I was searchin’ (searchin’) on a one-way street
I was hopin’ (hopin’) for a chance to meet
I was waitin’ for the operator on the line
(She’s gone so long) what can I do?
(Where could she be?) no, no, no
Don’t know what I’m gonna do
I gotta get back to you
You gotta slow down (slow down)
Sweet talkin’ woman (slow down)
You got me runnin’ (run, run), you got me searchin’
Hold on (hold on)
Sweet talkin’ lover (hold on)
It’s so sad if that’s the way it’s over
(Sweet talkin’ woman)
From the spectacular double album, 1978, Out of The Blue by the equally spectacular Electric Light Orchestra. This day, September 6, 2026, I attended a concert by a great tribute band, Into the Blue (although I will butcher the band name in the video to follow here), honoring ELO.
A better time, on so many levels, could not have been had!
- Great friends ✔️.
- Great music ✔️.
- The best time doing my makeup, etc. ✔️
- Spectacular weather ✔️.
- Loving my look ✔️.
- Alcohol (bought for me) ✔️.
But we digress… My friend Jim and his boyfriend Doug and I went to see this great tribute band, and they were really very good. Hard to do ELO and they pulled it off with two violinists and a cello player! Our seats were literally next to the stage, so much so that I was actually hard to see all of the band. I was in my element and my company and fellow table members (whom we did know previously know) made the afternoon all the better.
Afterward, we hit Shooters on a humidity free day, with the air show buzzing overheard and boats (with very pretty women on board) all about!
A brief word about my outfit. I have been obsessed with Facebook Reels on wardrobe hacks, and this look is my own spin on that. The blouse itself is pretty, but the girls were not on display. Using my bra and some tucking (not that kind of tucking!), viola! A completely different neckline and the girls got out to play. How’d we do?
R E S P E C T
Thanks Aretha!
I am speaking only for me and I am speaking from significant personal experience. The usual disclaimer here: Your results and/or experience may vary.
When I am out, I expect one thing: respect. I don’t seek it. I do not demand it. I simply expect it and I can say with all honesty, I get that 99.9999% of the time.
What I am not concerned about is if I “pass”. I don’t care if I am perceived to be a cis woman. I am not trying to represent the trans community in an overt way. I believe just navigating the world as I do is the best form of representation. I am not concerned if someone is wondering, has a question, if they need to know more about me. Certainly if I am questioned about anything, I am happy to respond. But I don’t feel the need to educate everyone that comes into contact with me.
Simply going about one’s day, presenting as they wish, without any negative feedback is a win for our peers. And doing this time after time after time is simply a continuance of slowly breaking down stereotypical thoughts and beliefs.
So what do I consider respect? Simply not noticing me is respect. Saying nothing to me is respect. Smiling at me is respect. Of course, a direct complement is respect. Just respect my right to exist and to exist in a manner that makes me happy and harms no one.
For the most part, I get complete respect from the general public. No matter who you are, evil will always exist, always has, always will. No matter who you are, how you dress, you will not eliminate it. It’s a risk all humans face each and every day.
So when I am out, it never even crosses my mind if that person perceives me to be a woman. I don’t think about passing. I don’t feel obligated to educate anyone who isn’t asking any questions. I am just me. A kind, giving person who will help her fellow human being when she can and respect those that disagree or dislike her by not forcing anything down their throats.
If all human respected all other humans, problems solved! Will that ever universally happen? Of course not, it never has and it never will. But that should never stop us from trying. Small victories, occurring every second of every day, are still victories. Seek those, find them, make them happen.
Take it from here Aretha…….
And now, here is our genial hostess lip syncing you out…
One Response
Kandi,
The one sad aspect of earning the respect you describe is only found through continued periods or hopefully full time exposure . It doesn’t happen overnight , it comes with the build up of confidence , belief in yourself and a thick skin .
Perhaps I slightly disagree because from my own experience we are always noticed but I mean that in a positive way . While you feel you don’t pass , the truth is you possibly do to the majority of people you meet because they see more female telltales than male . On the whole people don’t to meet a guy dressed as a woman everyday , so they don’t expect it , they will give you the benefit of the doubt . I know I’ve earned their respect because people trust me , OK that comes with responsibilities but I don’t mind that because I’ve been allowed to become involved in other people’s lives , I’m proud to be part of society as Teresa .