Lisa, Lisa….

A Lisa twin spin! Her first ever post and a delightful recent story. Originally posted September 20, 2021.

We enjoy our first ever post by Lisa from the old blog and a wonderful little recent story (circa 2021) she shared with me.

Comment – please!  Having finally accepted myself as a transwoman who is also transphobic, I decided late last year to write down some of the things I like, and don’t like, about being a woman.  After writing out a list (see below), I asked myself some hard questions, such as: am I just being sexist; do I see gender only through the eyes of our current culture; are the differences real or imagined?  I wonder what you think, not only about my list, but about these questions.   I submit that at least some of the things on my list have stood the test of time (that is they transcend current culture) and they reflect some potentially real distinctions between the genders.  There are plenty of fake differences out there that really are just differences between human individuals (such as the proposition that women make poor leaders, have poor math skills and poor spatial reasoning).  I don’t buy any of those supposed differences (and, for the record, I think I make a good leader, I do complex math in my head, and I can manipulate objects in my head easily too).  In any case, after reading my list, do you agree with or relate to some or all or none of them?

I should add that if you think there are no distinctions between the genders in any area, then I would guess you don’t think transgendered people really exist either.  But, we do.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING A WOMAN

I like that I can be more expressive with my face and hands (total communication).

I like being able to wear nail polish and lipstick in a seemingly infinite variety of shades.

I like that I don’t feel the need to dominate the space I occupy – I can just be there.

I like being able to wear a wide variety of clothes in a so many different patterns and styles.

I like being able to be creative with my hair, styling it however I feel for the day and adding a flower or accessory if I want.

I like allowing myself to feel a bit vulnerable.

I like being able to coo over small children and animals without appearing to be strange or threatening.

I like that people don’t find me threatening at all and that strangers engage with me very readily.

I like smelling and wearing perfumes that fill my senses with flowers.

I like not being required to know anything about sports teams or cars.

I like feeling soft fabrics against my skin.

I like the smooth feeling of my own skin and the sensuality of applying lotion to it.

I like being able to use makeup to make myself look natural, or sultry, or anything in between.

I like feeling like it is OK to be emotional whenever I feel like it.

I like sharing my nurturing and caring side, easily and freely; it is part of my life force.

I like feeling that I am part of a special club of supportive people.

I like that women compliment each other so easily and regularly, and I especially enjoy it when they compliment me on my hair or style.

I like getting/giving hugs (when it is safe to do so).

I like being able to show off boobies — even my small/enhanced ones.

I like being able to admire other women and see them as examples.

I like the feel of dangling earrings, without needing to dress like a pirate!

I like having/choosing a purse, where I can put everything I need/want in something stylish.

I like the feel and look of hose on my legs, at least for a time.

I like tapping into and relying on my intuition.

…AND WHAT I DON’T LIKE

I don’t like worrying about my failure to have enough curves, in the right places.

I don’t like the amount of time it takes me sometimes to get ready and feel presentable.

I don’t like that some people expect me to be weak.

I don’t like how indecisive I can be, about so many things, but especially what to wear.

I don’t like that getting older means I require more makeup.

I don’t like zippers and buttons up the back – I am not (quite) a gymnast and it makes it hard to get ready by myself.

I don’t like narrow shoe styles that look wonderful but pinch my feet.

I don’t like worrying about my personal safety when it is dark, and I am by myself.

I don’t like always worrying about what I eat, and where the food I am eating is going on my body.

I don’t like having to pry my sports bra off after a workout.

I don’t like having people focus more on how I look than what I can do.

___________________________________________________________________________________

DADT Doesn’t Always Work

My wife was at work all day.  Usually when she is away, I let my inner Lisa run free and yesterday was no exception.  On my lunch break I decided to go shopping — to try on some clothes and look for a fun pair of heels.  I visited TJ Maxx and tried on six dresses.  I took photos of each, and I liked two of them (one on sale for $20 and one on sale for $10), but I had my mind on going shoe shopping (where I eventually spent way too much on a pair of fancy heels), so I didn’t buy either of the dresses I liked.

After I got home I looked at the photos I had taken in the changing room and was really upset at myself for not buying the $20 dress (a form-fitting spaghetti-strap number in red, with cute little flowers on it — a very Bohemian, summer style), because I looked surprisingly good in it — almost like vah-vah-vah-voom).  So, I was determined to go back and get that dress. 

I have a monthly massage to address chronic back pain that was scheduled for 8 pm, and my wife had a dinner with her girlfriends, so I figured that I would hop out to TJ Maxx (in guy mode) around 7:30 pm and see if I could find that beautiful dress.  After getting help from a sales associate, I found that it had returned to the other side of the dress rack where I had originally found it.  I grabbed the precious cargo and headed to the checkout line.  But, I had taken no more than three steps toward the cash register when who should I see coming directly toward me?  My lovely wife, who showed as much surprise at seeing me as I did at seeing her.  This was one of those “one in a million” situations.  She had left the dinner early and just happened to go into the TJ Maxx to shop for clothes for our granddaughter.  I stood there with the dress draped over my arm and simply said, “well, I guess there is no way to explain this other than to say it is exactly what you think” and then I headed to the register. 

Later I told her that I had a good laugh about the situation (and I hope she did too), because one of the risks of DADT is that you may just be surprised!  I was happy that she didn’t seem too disturbed — I think she is getting used to the idea that all of this goes on in the background (and it stays in the background for her benefit).

As a footnote, I found time to go back and buy that second dress too.  Of course, I have also counselled myself that I need to donate some clothes now to keep balance in the universe!

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11 Responses

  1. Lisa that is some list and yes I relate to many of them
    Today i went to Ulta for the first time in forever and was just a joy shopping for makeup.
    I love makeup I really wished I was better at doing it though

    Lisa what a lovely picture of you in that dress, you made a great choice to get it for sure.
    Treasure your wife and while I know DADT isn’t easy do what you must I do hope she can fully accept who you are someday
    Girls like me who lost a spouse because they couldn’t make it tough on us.
    Blessings Rachael

    1. Rachael, your comment breaks my heart. We all need so much love and every loss hurts badly.

      You are absolutely correct that DADT is much better than the alternative. But, I also know that some girls like us can’t live in a part-time world — it takes so much psychic energy!

      Glad you got to Ulta. Makeup is wonderful therapy.

      Lisa

  2. Lisa,
    Two great lists. They are so relatable, and I agree with you on so many of the items.

    Being a woman, even a trans woman, brings me so much pleasure. I love my finished look when I get ready for an outing. I just wish I could find a pair of heels that don’t pinch my feet.

    Accidental encounters can be very awkward. You seem to have successfully managed that one.

    You look fabulous in the red dress. I bet it made you feel so special.

    Love you.

    Jocelyn

  3. Lisa,
    When I decided to go fulltime I had to accept the good with the bad , thankfully there is very little on the bad list . At first I tried to do some more masculine jobs in male mode but soon dropped the idea because there women now doing those jobs . OK I accept I did catch a dog walker with his jaw on the floor when he saw a blond using a chain saw on a windfall tree and my neighbour thought it funny when she saw me covered in debris from head to toe after using my strimmer . I’m backing off from some of those jobs now I’m still very capable but at 73 most women wouldn’t be doing them .

    We must take care when compiling lists like yours as it’s a stereotype some women choose not to be part of , obviously we are biased , most of us want to achieve perfection we have to learn when it’s the right time and place .

    In everyday life the genders are very close , we often share the same jobs , there are more single parents ( male as well as female ) , clothing is ( sadly ) very unisex .

    I’m glad you still managed to buy the dress perhaps next time your wife might join you . It’s part of my life I cherish as I can now shop with my daughter ( I love treating her ) , it was quite amusing when I shopped with my mum , I usually take her out for a visit to her favourite garden centre and treat her to lunch on Mother’s Day . While we were looking round Cotton Traders the SA came up to us and asked if she help the two ladies , I could see a smile on my mum’s face and yes she did pick a top and skirt out for me .

    1. Teresa,

      Your comments are spot on. As you know, I’ve changed a lot in the last four years. I do think that many of the things I list are based on cultural norms and not true distinctions between the genders.

      It is still a mystery to me why I feel “feminine.“ Yet, the truth is I do. Today, I would focus on the way my social relationships function, rather than how I feel about the way I look or my body.

      In any case, for most of us, this journey is fascinating. One that requires constant self evaluation and a whole lot of self love.

      Lisa

  4. Lisa,
    Simple answer you are wired that way , the problem is it takes far too long for some of us to realise that basic fact and accept we can’t change .

    I agree with your comment on concentrating on social relationships , I no longer question how my body looks and what others think but that part does take time .

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