Can I get an AMEN sisters!😇

But on a more serious note.  Over 40 years ago, I started getting the URGE.  I’m sure you know the URGE.  It’s to dress femme and feel what it’s like to be pretty, attractive and alluring even though it was alone in my room.

At 16 years old, seeing an attractive girl and being both turned on sexually and at the same time being confused because I also wanted to “be” her was perplexing to say the least.

At that time, being in a religious family, it was obviously the wrong feeling to have.  Whatever “obviously” means.

Those pantyhose look and feel so silky.💅  I REALLY want to put them on.  One feeling said, “DO IT”, while the other said, “What the hell are you thinking?”.

I put them on and wore jeans over them.  OMG they feel incredible. The problem was that I didn’t see the hole in the knee.  Why may you ask would that be a problem?


I was sitting on the couch with my twin sister and she noticed it.  I saw her looking at it.  She didn’t say anything.  She didn’t need to speak, he eyes said it all.  WTF? Shock? OMG? 

I casually got up as if I hadn’t noticed and I was so embarrassed that I never did it again.  I had a major guilt trip.  I even went so far as to join the USMC.  Talk about over compensation.  Religious upbringings are very powerful and difficult to overcome.

After 40 years, the feelings crept back like a flower finding a crack in the pavement and pushing its way out.  The flower’s job it to grow and be beautiful.  Relentless.


That’s all the flower needed.  A crack to wiggle through to be known. To be seen.  To express itself.  Energy always seeks to express itself.  Time isn’t important.  For me it was four decades.

Feelings and curiosities started to return.  I wonder what it would feel like to __________ ?

Another few years passed and with each experience, the flower would bloom some more.  The female energy was getting stronger.

Inside of us is a constant battle for territory.  We are all made up of energy (spirit).  The yin/yang or male/female spirits want to stake their claim.  Which one will win you may be asking?


We all have both yin and yang.  Each person has a different proportion of male and female energy.  The one you feed more will dominate.

A year ago, I started to write my next book and I was researching this energy dance we all have going on inside of us.

I wondered what it would be like (there’s that phrase again), to “tap into” the female energy to become a better speaker, father, writer, entrepreneur, whatever.  Instead of ignoring the energy, why not use it to get better.  What a concept.

Little did I realize, going down the rabbit hole was exactly what my flower wanted!  Gwen knew that once I smelled her nector, there was no going back.

Gwen was BORN AGAIN!

You see, desire or de-sire from the Latin root means to give birth.  My de-sire had always been there in a self-imposed slumber under the the pavement.  It was just waiting for the right moment to feed my flower. 

De-sire is like Miracle Grow plant food.  The more we use, the faster our thoughts become reality.

Deep thoughts for a beautiful weekend.  I hope my story helps some of you to bloom too.

Be Strong. 💪

Gwen Patrone


Well, I said I would qualify for the Boston Marathon and yesterday I did so. It was brutal, but driven by the thought of my Dad dying in the hospital, I did it for him (and myself, of course). Now I can’t wait until I can walk again……

4 thoughts on “I FEEL BORN AGAIN!”

  1. Gwen, the flower is a perfect metaphor for our internal feelings of femininity. Pushed down for so long, but just waiting for that moment in the sunlight to grow and blossom. Sometimes, though, I feel like an annual that has to be replanted every year, given my limited time for myself.

    And to Kandi, WOO-HOO! Congratulations on your qualification for the marathon! Rest and recover, my dear friend.

  2. I think there is no question that girls like us suffer much for these feelings. I too am a faith based Christian and there is such a struggle with this aspect of myself
    I know God looks at my heart and does not care about how I look and present myself.
    But how do I treat others, do I treat them with love and caring, I try but not perfect
    My female side or Spirt if you will is still a struggle for me many days and I do believe it will always be so but I move on and still enjoy expressing myself as the person I am and the way God made me

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