Today, I’ve been thinking about something that hits close to home: the idea of being a “tolerant intolerant.”
It’s a bit of a confusing term at first, but it really makes you think about how we get along in a world with so many different views.
As a transgender person, I’ve seen people, to include other transgender persons, who claim to support us, act pretty harshly when someone doesn’t totally agree with their views or “group think.” I align with most of their ideas, but not all, because I’m an independent thinker.
I don’t just see things in black and white or stick to one issue. I like to look at each situation on its own to make my own personal decisions.
Tolerance is supposed to mean accepting different opinions and behaviors, even if we don’t fully agree with them. It helps us all live together peacefully despite our differences.
But here’s the tricky part: if we accept absolutely everything, does that mean damaging ideas could take over and challenge the values that hold us together?
This is what philosopher Karl Popper talked about—the idea that too much tolerance can actually lead to intolerance. We also all have our limits.
There are things, like hate or discrimination, that should never be okay. But who’s the arbiter of what constitutes hate speech or is it free speech? A slippery slope, yes?
To Politic or Not?
Despite being tolerant, these are lines many of us just can’t accept. Many have their heads explode when religion or politics are discussed. All rational discussion is dismissed in favor of insults, name calling and more. Certainly not an ideal situation for dialogue and coexistence.
I tend to take tough subjects and ask myself why? What’s influencing their viewpoint? I try understanding their point of view without bias. I may disagree. I may chance my view. I may want to think on it more.
To make an instantaneous emotional decision isn’t in my nature. But that’s just me.
How do you react to stressful topics?
Do you need a safe space?
Do you take it as no big deal?
Do you act similarly to me?
Such a juicy topic, is it not?
This becomes even more complex when what one person sees as tolerant might seem intolerant to another. So it’s not just about putting up with differences, but really engaging with them in a respectful way.
This is why I can’t just support every viewpoint blindly. We need to find the right balance between respecting others and protecting our shared values, like dignity and coexistence.
I’d love to hear what you all think about this.
How do you find balance in your life?
Dr. Gwen Patrone
2 Responses
Gwen,
The wonders of human nature ! It’s impossible for us all the think the same , and thank goodness .
Taken to the extreme most of us would be intolerant if we thought it was going to harm us or others without provocation , there is still evil out there which will never be fully understood .
I agree that I have suffered more intolerance from within the transgender community , perhaps many have fought battles outside the community with family , close friends or work colleagues. We can therefore be over defensive with people we feel should be friends because we share a common situation .
So am I a tolerant or intolerant person ? I admit I’m tired of BS , yes our community is often guilty of overstating our case . At the same time I do try and listen or read carefully , some people are desperate for someone to turn to and just TALK , fear can hold the truth back so I often try and read between the lines to see the whole truth , often people will then open up when they realise it’s safe to do so .
Humans have basic instincts like many other living creatures which in nature can mean surviving or not , we often rely on split second assessments of people or the situation . How many times have we taken to one person with open arms and another we reject for unexplained reasons , should we or do we override basic instincts or not ?
Humans have that extra layer of social attitude to deal with , we may like a person until they tell us who they work for or what occupation they have , do you suddenly lose the trust of someone who admits they work for the inland revenue , perhaps we could ask Kandi if she experienced that when she was released form prison ? Did she lose the trust of people ?
Sadly the internet has seen a rise in intolerance , people can remain faceless and throw abuse at who they like without any recourse , should mobile phones be totally banned in schools to try and eradicate bullying ? I feel much of our intolerance is down to technology , face to face encounters can solve many problems .
I had to make instantaneous (emotional ) decisions in my photography business , yes it could be stressful but I had no where to run , I couldn’t second think it . BUT very few can live with that situation long term , on top of which I was dealing with transgender issues . It’s possibly why I had to make the decision right or wrong to separate and eventually divorce , you have to find ways to relieve stress in your life and being transgender wasn’t going away .
Personally I feel stress is like blowing circuits in the brain , they never get fully repaired so you have to find ways to work round the blown circuits , for that reason stress never fully leaves you , all you can do is live a life as stress free as possible .
In the past it always seemed individuals came together to celebrate some sort of commonality. It may be a mutual interest in a hobby or a sporting event, etc. Now, I see too many getting together to express dislike and hatred towards others. I am what I call, a plain vanilla cross dresser, who feels comfortable in my male world and also emulating a woman. Not being born a cis woman I truly do not feel the mixed emotions when they encounter or interact with transgender women in spaces set aside for cis women. I can understand the women’s view, whether valid or not, concerning trans-women competing in women’s sports. I have found those who are militant in their personal views will paint a person with an opposite viewpoint as some sort of evil person. Having been married to a wonderful women for fifty plus years, who is accepting of trans and gay/lesbian peoples, I do have a person who expresses some concerns that are not 100% in accordance with the militants’ views, that I can discuss ideas and opinion. With society being at extremes these days, who scream negativity at each other, it tends to keep those in the middle from voicing at moderating opinion.