By Nora Simone
The following article is posted here with permission of the author and Transliving International, the world’s leading magazine celebrating gender diversity.
Click the photo below to read a wonderful article, by a dear friend, about a dear friend!
5 Responses
Nora,
I do assume my reply is adressed to Nora and not Gwen ?
The paragraph talking about fighting the battles with your old self raises some issues for me and possibly others .
Thinking back to the age of 8, 9 , 10 years of age is when my true battle started , I needed or wanted to dress in girl’s clothes but not knowing why but it was also clouded with very early puberty , my T started to kick in big time at the age of 8 . At the same time I started having consistent dreams over a long period which changed when i experienced my first orgasm , I will add that experience traumatised me for some time because it was involuntary rather than induced . Much later my gender counsellor explained the dreams as my female side being the dominant one and it was trying to take over .
Again when we consider the idea of a battle with our old self , I was at an age when I really didn’t know or have a full knowledge of what my old self should be . Was I meant to enter my teenage years and beyond as a boy/man or a girl/woman ? Nature had sown the seed but the nurture of my environment was trying to send me down a male path . Like most on Kandi’s Land I’m of an age when society was far more closed and guarded to transgander thinking , in fact the term never really appeared all that was sometimes publicised was someone having a sex change .
Again I would say many here went down the male route by doing what was required of a man , we found a partner , got married built a home up to have our famillies . During that period drssing is usually grabbed moments associated with dreadful shame and guilt , you are a husband with a family to support why on earth do I need or want to wear my wife’s clothes ? I often think from other people’s comments that our battle begin to surface in our forties , mine certainly did , ineeded to tell someone bfore my head exploded but how ? What would the circumstances be and what could happen after the words were spoken ? So many of us battle on knowing it’s a losing one , my only outlet was a conversation with my GP but once the cat is out of the bag you want more , you need answers and they have the key to help . The problem in my case was the battle with my wife because she saw it as an illness so counselling offered a cure . As we all know it’s not an illness , the professionals will try and label you correctly so you can understand enough to try and rebuild your life around a female side which is not most wives want to hear .
The long battle for me finally ended in my sixties when our separation happened , it will be a day I shall never forget , the removal van was loaded and as I followed it down my drive I knew that was the end of 45 years of marriage and the start of a new life as Teresa , my emotions were so mixed up , happiness , sadness mixed with the excitement and fear of what was to come ! Could I really pull this off or would I fail miserably ?
Six years on the answer is YES I CAN , I have no regrets I fought the long battle and won and it feels so good !!
Hi Teresa,
Wow! You’ve shared a lot here. Thanks!
Your story informs me that despite similarities, each of our stories is unique. This understanding has influenced my approach to everyone. Is this the same for you? Fighting an instinct to initially label someone “same or different” is another way of judging “friend or foe.” Relying on instinct is a bad habit and bad habits are like a comfortable bed: easy to get into and hard to get out of.
Regardless, it was good to read you are comfortable with where you are at today. One of the most common regrets of people on their deathbed is is not living more authentically. “No regrets” is a good mantra.
Nora
Nora,
The problem was at such a young age I didn’t understand enough to truthfully label myself , we then naturally allow others to label us with a corresponding path .
I have no regrets but then it’s too late anyway because of my formal name change and gender marker back in January , it was scary at the time but since then I’ve noticed my confidence has grown and my acceptance gets better and better .
Nice article Nora.
I’ll have to read more of your stories in Trans Living.
Fiona
Fiona,
Thank you for a kind message. It feels good to be appreciated.
Nora