WE’RE MORE THAN A SECRET 🤐

Why Trans People Deserve Real Connection

Hi everyone,

I want to talk about something that so many of us in the trans and crossdressing communities experience, but don’t always say out loud—it’s that deep feeling of loneliness, and the dream of being seen and/or loved for who we truly are, not just as a secret or a passing fantasy.

After chatting with hundreds of trans persons over many years, I’ve noticed over and over, whether chatting online or meeting in person, that finding true connection gets so much harder after we decide to transition or spend most of our time expressing our real selves.

The world’s dating pool seems to shrink, and so often the people who do show interest just want to keep things hidden. At first, it might feel a little special to be someone’s intrigue, but after a while, it leaves a real emptiness.

I’m somewhat of a rarity in that at almost 65 and married going on 35 years, my wife and I have fiund our happy place.

But as it relates to my writing today, I go out allot to all sorts of events, clubs etc. In five years, I’ve been asked to dance maybe 2-3 times by someone I didnt know. Buy me a drink to break the ice? Maybe once.

It’s not that I’m looking for anything but it sure would feel good to have it happen.

You realize that what you actually want is someone who deserves and desires the real you—who’s happy to hold your hand not just in private, but out in the open.

It’s heartbreaking to hear, again and again, that being loved in secret is just not enough. As much as people might say it doesn’t matter, it does. It cuts deep to feel invisible, to have your true self treated as something that can’t be shown to the world. That’s a hard burden to carry—and believe me, you’re not the only one feeling it.

I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer so here’s some uplifting solutions.

Sometimes, the best place to start healing that loneliness is by finding community—by surrounding yourself with people who truly understand, whether it’s online, at local meetups, or wherever you find comfort and acceptance.

Real friendships, with people who see you, can be powerful medicine. They remind you that you have value, that you are seen and appreciated, and that you don’t have to go through this alone.

It’s also perfectly okay to set boundaries with people who want to keep you a secret. If “discreet” means you end up feeling invisible, you have every right to want more for yourself and to let others know that. Seeking respect and openness isn’t asking too much—it’s what you deserve.

Another thing that can help is pouring your energy into things that lift you up, whether that’s hobbies, new skills, or self-care. When you invest in yourself, some of those empty spaces start to fill up with confidence and joy, reminding you that your worth isn’t decided by anyone else.

Most importantly: if someone can only see you as a secret or a private fantasy, that’s a limit on their side, not a reflection of who you are.

There are people out there—friends and partners both—who will be proud to stand beside you. You may not meet them right away, but that doesn’t mean they’re not out there.

In the meantime, supporting each other, sharing our stories, and being there for one another can make the loneliness less overwhelming.

So to anyone out there who feels like you’re always on the sidelines, hidden away, or longing for something deeper—As my good friend Tammy De Mirza #tammydemirza says to me often, “I see you.” Tammy is a world-class intuitive and author of the book, “Superpowers Unleashed“. Check it out on Amazon.

I know you’re not alone. We all deserve a connection that’s real, respectful, and open. Don’t give up on that hope. And on the hard days, lean on the community and remember: you are absolutely worth it.

Dr. Gwen Patrone
#SuperPowersUnleashed
#tammydemirza