many of my transgender friends have shown me .
My transition was was very much about identlty , to be seen and accepted as Teresa , to achieve that I knew I would have to change my name , not so much physical changes more mental ones . Officially being accepted as Teresa was hard work , taking on government departments to achieve that recognition , they had a whole toolbox of spanners to keep throwing in the works ! To finally not see a written or online document with MR on is a wonderful feeling , to have friends who only know me as Terri or Teresa , no slipups !