Breathing vs. Fine Dining

I am a fan of analogies. Here’s one. For those of you that suffer from gender dysphoria, struggle in the gender of your birth, transitioning is like breathing. You need air, you need to be yourself. That is a difficult life, a tough way to find mental peace. I have great admiration for those of you that survive it.

For me, being Kandi is like fine dining. We all have to eat to survive, breathe to survive. In the male role in my life, I am quite comfortable. I have a tremendous wife, fabulous children and now our grandson is one year old. We have an Aura frame in our kitchen, filled with memories of the life we have led, hundreds of pictures of our kids as children and tons of pictures of our grandson. A wedding, birth, relationships, friendships, family, sisters, parents. I could stare at that thing for hours. Male me. Breathing, happy. Having a great meal, like one I prepare almost daily.

But being Kandi is an out-of-body experience. This has been a more than decade long evolution. I have worked very hard to make her a real person, not a caricature of a crossdresser or some AI creation. I have invested real hours and dollars into representing my sisters in the best possible way. To seamlessly navigate the world. And I have done that. She is like being served by a Michelin chef. The meal I just cooked and ate was wonderful, male me. Do I need her to breathe? No. Do I need her to live a high-quality life, one of great joy and of benefit to others. You bet! Am I a better human being for being her, having her in my life. No question!

I am really coming to peace with who I am, and it has allowed me to be a much, much kinder person. I still have my opinions and am conservative (not the political definition, the original dictionary definition) at my core. It has been refreshing for me to chat with a few LGBT friends who espoused my beliefs before I said them: don’t shove things into people’s faces. The entire pronouns thing was a huge contributing factor to the results of the last election. I knew it, I told anyone and everyone I could, and they kept it up and now we have this mess. Now I am involved in many LGBT organizations as I was then as well and guess what? I don’t hear the pronouns thing much anymore.

Sixty-five years in and I am finally starting to figure out this thing called life. One of the beauties of being Kandi is that is has allowed me to be much more creative in a real sense. Outfit assembly is such an art, such a treat. This blog, writing, my passion. The evolution of how I document my girl life, now with videos (as amateurish as they may be), photos with different backdrops, poses, lighting, all an art, all sparking my creative passions. Posting on my social platforms and receiving a very high degree of support, so special.

If you have trouble “breathing”, my heart aches for you. While I will always be conflicted, I am blessed to have the ability to eat at that five-star restaurant. However I found a way, I found a way.

Let me emphasize this: kindness is easy, kindness is free, kindness is contagious and kindness is the ultimate solution. Will it ever happen universally? Of course not. Evil existed in the Garden of Eden, and it will continue to exist years after I check out. Just BE KIND. Say thank you. Smile. Hold a door open for someone. Let someone pass in front of you. And if you don’t agree with someone, let them have their opinion. They have every right to their opinion as you have to yours. We have to get along to get along.

BE KIND!