I have been expressing my feminine side for over eight years now. I have struggled with how this defines me as a person, and how it has affected my relationship with my wife. She has never accepted this side of me, but she knows I still want to express my feminine side and how important this is to me. This has made expressing myself as a woman a challenge. This is not something I can stop or want to stop; it has become such an important part of who I am as a person. Expressing my feminine side is as normal to me as expressing my masculine side. I do not expect my wife to accept this side of me, that must come from her and her alone. Her acceptance would be a dream come true for me, and I hope it happens someday. I do not dress like a woman to hurt my wife, and I would abide by any guidelines she would put on my dressing as a woman.
When I dress, this is “my time” to do what I really enjoy. The exhilaration I feel when I watch my transformation from male to gorgeous female is overwhelming. The joy I feel finding that perfect dress puts such a wonderful smile that lights up my face. Spending the day with dear friends, going shopping, spending time enjoying a nice lunch, and sharing all the things we have in common as cross-dressers makes this so special. Each time I go out as Julie I feel more comfortable and confident in who I am, my dressing has evolved, and I feel so good about the woman I am becoming. I love coordinating my wardrobe, learning the techniques of good makeup applications. My priority is to blend in and express femininity with elegance and grace.
It takes so much time and effort to transform myself into Julie, I want to be able to enjoy “my time.” Making new friends and experience new things as a woman is important to me. One of my goals is to attend a crossdressing event like Keystone or Espirt. When I spend “my time” I want to experience driving across country as a woman, being able to go to shows or share a glass of wine with my girlfriends. I want to be able to shop for women’s fashion as my feminine persona. For me it is more than putting on the dress or applying the makeup, it is my inner femininity that makes me the gender fluid person that I am. All I ask is the tolerance to be who I am and allow me to spend some “my time”
Love Julie
2 Responses
Julie, what I particularly liked about that post was the way you put your wife at the centre of everything. Life can often seem inherently unfair and we perhaps feel this more than most – it’s not fair that person A’s wife not only supports but encourages their CDing when the rest of us are having to hide this side of ourselves and constantly worry about covering our tracks but that’s reality and, in many respects, a small price to pay for having someone commit their whole life to us. And in many respects, sacrificing who we are to some degree makes those times when we are able to be who we want to be all the more special.
Like you, I cherish the times when I can be out & about and feel good about just being ‘her’. Opportunities are few and far between these days and I’m well aware that one day, they may dry up completely. But underlying that reality are priorities that are far more important to me than the physical manifestation of a side of me that is ever present regardless.
Julie,
First of all, you look so beautiful.
Thank you for writing this post. You describe your inner thoughts so well. I love your passion.
Presenting our feminine side is extremely rewarding and allows that side of us to blossom for the world to see. Being confident and comfortable is a wonderful feeling. It just makes our life so much better.
I too suffer from minimal to zero opportunities to be dressed as a gorgeous woman. But internally I always know who I am. You are not alone.
Sharing your story is very helpful for many of us. Thanks again.
Your friend,
Jocelyn