October is here, that magical month where the air gets crisp, leaves turn fiery, and we all gear up for Halloween. Pumpkins on porches, spooky decorations everywhere, and of course, costumes. But let’s pause for a second—don’t we all wear costumes of our own design every single day? Not the fun, store-bought kind with capes or masks, but the ones we build ourselves.
Those invisible outfits we put on to fit in, to hide parts of who we are, or to protect ourselves from the world’s judgments. Sometimes they’re like a prison, trapping us inside, keeping the real us locked away. Other times, they’re armor, shielding us from hurt or misunderstanding.
As a transgender woman, I’ve thought about this a lot. For years, I wore a costume that wasn’t me at all. It was this heavy, uncomfortable shell designed by expectations—family, society, even my own fears. I hid behind it, spilling out anger or frustration when life bumped into me, like that old story of the monk and his students carrying cups.
What spills out when you’re jostled shows what’s really inside, right? Mine was a mix of confusion and pain, because I wasn’t living as my true self.
But here’s the thing: I chose to make my “costume” permanent. Not in a fake way, but by shedding the old one and stepping into the real me. It took years of soul-searching, therapy, hormones, surgeries—heck, it cost me six figures and more emotional energy than I can count.
I moved from New York to Florida, explored my identity during those lonely COVID days in a van that became my transformation space. I built confidence, found love with my wife of 35+ years and my two children.
It was like applying that quantum observer effect to my life—watching myself closely, tracking habits, and visualizing the woman I knew I was meant to be. Or channeling Yoda’s wisdom: “Do or do not, there is no try.” I had to do what was “not me” at first, stepping out of my bubble for radical change in mind, body, and spirit.
Transitioning isn’t just about the outside—it’s mental, spiritual, physical growth all rolled into one. I learned to disconnect from others’ opinions, like those debates around folks who disagree with my lifestyle but don’t cross into hate.
It’s freeing to realize perception is all in the brain; we can challenge biases, embrace empathy, and rewrite our stories. Now, I see myself as a unicorn in this community—unique, sparkling, turning what could be vulnerabilities into superpowers.
This October, as you pick out your Halloween getup, think about the costumes you’re wearing year-round.
Are they holding you back or setting you free? For me, releasing the new me was the best decision ever. It’s turned my life into something passionate and sensual, like my Sexy Chef vibes—(launching on TikTok and IG soon ) experimenting with flavors, textures, and colors in the kitchen as acts of love and indulgence.
Life’s too short to stay hidden.
If you’re on a similar journey or just pondering your own “costume,” drop a comment.
Let’s chat—no judgments, just support. Who’s with me in making this month about unmasking our true selves? 🎃✨
Dr. Gwen Patrone
#TransJourney #OctoberReflections #BeYourTrueSelf
One Response
Gwen,
Some would have us believe we are swapping our old reality into a costumed lifestyle , as you comment those people are best left behind , we waste thought and effort trying to persude them how wrong they are .
I consider the ” old coustume more as a male straightjacket we finally found a way of escaping from , annoyingly i have to dig out that costume a couple of times a year if I wish to see my grandsons . The last time I really did feel like an alien , the clothes felt awkward and uncomfortable , I tried to avoid my neighbours but when driving away one did wave , I looked straight ahead without acknowledging her .
Here in the UK Halloween is not so celebrated so when our social group asked if we would dress for it I decided not to , then someone pointed out that it was close to Trafalgar Day . My mind went into gear thinking of ways to celebrate it , so it meant a bit of flag waving with a show of Union Jacks . The obvious choice was a Spice Girl outfit , so I bought a dress , and hat and a really nice sequined bag with a flag design , some earrings and then made a choker and bracelet , the shoes were aptly called ” Sailing ” . I can’t attach a picture here but Kandi has it somewhere in her archives , what a fun outfit but freezing to wear !
As for holding back , NO I keep pushing the envelope , if you don’t try you will never succeed !