Please forgive the third person here. I am not a fan of using the third person, but I do so here to differentiate between Kandi and me, the male me, the every day me.
Why do I find being Kandi so joyful? So happy?
One can say that when I am her, I am in the gender I was meant to be.
And maybe there is some truth to that.
But is goes beyond that.
People are drawn to Kandi. Don’t know why, but it is true.
Her smile fills a room. Why is that?
Well, Kandi doesn’t have to go to work.
She doesn’t have to deal with a boss, customers, the general public.
Kandi has no bills. She goes shopping and I have to cover the damage.
She has no lawn to cut. She has no house to maintain. She has no children to worry about. She has no significant other/spouse/etc.
She is generally without any daily relationship, so she is free to be selfish if she wishes.
Kandi has no responsibilities, none. So, of course, she is happy.
She has found a way to rise above the drudgery of life.
She doesn’t pay taxes. She doesn’t deal with automotive maintenance.
She doesn’t have to deal with a truck. She doesn’t need to update the house.
Kandi has no alarm clocks. She gets to dress really pretty.
She gets compliments. She is shown love. She has no worries. No wonder, I love her!
She has the world by the …well you know.
She doesn’t care about the future, her life is rainbows and lollipops.
She is the person every one wants to be, untethered from the world as we know it.
She is an actress. She is a model. She gets so much love here at Kandi’s Land. She should never complain.
I will admit, she has crept into me. In a recent complete non-Kandi circumstance (Rock Hall Inductions), that draw to me was there. Not as frequent, not as obvious, but it was there. I encountered every (forgive the word, but it makes the point) class of people. My peers as talent escorts, uber-famous people, iconic people, roadies, managers, aspirational people trying to make an impression, limo drivers, cameramen, caterers, rich fans (in the floor seats), regular folks (in the stands), bartenders, etc., on and on. Throughout I was lit up by a smile that never, ever, ever existed a decade ago and now lights the way.
Kandi is joy….of course she is! She is living in an alternate universe.
Me, the world weighs me down. Kandi is my escape from everything that bothers me.
Finally, Kandi is a gift I was given.
Thank you whoever made this possible.
You have given me an island, a shelter in a storm. Thank you, I need that!
13 Responses
I’m happy to be invited to join as a full time transgender , so to relate your comments to my situation , I fully understand the feelings of joy , to be openly accepted and someone who people like to be with .
So now consider your listing of things Kandi isn’t responsible for well obviously for me I’ve had to take all that baggage on board but deal with it as a woman . I find it not so bad when most of my dealings are addressed to Ms Terri H. .
So what are the difficult moments ? Well I have one coming up on Monday , after my ex-wife rang to ask if i could help as she would be caring for all three grandchildren . How my heart sank , I’m so torn , I need to see my grandsons but the logistics of leaving my home and driving the twenty miles is something I can only dread . I will say again MALE MODE really is painful now , so very few people in my new home town know me as such , I don’t want to break that wonderful ( joyous , your words ) connection , it’s what I am now .
I’m considering posing a deal to my ex , if she insists on blackmailing with the grandchildren then she should meet me half way and drop in for coffee every few weeks , that way she will gradually be accepting as far as my grandsons are concerned . We all know one day they will meet me so it’s possibly easier to lay the foundations now .
I know you don’t have this problem but may i pose the question if you did how would deal with it ?
I wish I knew the answer Teresa, I don’t. Circumstances are layered, I know nothing about your ex, I know nothing about the nature of your relationship, it would be inconsiderate for me to think I could give you the right answer. You know in your heart what you need to do. Sometimes we have to just let the right answer come to us, sometimes we have to dig it out. We care here, that’s for sure!
Kandi,
How true that is , ” We care here “. We go through so much pain because we do care , that’s why being termed selfish cuts so deep when all we’re trying to do is be truthful with ourselves and others .
Teresa I totally get your dilemma, with my grandsons they only know me as Pop and that is never going to change.
It’s just too difficult to go through the process of explaining to them why I am who I am.
Part of it is there mom and dad and so I respect them and there wishes
I hope you can find common ground
Rachael,
My situation is inconsistent , my son has met me several times but still there is the excuse the boys are too young to understand , I wish I knew where the block is coming from . On the other hand my daughter has never had a problem with access to my granddaughter , in fact we went out last Saturday to see an outdoor live show of the Jungle Book . Every year they give me a photo story book of my grandaughter’s compiled from photo snaps taken during that year , some of those pictures including me are truly ones to cherish .
Rachael,
I should add that at some point the situation has to be explained to the boys . Schools in the UK have taken trans issues fully on board , they are going expererience a child dressing in their alternative gender or possibly a teacher or a parent , it can’t be hidden for ever from them . Obviously I have given it a great deal of thought if I had to explain it to them .
THAT is great and such a truth!!!!
☺
Interesting take on being Kandi but for me I’m Rachael
I do pays bills I do go to work, maybe I don’t always fully present as Rachael but inside I’m Rachael and that is who I am
I loved this post Kandi and I think it is one that resonates with all of us.
Like you Trish is a carefree sole with few worries. Unless figuring out what to wear for any given occasion is a worry, My male self would be a lost basket case without Trish. When Trish shows up all my worries and stress dissipate quickly and male me is relaxed and happy. In one way Trish is my soother.
Through out my life any time I was totally stressed out I looked to Trish to help me deal with it. I’ve always said being a cross dresser is a gift that few people are given. I’m so glad that I was chosen to receive it. Wishing you all a wonderful weekend.
Trish❤️
“Soother”, love that term!
Kandi,
I am almost always Cali while looking ‘male-ish’. I say ‘male-ish’ because I have longer acrylic gel colored nails and I wear heels.
I just spend time at a large multi-day professional conference, looking male-ish but in completely women’s clothes. I had many people complement me on my nails, the colors of my outfits, and my different high heels, especillay the 2 knee highs. I even had several people thank me for being so gender non-conforming. BTW my pleather pants and knee highs at the after-party were a hit.
You will find that when at home, Cali is working to pay the morgage, the taxes, etc. but with or without multiple pinky rings or bracelets or bra or makeup or …
So, him is her and her is him. I think I’m lucky.
Cali
You are not lucky, you have figured out what makes you happy. That is not luck, nor is it easy. Thank you for being a shining example.