Hey there, I’m Gwen, and I want to share my story with you—especially if you’re someone who’s been thinking about transitioning or just exploring who you are.
This is my real journey, and I’m keeping it chill and honest, like we’re just chatting as friends. Hopefully, you’ll find something in here that clicks with you.
So, I’m a trans woman, and my story starts back in New York City, living in a condo right when COVID hit. That’s when I started playing around with my feelings about being female—trying on clothes, experimenting with how it felt. It was exciting, but also super scary. I was so nervous I could barely leave my apartment at first. I had to decide: rip the Band-Aid off fast or take it slow, step by step.
COVID, in a weird way, ended up helping me out. Wearing a mask gave me a bit of a shield, like I could hide a little while I tested the waters. It let me chip away at my fear bit by bit, kinda like taming a wild animal. You go slow, so it doesn’t freak out. That’s what I did with my fear, and now? I’m not scared to go anywhere as my true self, living as a woman full-time.
Back then, though, it wasn’t always easy. My family situation meant I had to be sneaky sometimes. I’d pack a sports bag with clothes, makeup, shoes, a wig—everything—and head to my van parked on the street. I’d transform right there in the car. It got to the point where I had to do it a few times a week, even just for a couple hours, to let out all that anxiety. Walking around, grabbing lunch, or shopping for clothes felt so freeing.
At first, I used temporary stuff like press-on nails (which didn’t fit great ‘cause my hands are big) and clip-on earrings so I could switch back to “guy mode” quick. But those things didn’t feel as real as I wanted. Still, it’s what I needed to do to balance my life at the time.
Little by little, I started making changes. I got my eyebrows done, let my nails grow, pierced my ears. I learned how to do makeup and change in tight spaces, day or night.
One time, I didn’t even notice a couple watching me from a car across the street while I was getting ready. When I stepped out, they rolled down their window and started chatting. They thought it was cool—they even had a trans friend! I told them I was just cross-dressing back then, not ready to call myself trans. They were super nice, and honestly, I found most people either don’t care or are too wrapped up in their own lives to notice. That helped me tame my fear and build confidence.
Eventually, I moved to Florida and started leaning into this more. I decided it was time to take big steps—hormone replacement therapy and breast augmentation. For me, being transgender means making permanent changes, like through hormones or surgery. If you’re not doing that, I’d call it cross-dressing, but everyone’s got their own way of seeing it. The definition’s gotten broader, you know?
Now, I’m at a place where I’m super confident and love every part of living as a woman—or as close as I can get. I don’t see myself as a biological woman, and I don’t try to be.
Women are amazing, and I kinda put them on a pedestal. I’m more like a unicorn—a mix of male and female traits I love. I just choose to present as female because it feels right for me right now.
I’m lucky, I guess. I can pull off presenting as male or female pretty well, depending on the day. Not everyone can do that because of their body or life situation, and I get that.
I’m sharing this because if you’re thinking about transitioning, you gotta weigh it all carefully. It’s a long, tough, expensive road, and it doesn’t just affect you—it impacts your family, friends, work, everything. For some, it’s a need, not a choice. For me, it was more of a choice, something I had to try or I’d regret it forever. And I’m so glad I did, even with all the challenges.
I don’t hate the years I lived as a guy. They shaped me. But now, I get to pick what parts of me I keep and what I let go. I’m in charge of who I want to be, not what others expect. That’s what makes this journey wild—we can choose our path, not just follow what society or biology hands us. It’s like getting a deck of cards when you’re born. Sure, everyone’s deck is different, but who says you can’t grab a new one? Or deal yourself as many cards as you want until it feels right?
If you’re on this path or thinking about it, embrace it. Think it through, but don’t be afraid to try. It’s your life, and you get to decide who you are. I’m still a work in progress, and I’m cool with that.
Hope this helps you figure out your own journey.
Dr. Gwen Patrone
2 Responses
Hi Gwen,
As time progresses the situation has changed , at one time transition meant hormones followed by surgery but now it’s more of a spectrum . Full time hasn’t meant those steps for me but I’m glad I met people who had experienced them . What I learnt from them was those stages did not lead to utopia , they simply exchanged one set of circumsatnces for another . Their lives were no more straight forward than mine in fact they were possibly more confusing . When I changed my name officially the passport office needed proof I would not revert to a male name or marker , in fact I had to make almost thirty official changes with insurances , car and house ownership etc.
Changing my body was a personal choice which I debated about for some time , now age is against me . More important to me was being formally recognised and accepted as Teresa , I will state clearly that if I’m accused of crossdressing it is when I have to play grandpa for my grandsons twice a year which eventually will have to be resolved .
Perhaps I can still off the male presentation but I feel very awkward , uncomfortable and totally wrong , I try and avoid all visible contact with my neighbours for the sake of a few hours to see my son and grandsons .
Transition is more about being at peace mentally , the outer appearance is more of a diplay window for our inner feelings , it is that display we rely on to establish our identity with society .
I don’t have regrets about my male life , as you say we tend to play the cards we’re dealt often to please others rather than ourselves , so perhaps another definition for transition could simply read be HONEST and TRUTHFUL with yourself
Thanks for sharing your journey Gwen. I enjoy reading the various lives CD/TG lead.
We all have different journeys. And I occasionally share mine. We all learn and grow from sharing.
Thank you for all you do here in Kandi’s Land.
Jocelyn