I have been expressing my feminine side for over eight years now. I have struggled with how this defines me as a person, and how it has affected my relationship with my wife. She has never accepted this side of me, but she knows I still want to express my feminine side and how important this is to me. This has made expressing myself as a woman a challenge. This is not something I can stop or want to stop; it has become such an important part of who I am as a person. Expressing my feminine side is as normal to me as expressing my masculine side. I do not expect my wife to accept this side of me, that must come from her and her alone. Her acceptance would be a dream come true for me, and I hope it happens someday. I do not dress like a woman to hurt my wife, and I would abide by any guidelines she would put on my dressing as a woman.
When I dress, this is “my time” to do what I really enjoy. The exhilaration I feel when I watch my transformation from male to gorgeous female is overwhelming. The joy I feel finding that perfect dress puts such a wonderful smile that lights up my face. Spending the day with dear friends, going shopping, spending time enjoying a nice lunch, and sharing all the things we have in common as cross-dressers makes this so special. Each time I go out as Julie I feel more comfortable and confident in who I am, my dressing has evolved, and I feel so good about the woman I am becoming. I love coordinating my wardrobe, learning the techniques of good makeup applications. My priority is to blend in and express femininity with elegance and grace.
It takes so much time and effort to transform myself into Julie, I want to be able to enjoy “my time.” Making new friends and experience new things as a woman is important to me. One of my goals is to attend a crossdressing event like Keystone or Espirt. When I spend “my time” I want to experience driving across country as a woman, being able to go to shows or share a glass of wine with my girlfriends. I want to be able to shop for women’s fashion as my feminine persona. For me it is more than putting on the dress or applying the makeup, it is my inner femininity that makes me the gender fluid person that I am. All I ask is the tolerance to be who I am and allow me to spend some “my time”
Love Julie
10 Responses
Julie, what I particularly liked about that post was the way you put your wife at the centre of everything. Life can often seem inherently unfair and we perhaps feel this more than most – it’s not fair that person A’s wife not only supports but encourages their CDing when the rest of us are having to hide this side of ourselves and constantly worry about covering our tracks but that’s reality and, in many respects, a small price to pay for having someone commit their whole life to us. And in many respects, sacrificing who we are to some degree makes those times when we are able to be who we want to be all the more special.
Like you, I cherish the times when I can be out & about and feel good about just being ‘her’. Opportunities are few and far between these days and I’m well aware that one day, they may dry up completely. But underlying that reality are priorities that are far more important to me than the physical manifestation of a side of me that is ever present regardless.
Amanda, I know we share the difficulties in expressing our feminine side. This is something that I only do a few times a year. It is always a part of who I am, but I am also a father, grandfather, and husband. These are the most important things in my life.
I do need “My Time” every once in a while. I only ask my wife to grant me this time for myself. All other times I am her man. I hope in time our wives can see this and grant us the freedom to be who we are.
Julie,
First of all, you look so beautiful.
Thank you for writing this post. You describe your inner thoughts so well. I love your passion.
Presenting our feminine side is extremely rewarding and allows that side of us to blossom for the world to see. Being confident and comfortable is a wonderful feeling. It just makes our life so much better.
I too suffer from minimal to zero opportunities to be dressed as a gorgeous woman. But internally I always know who I am. You are not alone.
Sharing your story is very helpful for many of us. Thanks again.
Your friend,
Jocelyn
Jocelyn, thank you for your sweet comment on how I look. Just having the freedom to express our feminine feeling would make all the difference in the world. I do want to be the man in our relationship. As a gender fluid person, I just need some time to be that person.
Your friendship has been such a joy.
Julie,
There’s one line that stands out for me , ” I do not dress as a woman to hurt my wife “. I know many of us have been through this in the past ( as in my case ) and many still do . In fact we don’t dress to hurt anyone and I’d hate to think any of us would which would be unforgivable . From my own experience I know what a balancing act it is , juggling your inner emotions with those of close loved ones .
I was surprised when my wife agreed to me attending social group meetings even while she chose not to see me , I wonder if you posed the question what would your wife reply ?
The one problem occasional dressers have is trying too hard which I appreciate is inevtiable , spending hours to perfect the look and then dress to the nines to complete the transformation . I feel that makes it harder for wives because their femininity is being questioned , looking better than her is undermining .The other obvious issues are how far do you want the dressing to go , do you really wish to be a woman and if so do you possibly want to experiment with men ?
Lets consider the alternative situation if our wives declared they would prefer to be a man , suprisingly many do even if it is an alien thought to us . It is strange that the biggest stigma is men who wish to appear as women , whereas a woman can dress more masculine without comment .
Teresa, I am s gender fluid person, and most of my time is spent as a man. I look forward to the times I can spend as a woman. Expressing my feminine side is all that I want to do. Enjoy my time with other girls who feel the same way I do is such a joy.
Hi Julie
First I have to say your pics are awesome! Im 76 and married 53 years. We have 5 children and 10 grandchildren. I went to a CD party in 1977 or 8. I met people just like me. It changed my life. I told my wife after 10 yrs of marriage. Needless to say she was shocked. Over the years I have met others just like myself. I have attended different conferences and had many wonderful times. My wife wants nothing to with my femme side. I understand that. The keyword for me is Balance.
Balance is my goal as well Terri. I have not been able to convince my wife that this is not a threat to her. I just want some time to do this thing that makes me happy and is so much fun.
I really felt the mix of longing and determination in this. You’re clear about what this side of you means and how much you value the chance to live it fully, even with the boundaries in your relationship. I can relate to so much of this in my own relationship.
And now I’m curious what your perfect “cross-country Julie” outfit would be for that dream road trip you mentioned.
It does mean so much to me Michelle, It has been such a joy to express my feminine side. I need to find a way to express myself as a woman and still not do this by lying about this to my wife. It will be difficult, but I have to find a way. I know she feels this is a threat to her.
I love all the support and love from all the girls in this community.
I already have the out fit that I will wear, I hope to take a trip to Joshua Tree National Park this winter. I will do this as Julie. The outfit is a pair of jeans that look wonderful on me along with a cute denim shirt, similar to the one in my profile picture. I would love to have someone to go with on a summer trip to a few National Parks.
I would love to share my email with you if you would like.