By Lisa P.
Compliments are like diamonds – a girl can never get too many of them. Kandi has mentioned many times the compliments she receives when she is volunteering or interacting with civilians. Recently, I experienced a very simple example. The other day I did some window shopping for bikinis, went to a local TJ Maxx and Barnes & Noble to shop, and also went to the post office to fill out a “mail hold” card for my summer vacation. The photo below is from the shopping leg of the trip. You can see the dress I wore for the outing. It looks like it is covered in polka dots, but in fact the dots are small stars. The dress is super comfortable – great for a day out shopping and running errands, even if it isn’t the most figure-pleasing.
My interactions with civilians was very good in all respects (many smiles, as well as “hello ma’am” and “thank you, ma’am”), but the most meaningful was the older woman (wearing a mask — whereas I was not) who I made eye contact with as I exited the post office. She made a simple remark — “I like your dress” — as I walked out the door of the post office.
Complimenting someone in this manner is the type of gesture women do so well, and something I need to remind myself to do more often. Either she read me and was affirming who I was as a transgender woman, or she didn’t read me and simply liked the dress and thought it was worthy of comment. If the former, she was an ally, and that possibility made me feel good. If the latter, she was indirectly complimenting me on my good taste, and that possibility made me feel good. All in all, a simple gesture, but an important one! In related incidents, I have received two compliments in the past year from women on my hair. Did they know I was wearing a wig (my wigs are high quality, so perhaps not) and/or did they know I am TG (possibly…likely)? Either way it was still a compliment. I like my hair too and I enjoyed someone else saying they liked the color and styling, even if technically speaking the hair is not my own.
These experiences have reminded me of the importance of giving compliments, however I am presenting. The joy of being a female is that I can offer compliments to other women without any resulting threat, misunderstanding or sexual innuendo. “I love that skirt” is easy to say if it is a genuine sentiment, but not so easy if I am attired as a male. Recently I did blurt out how attractive a colleague’s blouse was, and immediately realized that it was received as a “weird” comment from a guy (even a male of the “touch feely” variety). But, as it was an isolated event, I believe she (and the others who heard it) did not read too much into it. Isn’t it too bad, however, that I must be on guard not to utter honest appraisals like that while attired as a male? As a woman, I can do it as much as a like.
The point of this short essay is simply to remind all of us girls to compliment the women in our lives and the women we interact with. We like it, they like, so let’s resolve to do it more!
23 Responses
Beautiful picture and beautiful outing 💕
I love that dress! Where did you get it?
I got it in the UK, at a TK Maxx (same as TJ Maxx in the States). It was about 15 pounds, so a bit more than $20 at the time. It’s just super practical.
I don’t you will want to publish this , but after seeing you repeat the same mistake time and again I can no longer stay quiet.
When someone tells you your hair is nice, or that the colour of your dress suits you, they are paying you a compliment – with an “i”
When your shoes go well with your dress and make you more attractive, the shoes complement the dress, with an “e”
In her piece LisaP has it right. I presume you supplied the title as it contains your usual confusion over these two words:-
Compliments -´saying nice things
Complements – things go well together, enhancing each other
Sylvia, Yes, I will run it. By the way, you made a mistake in what you typed saying “I don’t you will want to publish this”.
We all make mistakes, I do this to help people and am so sorry I offended you. Also, we spell “colour” as “color” here in the US.
I might suggest you no longer have my blog create such irritation for you. Yes, I made the mistake in the title and have corrected it. Thanks for your support!
Well said Kandi. I am in no doubt that all of us have been criticised for being who we are and what we are, and have little need for criticism of a spelling mistakes. More so when the criticiser herself makes her own error!!!
The irony of it all! Thanks Faye!!
Lisa, the dress is beautiful and the picture is fantastic. Just the thing for a day of shopping.
You are sweet to say that. I wasn’t fishing for compliments, but did cast my line in the water with that essay, I suppose!
Lisa
Obviously, Sylvia is a Canadian snob. Our country is full of them.
God bless you dear!!
Can’t we all get along?? ❤️💕
I wish that world existed!
forget about if the remark is because you look nice or are a TG. Too much insecurity,looking over the shoulder etc.Have to get that out of your mind,consider yourself a woman and forget the TG stuff.Just go with it like any woman would
Lisa,
What a nice story. It is very illustrative on how being out and about is reassuring.
I love your casual style.
Jocelyn
Jocelyn,
Seems like a century ago. I don’t think I have worn that dress since, since it doesn’t really flatter my figure, although it is super comfortable.
Being out and about is super fun, because being me just feels right!
Lisa
Lisa,
You make a very good point about the difference between a guy passing comment and woman , why is it so wrong to accept a genuine comment from a man ? Actually some men may choose not to comment but instead follow you , I’ve had this few times in supermarkets .
Perhaps the one I didn’t expect was when I asked in Matalan to try on a swim suit ( obviuosly I was Teresa ) , I’d known the SA for a while so she offered to give me her opinion , it was a black one piece with a skirt . I slipped it on in the changing cubicle and popped my head out the curtain to find her but she had been called back into the shop so I decided to step into the shop and there she stood with two work colleagues . When she saw me she smiled and gave me the thumbs up , as I returned to the changing area a lady looked me up and down and sighed saying , ” I wish I had your figure !” I nearly opened my mouth to say , ” I’m not quite what you think I am !” instead I just told her figure was lovely , what was she worried about .
I also love your dress , a great standby in any wardrobe , I have three similar styled dresses but in different colours from Bonmarche I can dress them up or dress them down either way I get nice compliments .
I’m never very succesful with shopping in TK Maxx I often go round the racks and walk out empty handed , Matalan is next door and I often find something in the racks .
Teresa,
I am surprised you haven’t had success at TK Maxx. I had three different ones within short tube rides from my London address, and I nearly always found something I liked.
You are right about being followed. I never went back to one store where it happened. The fellow “hailed me” from the rear and when I ignored him, said “there’s no reason to be rude!” I ask you, which one of us was being rude?
Thank you for the lovely vignette regarding your bathing suit purchase. How delightful to be complimented on your figure. An older woman’s dream!
Lisa
Lisa,
I agree, compliments are great to receive but we must also return the compliments. I know I now ‘careful’ compliment women on different things more than I use to.
I get many random compliments on my heels and nails, and sometimes on my clothing. It feels good, but sometimes it can be embarrassing. Last week in a room with over 300 people, the on stage speaker pointed me out and told the crowd she loved my sherpa. At the same time, I felt both happy for the acknowledgement and a little embarrassed.
Cali
Cali,
I totally understand not wanting to be pointed out to 300 people simultaneously (all eyes on Cali). Yikes! I am sure you handled the situation with grace.
I also compliment little girls frequently. That is also something only Lisa can do. And the compliments are always received with real joy, so I love giving them.
Lisa
Lisa you look lovely! I first went out shopping in the early 80s. Needless to say things were different back then. I had some negative experiences and a few positive ones. As the years went by, things got better. I love going out shopping and getting my hair and nails done. If I get a funny look I ignore it and enjoy being me. Keep doing what you are doing. Life is Short.
Lisa, I have had similar experience going out and it is always so nice. Most people treat my as a woman, even in this time of increasing intolerance. I always make eye contact and smile. We just have to be who we are, and be aware of our surrounding and we should be OK. You dress and hair look lovely. We are a wonderful community and I love you all.
Julie,
Thank you for your nice comment. I no longer wear wigs (I gave them up almost two years ago), but thank you for the compliment on my hair anyway. We all work hard on our presentations.
I am just so delighted to know you are treated well. May it continue while there are dark clouds!!
Lisa