The First Ever Girl’s Night Out …
I have to start this story in a completely unconnected, but surprisingly relevant, way.
Later this year we have a Disney trip planned, and one movie I’d never seen was Cars. Last weekend I changed that. Those of you that have seen the film may remember that at the start there is a beautifully crafted, very unsubtle but brief scene where the cars at the raceway are seen heading for the toilets. The men’s has a fast-moving line snaking straight inside (no pun intended … ok so sort of one …) while the women’s has a queue that extends for miles. I have now experienced that situation and I get it!
Standing in a queue at a women’s toilet with 20 other women is also an experience I never ever would have thought I’d have … More on that later!
I’m going to begin with the conclusion. More and more I’m realising the differences between all of us. Don’t get me wrong, I love every one of you, we are all awesome and I love the conversations here. But, I’m not trans, I don’t want to live my life as a woman and there is no other agenda here, or ever likely to be. I am as stereotypical hetero crossdresser as it gets. I only want to be a girl with girls, I want to embrace that side of my personality when I can (and make time for it, not take scraps of time) and I want to share it with trusted and close confidants who are women. For example, this morning I took my BFF to meet my makeup artist, and this weekend my original MUA is joining us at home for dinner. Neither involve dressing but both involve(d) lots of makeup and fashion discussions.
Maybe I should explain that better; my interests aren’t in physically meeting with lots of others in the same situation in social or support groups. For me it is all about being with the girls. That said, if ever I had the chance to attend one of the big CD social events in the US or UK, that would be fun, especially now I feel I can blend in with such a group. And I have select others in my situation I call friends and confidants that I share with (not least Kandi), and I love that, and the conversations we have, but again it comes back to why I do this and I have complete clarity on that.
I also find I have no interest in dressing and going out alone. It’s not that I’m afraid to, it’s just when handed the opportunity to do so it really hasn’t created the rush that time with the girls provides. Maybe that will change but it doesn’t feel like it.
I think that probably puts me in the minority here, and that’s ok. I get to enjoy all your adventures! And challenges.
For all those reasons it’s quite likely this will be my last article here. Not that I’m going anywhere, just the opposite; I spend more time on this site reading than ever. (And because of time differences I usually get to read the latest post first. Seldom have comments been added when I get to read!)
The reason for this development is that after my first really big night out I achieved something I wondered if I would ever be able to do. But I did. And more. And there really is no next level; it’s trying to match the last one. So, I’m probably at the end of what value I can add here with my writing. I achieved exactly what I set out to do. Conversely my dressing needs to be more often, it’s just that taking photos at home by myself, while still appealing, just isn’t what I see as my target now.
But of course, never say never. I might think of something else to write.
So, introduction done, let me tell you all about my night out!
After the two outings I wrote about previously, my darling, the MUA and one of her staff/friends agreed to be part of my first ever Girl’s Night. I tried to get everyone in Team Maddie on board, but not everyone could make it, life gets in the way.
Everything fell into place when I found a burlesque show playing in the city. Of all the places to go out to I figured it was likely the best choice. And so it proved, but don’t let me get ahead of myself with the story!
The plan was to do the night properly, so we booked a VIP table, which came with the added benefit that we would have it to ourselves. Of course, all the tables were packed tightly together but at least I didn’t have to explain myself to any random person on a shared table. So, what could go wrong?
What went wrong, sadly for the organisers and cast, is that the economy caught up with their usually sold-out season. That’s something everyone in hospitality is experiencing. We were given the option of our money back or moving to their one and only performance for the season a month later. There is no way we could let them down and not support them, and no way I wanted to miss my night out! In return for our support we were upgraded to a VVIP table on the front row.
And just to briefly switch back to male mode, I highly recommend a seat a few feet from the stage where talented, gorgeous, lithe, lightly dressed women are dancing with a very high skill level. Particularly if you can share it with someone who enjoys that too! (Although I’d suggest she enjoyed the males far more than I did. See? I rest my case; I’m a stereotype …)
Apparently, I may have been a bit grumpy over the delay though. Still, that’s not surprising is it girls – once we have an opportunity, so much planning is done and then the excitement builds. Not least either that I’d painted my toenails to perfection, (for once), and I’d have to do it again a month later … (open toe shoes planned). Then, of
course, I’d have to do all that shaving again … And, as mentioned earlier, this was my Everest. There wouldn’t be a higher peak to scale, just other peaks.
The day duly arrived and so started the four hours of preparation. Okay, five.
The plan was to meet at the MUA’s studio and go from there. Her friend would join us in the city. Plus, E was going to touch up my makeup errors before we Ubered to the venue. As it happened, she didn’t change a thing. Apparently, I did ok. She decided I didn’t need to add lashes, which I’d left for her to do, as I looked great. I was really disappointed about that. Lashes have a place not far behind wigs, heels, lippy and false nails in the order of feel-good changes we make. I’ll make sure I do them myself for the next Girl’s Night.
After a quick bite we were on our way. New experience one – being one of the girls picked up by an Uber! We were a few minutes early to the venue. Actually, they opened the doors late, we were on time, so that meant standing around on the street for a while. Next new experience – nowhere to hide on the street! Our fourth arrived and she was lovely. And definitely a party girl! Team Maddie now had a new member. The street we were on was right in the centre of what you would call the LGBT, (and all those other letters), area of the city, so I wasn’t really out of place, particularly with a drag show next door.
Eventually we made our way in, then up two flights of stairs in heels. Add that to the experience list! We were directed to our table (#1) and were soon joined by the owner (and she is the host and also a dancer) where she introduced herself (she’s also a media star in NZ so I already knew her work) and started asking us questions about ourselves and about our night out. I could see this going very bad, very fast!
Fortunately, an Asian guy on the next table made himself conspicuous and that’s all it needs to be the one (good-naturedly!) picked on … And the hen’s night party were also a great target!
The place was completely packed and I felt totally at ease – my darling even had her hand on my stocking-clad leg most of the night. We relaxed, we drank cocktails and I became one of the girls for the duration, and it was awesome! I really couldn’t have had a better experience.
The show was high-class, high-tempo and thoroughly enjoyable. I’ve yet to work out whether I should be worried that my darling threw flowers on to the stage for the male dancers! Just kidding, of course not! She was enjoying herself albeit feeling a touch overdressed, in the way that something black, slinky and sexy would have been a better choice if she had realised the extent of what her night would be! And then with her hot pink lipstick! Actually, I stole her hot pink lipstick and sourced matching nail polish! I’ll never rock it as well as her, but it wasn’t bad …
And then it was intermission. N and I joined the rush to the toilets. Standing in that line of maybe 20 women, all looking at each other and most undoubtedly clocking me, was an interesting experience. Would anyone say anything? Send daggers? I wouldn’t have expected so in the LGBT (and all those other letters) centre of the city.
But, as it happened, I would never know, as a guy walked past and told the throng that the men’s was empty. N and I, being at the back of the queue, got there first. And in my only tip of the hat to being sensible, I told her to let me go first. It was much easier if the situation changed. Yep, another experience! What would I have done if it was perhaps a stage show in another part of the city? I really don’t know. Crossed my legs?
Then, after the second half of the show, the time came for the action that gave this piece its name. And yes, I really did it! As part of the VIP experience, each table were invited on to the stage to have their photo taken with the cast. Remember we were table #1 … And yes, in front of a couple of hundred people, or more, N and I went up on that stage and posed for the photo.
And that dear readers, produced the highlight of my night – there was a sort of love-fest on the stage, with several of the girls telling me how good I looked, while we told them how fantastic the show was. And look, having several hot, scantily clad and talented women tell me how good I looked was lovely, and I appreciated that they appreciated my efforts, but you know, let’s put a proper perspective on it – I did great within physical and practical limits, but wow, they were what we probably all aspire to appear like.
But they were all lovely people and I reckon having a drink with them after the show would have been great fun!
And that just left the trip back in the Uber, after which I got to drive home in heels (why am I always the designated driver …) which I actually love to do. Fortunately, there were no police checkpoints on our route, not for drinking reasons, rather that I wouldn’t have wanted to produce my licence. Still, it’s risk and reward isn’t it, and the night was a hugely rewarding one that was everything I could possibly ask for.
Now I have a problem; what’s next? Nothing will ever top that. You never forget your first!
And there just isn’t anything really suitable at the moment. We have a movie night coming up at a local boutique theatre that does a Girl’s Night, but outside of that I’ve been struggling to put together an alternative night to suit my other wing women, around their availability, (and there’s a new woman that is being added to the circle), so we might just have a girls night at home – dress up, drinking, snacks and movie. The last bit is the easiest decision – the greatest movie ever made is Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris. Every time we watch it we pick up a bit more history. The girls will love it.
But outside of that I’ll keep making time for Maddie. My original MUA has invite me around to her studio for a fun session of what she calls ‘creative play’. Not as a job, just
as the two of us having fun doing smoky eyes! How lucky am I. And I also have another makeover booked for a time in the near future. I wanted to try someone new outside my comfort zone to see if there are any new ideas that I can add to the repertoire.
So, lots to look forward to! Now work just has to play ball. Did someone mention tariffs?
10 Responses
Maddie, the evening out sounds amazing and I think there will be a fair degree of envy amongst those reading it.
I would however like to pick up on a couple of points you made in your preamble:
‘… it’s quite likely this will be my last article here.’
‘… I’m probably at the end of what value I can add here with my writing.’
Please don’t underestimate the impact you have. The majority of posts here could be paraphrased to ‘I got my femme on, I went out, everyone treated me as they would treat any woman, I had an amazing time’. But that’s the whole point. But there are also nuances – I joined the cohort here as a deeply closeted CDer and would read Kandi’s posts every day and think that I could never do what she does. But I could identify with other contributors here and it was those that finally got me to fling open the front door and mingle in society as my feminine alter ego. To get dressed and not want to go out is unthinkable these days. But in overcoming those hurdles, I was then able to look at Kandi’s posts in a different light. I could still never do much of what is second nature to her but reading about the love she receives makes me want to be in situations where something similar may happen to me.
Or to put it another way, reading your post today made me want to hear more about your flavour of life. Maybe I won’t want to go to a Burlesque show but I’d definitely love to have the experience of being out with a ‘gang’ of women out for a good time! And while I’m waiting for that, I love reading the experiences of others.
And to pick up on another point you made – ‘…this was my Everest. There wouldn’t be a higher peak to scale, just other peaks.’ – don’t forget that whilst Everest is the highest, other mountains have more challenging ascents. When I went to BWBG nearly four years ago, I remember saying to Cindy that I thought that it could be Amanda’s swansong – I’d finally been able to see and experience what I’d been dreaming of for most of my life and I couldn’t see how anything else could compare. And yet looking back now, I can see that BWBG was the start of my adventures, not the end of them. Because in the end, amazing experiences open doors – I thought I could never achieve what Cindy did at BWBG which is true – she’s a professional MUA and one of the best at MTF transformations in the world – but then I started to wonder how far I could get on my own. The answer to that is well documented here.
So I would assert that once the euphoric fog of your experience clears, you’ll see even bigger adventures waiting to be experienced and we want to hear about them!
As usual, thank you Amanda for your well chosen words. I guess that because writing has been part of what I do and my income at various times, I need to write with passion and excitement while feeling like I’m making a difference. So with Everest done, I’m looking for directions to K2. Maybe there’s a story about that journey in the future. Speaking of Everest, I did once sit on Sir Edmond Hillary’s lounge floor, drinking tea and eating scones, regaled by his tales. Now that was a story …
But back to recent events. Last night was girl’s night, this afternoon I met with the MUA and played with smoky eyes. All good fun, but not a story. I’ll keep looking for one!
I beg to differ! How many of us ever get to sit down and play around with makeup with a professional? In most cases it’s not the story that’s important (and we can often guess what’s it’s going to be just from knowing who the author is) but the little nuggets – the things that happen because of who and what we are – therein that captivate.
Impressed with your Sir Edmund story! I once saw Sir Ranulph Fiennes speak (at a conference, not sitting on his lounge floor, though) but quite a bit of his presentation was about how he lost the tips of his fingers to frostbite which put me off any thoughts of expeditioning (not that I had any in the first place!).
Thanks again Amanda. While I have always wanted to use a transformation service and would still like to do so one day, making friends with my MUAs has been one of the very best parts of this whole experience. And friends we really are – one went to the girls night with us on Wednesday and the other gave me a couple of hours of her time yesterday, and a very cool eye shadow collection amongst other things, and I can, and do, talk about anything with them.
I’ve found almost unconditional support from the professionals I’ve contacted and then explained what I’m after. And well, good people just become friends, don’t they … I still remember how scary it was to press send on that very first email, now nearly four years ago, but if I hadn’t I would have had the awesome experience I enjoyed yesterday. And that’s about the only piece of advice I’m qualified to give here – just do it! The rewards are amazing.
I’ll keep looking for more things to write about …
Also, I must proofread my responses better …
Maddie,
Being one of the girls is a dream for most of us , we all have different ways in achieving it .
Socialising with other like minded CDers and transgender people can be an intro into the world we really desire . My first Xmas party was possibly my Everest then because I mixed openly with members of society , we ate , drank and danced with them , it was my first taste of realising I can do this and I knew I wanted more . It didn’t matter if it was a small grassy hillock or another mountain , there was always another to scale to reach the highs of how I felt .
At first I didn’t really know if I wanted to do it full time perhaps the penny dropped when I didn’t want to enjoy these moments as a man there is no comparison .
I don’t have a problem waiting in line for the ladies toilets but I usually sneak out before the interval , I sometimes feel guilty when leaving the cubicle to find a line waiting for me to finish , so I usually apologise and squeeze through to wash my hands and leave as quickly as possible , under those circumstances I never linger to check my makeup or hair in the mirror . I will add I’ve never had a problem or comments , if i do get looked up and down it’s more to do with what I’m wearing .
Maddie I hope you continue to contribute here , we mustn’t forget many read Kandi’s Land without our knowledge because they have so many fears , if we help one our post hasn’t been wasted .
I always love your replies Teresa! Sneaking out early – brilliant! I’ll remember that!
And you help me get clarity every time I read your comments, which I really appreciate. This time the key one for me is that I don’t want to enjoy those moments as a man either, but, I want to revert back and remember them as one.
At a different time and place I’d have loved to be in your position, but for this life and this time I’m very much in my zone.
I’m perfectly happy with every part of my life, fortunate beyond measure to have a wife who is not only supportive but part of this (and also, how many wives would let someone spend a few hours at another women’s home studio playing with makeup …) and fully appreciative of how good things are at the moment (well apart from work being an issue but I’m on to fixing that) As long as we all stay healthy then everything is perfect!
But your final point is one not to be glossed over – as we start to get better at what we do we sometimes forget the basics and the others that are where we were not so long ago. You may just have sown a seed …
Maddie,
You are the fortunate one because you share these wonderful moments with someone close and despite all still love each other .
This brings me back to the basic question , ” What do they fear ?” Your wife must have certain reservations and possibly some fears but she can obviously see beyond them . What we feel and what we do does without doubt make us better people to know , perhaps that is what I now resent about my situation , my ex couldn’t see the real me and appreciate me as the true person , she was determined to hold onto her image of me .
“At a different time and place you’d love to be in my situation ” , I was only thinking about that earlier today . In reality I was possibly the last person you would expect to transition , there were too many obstacles but I knew the truth , I had to make it happen , the life we live now is not a rehearsal we can only live it once . Life is not easy so if we can reach our goal I feel it’s important to share it with others , our strength comes from knowledge , thankfully we have Kandi’s Land to pass that knowledge on . Kandi may admit to her weaknesses but in doing so she gives strength to others , thanks again Kandi .
This was such a fun read, Maddie—and honestly, kind of inspiring. That first big night out energy? You captured it perfectly. I felt like I was right there with you, lipstick matching my nails and nerves fluttering the whole way to the stage.
And I really appreciated your introduction. I respect where you’re coming from, even though my experience is very different. I’m not a hetero crossdresser, and reading your reflections gave me insight into a perspective I rarely get to hear. That kind of honesty—about your identity, your boundaries, your joy—is so valuable. It reminds me how unique each of our journeys really is.
Even if you don’t post often, I really hope you keep writing. Your voice adds something important here. 💖
Michelle, I REALLY appreciate your comments!
As a stalker on your site (I only read two blogs regularly, yours and Kandi’s, and I must really get around to subscribing, it’s not really cheating on Kandi if I do is it …) and seeing the honesty and openness you bring to that, your opinion is particularly valuable, and further reinforces for me how much we are all the same but different!
So thank you!
And yes, nothing like matching nails and lipstick! I did the same for girl’s night this week but with the added advantage that I tested a new technique and now know how to stop the lipstick bleeding. Yay! My photos will improve 1000% now …