“a remedy for all ills or difficulties, cure all”
As I told a friend recently, it’s nice that I am able to get dressed frequently, but by no means (for me) is it a panacea. Yes, ten years ago I discovered Kandi and yes, it has given me joy. It has created amazing experiences. It has even resulted in an ability to provide for my wife and I. But it evolved, it is both me and not me. It gives me no peace. Happiness, certainly. Joy, yes. Peace, no, never. Many express a sense of calm when dressed, I would kill for a sense of calm in any circumstance, dressed, not dressed, buzzed, not buzzed. I am a restless soul. Only the ability to allow my wife to retire will bring me that calm. Even then, who knows? For the entirety of my life, my personal self-worth has always been rooted in my career or more accurately my career failure. Kandi is just what I am, it is also now a way for me to be someone other than the person I really am. It is simply now for me the choice we all have, what do I wear today…
As always, this is a snapshot of my state of mind at the time I wrote this. Me writing in what is for me, my journal. My mind will shift, drift, change, another sunset, another sunrise, another grind, another event to look forward to and get that joy, another great day, another work day. My days are never bad, almost never. I still, despite my candor here, approach every day with a positive attitude. I do smile most of the day. This week was no different, knowing I had an art museum event on Friday and the retirement party for a man of God, whom I will greatly miss. Days, moments, experiences I greatly look forward to. Let’s see what happened!
July 31, 2024, a non-Kandi Kandi day. I needed to spend a day in the office, which would have been, but doesn’t have to be a, Kandi day. I also had a Zoom meeting to hire a digital marketing company. Plus I always have to get a workout in so I made an early morning pickleball commitment. I had a jammed schedule already and then the day prior BFF reached out with a rare window, so I juggled a bunch of things and agreed to have Happy Hour cocktails and dinner with her.
Given the ability to schedule without the whole “window” thing would I have agreed to do this? No. But this is the life many of my sisters live, so I make accommodations (like I did twice the week prior). I know my friend Sherry is fading away from me, so I wanted to see her. All that left no room for the time sponge that becoming Kandi is. So while all day I am referred to as Kandi and she, I did not look like her. Dressing would have required me to cancel for sure on Sherry and would have required me to inconvenience my wife, who had a late shift at work and I always want to stay out of her way bathroom-wise. Kandi never is the priority and never will be. Where is that calm thing?
We held court at the same place I met Jackie last week. The place was packed and it was simply another wonderful time there, me dressed or not dressed, with BFF this time, having a blast. I’m going to miss my friend, things are changing in her life.
August 2, 2024, I needed to work, helping set up an event and then did my monthly gig at the art museum. Out the door around 9:00AM, to Tower City to help set up a carnival we were running all the next day. I just worked, hanging banners, setting up tables, placing table cloths, etc. all over a central gathering place in the city of Cleveland while being over run by WWE fans in town for Summer Slam (apparently it is some kind of big deal), fans from all over the country here for this event. I could not have felt less awkward dressed while grown adults walked around wearing their favorite wrestler on their shirt (kinda gay in my opinion to have another man’s picture on a grown man’s shirt, but we’ll not got there right now) or WWE faux championship belts. No one cared, I did my job looking like this.
I then changed and headed off to the art museum to work another monthly MIX. There is really no great story here, just me in my realm, holding court, chatting up many friends and acquaintances, getting compliments, feeling absolutely valued. Oh, but I did love the dress…
August 3, 2024, farewell forever to my happiest of happy places. This one may take another post…
5 Responses
Kandi,
Just to double check the meaning of ” Panacea” my dictionary descibed it as , ” universal medicine ” , Umh ! Never thought of it in those terms , so does it apply to me ? Could we losely descibe it as therapy ? All I know is it simply means I don’t do male mode but then it can’t take all day I just have to find the time to make it happen .
OK a quick run down of my morning , late start because it was pouring with rain , did my normal prep before breakfast and then headed off to my local repair garage to book an annual MOT on my car ( Ministry of Transport vehicle roadworthy test ). Wearing a knee length skirt with short sleeved blouse and light rain jacket , chatted about car problems with the garage owner , when I asked about the tyre wear he replied it was legal so I asked if he was referring to me or the car , had a laugh over that one . After getting the car booked in I headed back into town to do my supermarket shop and bumped into a couple I sometimes walk with in the mornings , discussed the choices of wine and I pointed out a really good budget white wine , we joked about getting together later to sample it . Weather still wasn’t good so I headed home to put my shopping away .
OK not that exciting , just another normal day as Teresa , tomorrow I’ll squeeze my easel into my car and head off to my painting group .
Would you descibe as ” Panacea ” ? Perhaps only in the context of the universal medicine being the source of everyday life and living it happily as you choose to be .
I love the pink floral dress and the woman inside it.
Jocelyn
Love the smile!
I really really love your adorable pink dress Kandi and to see you so bright and feminine. You always seem so happy in every picture. I’m really impressed by your ability to show love and kindness, thinking of others and taking time for them, regardless of the things good or bad going on in your life.
My own inner battles and personal life have kept me offline and away from this wonderful place for a while. But it’s always an encouragement to see and read what you have to share. I can’t say it enough how much I think of and appreciate you, even when I’m offline and away from this site for extended periods of time. It’s always wonderful to visit and catch up on what I’ve missed.
One word: survival. That is why I decided a while back to live a happy life, despite many issues that challenge me daily. Love you, Lizzy!