By Lisa P.
What girl doesn’t dream of her wedding and wedding dress? I had the first without the second; or rather, I was able to enjoy the second vicariously only (translation: unsatisfactorily). I have been married for 40 years, so I have had a lot of time to think about my dream dress since that wonderful day when I saw my bride shining brightly in her own wedding dress. I would go to weddings and focus my attention on the bride’s dress and consider what I liked and didn’t like about it.
About 20 years ago, as my wife was repacking her old wedding dress she agreed to let me try it on when I told her that I could comfortably wear 75% of her dresses. Don’t ever try that – it can be terribly deflating (or inflating, if you think about how much like a balloon you will feel). The armpits were too tight and my chest was too big. Let’s just say it was a non-starter and pointed out the difference between a fitted dress and a dress that stretches as well as the changes wrought by testosterone on the human teenager.
About a decade ago, I tried again and bought a dress on Ebay for $15 that was one size bigger than my size (on the label). Don’t ever try that either – dresses you buy on Ebay can be outdated, and inexpensively made and the label is unlikely true to side. Not only did I have to contend with an ugly dress, but it didn’t fit either. Since it was so little money, I tried my hand at pulling out the seams to see if I could make it more comfortable. After hours of work, this little seamstress had met her match; she had a pile of cheap fabric that she could put on, but looked terrible regardless. I put it away (I now plan to throw it away) for another day, hoping (as one tends to do in these situations) that one day it would be magically transformed into a beautiful dress that fit me perfectly. To help you visualize this “bridezilla” in the wrong dress, I have included a photo. I do, however, like the color contrast between the white dress and green hedgerow with red berry behind it! I also must admit that the detailing on the upper arm isn’t half bad, as you can see in the accompanying photo that isn’t so washed out.
Fast forward to our pandemic life, with many dreams put on hold. Dreams that are on hold, however, are not forgotten. After developing antibodies to COVID-19 (the hard way), I have allowed myself some freedom to go to stores, and that led me about a month ago to a resale shop that I like. The shop is situated in a strip mall between a toney neighborhood with 5000 square foot homes and an urban “sprawl” avenue filled with apartments of 500 square feet. It makes for an interesting dynamic for a charity shop, because the store gets donations from the rich and sells them at a deep discount, whereas the usual shop like it seems to get donations from the middle class.
The unique characteristic of this resale store makes it my “go-to” shop if I am looking to buy a $5 Nine West skirt or blouse, or some Mizuno yoga pants for $3 (like the ones I am wearing as I write this). Unlike most such shops, they also have their “couture” aisle, with designer clothes priced far below what you would normally pay for those items. I always look there first. You have to buy immediately, because most clothing in that section is there for only a day. My eye on this particular day moved immediately to a long white dress. I thought it was extremely unlikely that it would be my size, but I had to see. The dress was not a wedding dress per se, but it was a dress that could be worn either as a wedding dress or as a formal dress in the summer. Size 10 – close to my size. I knew, however, that it was highly unlikely to fit (remember my prior two experiences described above) even if it wouldn’t have the tight armpit problem because it was a strapless style. Also, it was priced at $100 (oh my!), which was the highest amount I have ever spent on a dress. But, it still had its original tags and showed a price of $799, so it was a real bargain and I doubted it would last the day. With COVID, you can’t try anything on at the store, but the return policy is liberal, so I bought it and took it home to try on. Alas, as I feared there was no way to zip it up. My chest circumference was a couple of inches too big, even without the normal padding I add to enhance my breasts. Darn it, I thought, I am foiled again.
Then I had a thought: what if the dress could be altered? I scoured the internet and learned about wedding dresses that were converted to corset style closure in the back to give extra room. But, I needed womanly advice and so I sought it from my daughter. I hold her that I had bought an “absolutely amazing dress” that still had its original tags (although she doesn’t care about designer labels – for your benefit I will admit it was Vera Wang) that is ivory and clearly was intended to serve either as a wedding dress (it has a short train) or as a gown for a formal where a train would not be out of order. I told her that I thought the bare shoulder look probably would work for me because sometimes it moves the eye downward (that’s my theory anyway) and doesn’t focus on my wide shoulders. I asked her whether she thought it was worth the effort to try to find a seamstress who could try to let it out or replace the zipper with the corset-style closure, even though it might cost me $75 or so. Her reply: “I wish I knew more about dresses and hemming and all that stuff. I have no idea, but why not try? Nothing to lose right (other than $75…but I think it may be worth the happiness/joy from the dress fitting and looking awesome).” That was all the encouragement I needed! Aren’t daughters amazing (or better, to use her term, awesome)?!
I set off to find a seamstress who I could ask (I had to find someone new, as the tailor shop my wife and I go to would not do, as they don’t know Lisa). I was shocked when she told me that I needed perhaps 3-1/2 inches, and I thought she would tell me the situation was hopeless. But, she also told me that these types of dresses often have extra material to allow alterations and that she would try. Would I mind paying $25? I happily answered yes, because otherwise I would have to return the dress and I might never find something so lovely again.
I had to be patient to get the dress done, but when I went back, I must admit that I was absolutely floored by the results. I asked the seamstress to take some photos of me in the dress, which she was only too pleased to do, and I was pleased with the results. I won’t say that the dress “fit like a glove” but it felt comfortable and it made me feel like a princess. Overall, getting the dress tailored was an absolutely fabulous experience. It helps that my daughter (when she saw these photos) said, “wow, it is gorgeous and you look gorgeous in it! Love it!!” How’s that for a comment to make one’s day?
_______________________________________________________________________________________
“You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.”
Mary Pickford (actress)(1892-1979)
In my view, like Mary we exemplify the type of women who refuse to stay down!
20 Responses
Lisa,
Great story. You look fabulous in that white dress. It is perfect for you going to a Ball. You now need the gentleman in the tuxedo beside you.
But for me, a wedding dress is something I don’t want to try on. This girl has no desire to wear one. To each, their own!
Thanks for telling this story.
Love,
Jocelyn
Jocelyn,
It is an old story now, but it was a fun experience. Truly, it was a fantasy lived out, at least up to the point of the fitting.
You are totally correct that we don’t all share the same fantasies, and some fantasies are best left unfulfilled, I suppose. I did feel like a silly girl for spending so much on one dress. My daughter has promised to find an occasion for me to wear it, but so far it remains in the closet, much like other fancy clothes!
Lisa
Lisa,
I fully understand your desire to try on a wedding dress and similar dress. When my first wife and I divorced, she left her wedding dress and a bride’s maide dress in the closet of my home. She didn’t have the room in the place she moved to. So I was able to experience those dresses. It was so much fun. That was almost 40 years ago.
I hope you have been able to enjoy your dress in public.
Cali
Cali,
How lucky for you that you were able to make lemonade out of the lemon of your divorce from your first wife. She left you a gift!
Your hope for me is unfulfilled, as you can see from my reply to Jocelyn. There is still time!
Lisa
Lisa,
To bad that dress has not seen the light of day. My Ex-wife took her dresses when she moved some place else, but that was about 40 years ago.
I have one dress I would love to wear out, its a Little Black Cocktail Dress from Victoria’s Secret. Maybe one year I’ll wear it to some convention.
Cali
May it be so! Tomorrow tomorrow…it’s only a day away….
Hi Lisa,
It’s a dream for all of us to wear a wedding dress I’m sure. I must say you look absolutely stunning in that dress and my jealousy meter is over the top 😋.
Although my girl friends in Vancouver are keeping their eyes open for a used dress for me. Apparently they have someone they know who deals in already worn wedding dresses. So I hope one day I’ll be able to join your club, fingers crossed. Have a great day girl ❤️.
Trish,
I hope you are able to experience the thrill. I try on the dress occasionally, waiting for that moment when I can go out into the world wearing it!
If you find “the” dress. Let us know, so we can enjoy your moment vicariously!
Lisa
If it happens Lisa Trish’s pics in the dress will make Kandi’s land her first stop for sure. ❤️💋
Lisa, nice post albeit a stark reminder of the challenges we face with sizing etc. and an even starker reminder of the ‘must have’ facial accessories that were de riguer at the time of original publication!
The dress is fabulous and your daughter hit the nail on the head with her assessment of you wearing it and even with the mask, it’s obvious that something quite special was going on.
Amanda,
Thank you for your comment. I wish everyone could see that I was smiling from ear to ear under that mask.
Start reminder indeed. There was even a time when I (like many of us) hid behind my mask, wearing it like a shield against being “read.” I am happy we don’t have that excuse, because we all should be out enjoying our lives and being ourselves without fear, as the world is less scaring for us than we often imagine.
Lisa
I guess a mask is light years better than a ‘denial beard’ though!!
Lisa, what a wonderful essay. Wearing such a lovely wedding dress would be a dream come true for me. You look so beautiful in that dress. A size 10 would fit me perfectly. I just have to look for a used dress like that.
Hugs Julie
Julie,
What a thoughtful comment. Thank you!
Thankfully, I too can fit into a size 10 (even some size 8s). But I still sometimes can’t seem to make the shoulders and/or rib cage work. Like most of us girls, I shop for dresses that have a little stretch. Wedding dresses are made to be form-fitting, so I am now of the opinion that (i) a seamstress is essential and (ii) my sewing skills are woefully inadequate for those types of alterations. I have never again tried to alter my own dresses. But I have been back to the same shop now multiple times to get other dresses altered. I can’t recommend enough doing that if you want to look great in a particularly fabulous dress!
Lisa
Lisa,
The dream was always so close as I photographed brides for thirty years , can you imagine how many dresses I had to arrange in that time . Sometimes dresses would be left at my studio , the temptation was too great not to slip them on , some were really stunning to look at but very few were comfortable to wear . My real weakness was I really wanted to be a bridesmaid , I loved the colours and some of the styles were to die for besides bridesmaid’s always had more fun at weddings . I had two lovely friends who ran a bridal shop and when they retired they let me try on a selection of dresses , when I said I couldn’t afford to buy them they slipped a lovely ballgown in a bag and gave me me it saying that’s for being a good friend .
The one big regret is not having the ability to make my own clothes , I do have a sewing machine and had a go at minor alterations .
It’s great you had the support of your wife and daughter you do look lovely in the dress I hope they also thought so well at least we’ve both lived that dream and enjoyed the moment .
Teresa,
How splendid that you were able to share in so many joyful moments! I am envious of your bridesmaid gift — that was sweet of your friend. I like to think that we need only a small bit of encouragement to shine!
Thank you for your kind thoughts and comments (as always). We are kindred souls.
Lisa
You look absolutely gorgeous in that lovely dress Lisa. I sincerely hope you get to wear it in public one day, I guarantee you will be on cloud 9 for days if you do.
Fiona,
Your comment made my day. Thank you!
Lisa
Lisa,
You look lovely in the wedding dress. Your figure wears it well. Perhaps, you can get on an episode of “Say Yes to the Dress.” My mind cannot wrap around me attired in a wedding gown. I’d love to be able to wear floor length evening gowns; red or black for sure. Thanks for sharing.
Stephanie,
I loved your comment about my figure. We all need to “figure out” how to wear our dresses well, given the effects of testosterone!
May you one day see yourself in the lovely gown of your dreams!
Lisa