Off to Atlanic City with my wife for two days. Yay.
Don’t get me wrong, she prefers me in boy mode but we have fun occasionally as two hot babes on the town.
I prefer to be Gwen but life’s about harmony for me these days. It’s a give and take. She gives me allot of space to be Gwen of which I’m so grateful for and I need to meet her needs too.
Oftentimes we think it’s all about ME and we forget that our needs also impact our loved ones as well.
It’s a lot to ask of her.
Throwing Gwen on her 3 years ago after 29 years of marriage would have floored many people but she showed compassion and caring. Do we have issues over it still? Yes, of course.
I often get obsessed with Gwen and she gently says she wants her husband back. Well, sometimes not so gently giving me a big dose of reality and a bit of selfishness on my part and I reel Gwen back in.
I do prefer being Gwen and I’d love to be her all the time but life has it’s own formula for each of us. I’m a person that can handle the stresses of dysphoria. I encapsulate it so it doesn’t wreck all of me. Then I deal with it by letting the “pressure” out by being Gwen as I’m able.
It’s not easy living AS a “DUAL SPIRIT”. It’s not easy living WITH one either.
I suppose the most treacherous days in the life of a married, transgender person may be the initial weeks and months after revealing a gender identity that has been kept as a long hidden secret or repressed need. In my case, I handled every step of my emergence badly, failing to empathize with my partner and how this revelation impacted her view of me and of herself. Irreparable harm followed and the relationship faltered, even when it seemed a tenuous balance had been achieved.
Its so very easy to be swept up by the euphoria of coming out, and yet its during such moments, one is well advised step away from yourself and as much as possible try to see and understand your partner’s perspective.
I totally agree with what you wrote a so sorry you went through that experience. I went through major purge too but my wife saw how depressed I got. We still have our challenges to be sure.
This is always a tough question whether we have or need a dual spirit . I guess I’m lucky as I only have to answer this question a couple of times a year to see my grandsons . Naturally I feel guilty because I would like to see them far more , it is painful both in not seeing them more and having to be grandpa for those few hours . What’s important is the family know my pain , I was surprised when my ex-wife made that comment so all I can do is be patient and wait until they’re old enough to understand .
The one question I posed my ex is how would she like to live with a dual spirit , or more to the point live with GD , without those feelings our wives /partners will never be fully on board . They are mostly stuck with the image we’re just men in dresses and it’s something that’s too embarrassing to talk about or let outsiders know . My ex just can’t comprehend that I can happliy live my life in another skin , people are bound to be laughing and making comments .
It’s allot to ask our spouses and loved ones. They see it as a stigma or blemish to be hidden. I prefer to see my dual spirit as my superpower.
I told my wife after she found a women’s name and # in my wallet. We were married 10 years at the time with 3 children. We are now married 50 years with 5 children and 9 grandchildren. My wife wants nothing to do with my femme side. The keyword in my life is balance. I get out when I can. Attended Keystone, Fantasia, First Event etc.
I love my family, but I love my femme side and know that I will always be the way I am.
Love of the family doesn’t diminish with being trans , my ex-wife does tell our children to respect me for the father I’ve been . My daughter doesn’t have a problem with me anyway as we’ve been out many times and I usually spend Xmas day with her family . In fact next week I’m taking her and my granddaughter to see a live show of the Jungle Book .
Superpower ! Possibly but it doesn’t hold me back from living a normal life .