Let’s take another look at this one. In case you haven’t noticed, the outings have become more sparse of late. Just life getting in the way, weather making it less attractive to go out and me running out of ideas of things to do.
This is the absolute key, you must love yourself! Listen, it took me almost 50 years to figure this all out but really, think about it. It is very difficult to give and receive love if you don’t love yourself. As I look back in hindsight, I really didn’t love myself until I finally admitted that I am in fact, a crossdresser and as an admitted crossdresser, I have become happy and fulfilled (well, it appears I have moved beyond that now). That love allowed me to prosper in so many different ways, most of which I have talked about here.
Easy to do? No. But think about it, you get one chance at all of this, you are the best person to love yourself (yeah, I know, you are the only person, by definition, to love yourself). That good feeling about yourself really opens you up to the world. You are now not beating yourself up for your feelings, you are not behind the eight ball, so to speak, as you approach the world. Once I found that I am truly a worthwhile person, began loving who I was, I developed a great view on the world. It just changed overnight. I no longer focus on the negative, I see and experience the positive, the love that exists in this world. But it started with me.
This seems obvious, but as we all know, the guilt associated with our feelings throws a pall over how we view things. For me, it was like wearing sunglasses indoors. Everything was grey, dark. Sure I had happiness in my life, but that happiness was the result of an external stimulus. Now I come from a place that starts with internal happiness and life flows from there. The sun shines on me and it is spectacular!
Ladies, stop beating yourself up and embrace who you are, a glorious person who deserves to be happy. I am far from perfect in this regard. I still have my WTF moments, certainly not as many, but they still exist.
Recently a reader reached out to say hello, as she lives in the same general vicinity as me. We went back and forth a bit and then she said (okay, wrote in the e-mail) that this was “her fault”. That bothered me. This is not a choice. None of us can ever shake it. We may manage it. We may resist, but it’s always there, even if we are able to push it to the back of our minds or bury it inside of it. It never leaves. This is not our fault, no more that it would be our fault to be born blind, with one hand, tall, red headed or anything else you can imagine.
6 Responses
Thank you Kandi! Sometimes things like this are exactly what I needed to hear (okay, read). I have wondered over and over and over and searched deep to find out if I did something wrong, what I could have done differently in my early life to not be this way. But like you said, you can smother and hide the feeling but it will never go away. The people I’ve met virtually, like you, who have accepted themselves for who they are and are are peace with it, seem to be some of the happiest people in the world to me.
Liz, Yes, self-acceptance has made me a very happy person, but it took my a good 50 years to get there.
We all have issues, every single one of us. This is our issue and once we realize that, we can move forward.
Thank you for being you!!
As always your insight is profound and right on the mark. I realize how many of us are encumbered by guilt and just as importantly by a lack of a sense of worth. I wish I could ‘package’ your exuberance. If I could I would have taken a large dose of it years ago and saved a lot of grief! Instead it took me over 70 years to come to grips with the most basic of truths, “If you can’t love yourself, how can you love others”!
It took you 70 years, me 50, 120 wasted years!!
Thanks my dear!!
Yes self acceptance is so important and when I found another site and saw so many dealing with what I did I began to realize I wasn’t alone.
It took a few more years but I finally knew this was who I was, a trans person and guess what that’s not a bad thing. Sure we are not a huge percentage of the population but we are here, and it’s just a fact,
So just be you and be safe and appropriate as our host blogger says
Love ya Kandi
This was me while I was reading this: 😊