A few years ago, I heard a story, probably apocryphal but funny all the same, about a woman of advanced years who settled down to relax and listen to the radio. She turned on, presumably, BBC Radio 4 (a talk only station for those of you outside the UK) and was shocked by what she heard. After only four words – ‘great tits like coconuts’ – intoned by the male presenter, she turned the radio off in disgust and instead used her leisure time to pen a letter to the BBC complaining about the smut she had heard. The reply back from the BBC went something along the lines of ‘Dear madam, thank you for your letter. Whilst we understand your concern, had you continued to listen you would have realised that it was a programme suggesting ways to attract birdlife to your garden’.
That was quite a boob on her part! And given both my track record here and the fact that I’ve already woven three veiled mentions of a certain anatomical feature of women into just the title and first two paragraphs, you’ve probably already ‘BUSTed’ me and guessed what this post is about. And, for avoidance of doubt, unlike her misinterpretation of what our hapless friend heard when she turned on her radio, her suspicions would have been bang on here.
I’ve been in the Kandi’s Land cohort for over four years and have probably read something in the region of 1,500 posts during that time, around 90 of which at the time of writing have been mine. But few have ever gone anywhere near one of the most obvious signs of womanhood and by the time I get to the end of this one, I’ll probably understand why. Anyway, as I’m never one to shy away from a dive into the murkier waters of our life, here goes.
How to fake a ‘bust’ is one of the earliest dilemmas we face. We sneak into our mother’s or sister’s bedroom, a veritable Aladdin’s cave of goodies and, after checking that the coast is clear, we’re soon wearing her clothes and, if our feet are still small enough, discovering the joy of high heels. It’s an intoxicating moment, supercharged with emotion. But in amongst that, we face a challenge. Things ‘downstairs’ can be tucked away out of sight and whilst the result still doesn’t look like the real thing, the flatness down there still gives us a tantalising view of what we’d be like if we’d been born on the other side of Gender Street. The bra, on the other hand, gives no such insight, just a couple of empty cups that most of us are anatomically incapable of filling.
I guess that many of us resorted to a couple of rolled up socks – I certainly did – and apart from doing a reasonable job of mimicking what nature deprived us of they have the distinct advantage that they can never be seen as evidence of crossdressing unlike other things that we think we’ve hidden until they’re discovered. When it’s time to change back, they’re just returned to their rightful place – on our feet, in the sock drawer or on the washing pile – and no one will ever be any the wiser.
Socks served me well for many years. Under a padded bra, they were fine and did the job. But I found myself wanting something a little more reliable, particularly after I acquired a pocket bra which lacked padding. After a bit of research, I found that many in my position used feet cut from tights/ pantyhose filled with rice or birdseed (the latter somewhat ironic given how this particular post started!). As rice is about the cheapest thing you can buy in the local supermarket – around 50p for a 1 kg bag containing more than enough for what I needed – I took the plunge, weighing quan-titties (veiled mention number 4 – sorry!) carefully to ensure that I had a matching pair. And, though I say it myself, the end result looked pretty good and was able to fill out my pocket bra reasonably well.
However, I soon started to realise the inherent disadvantages in the design. The first is that they don’t naturally mimic the anatomical feature they’re designed to replace. And this meant that they not only needed adjustment when first put on but also needed constant maintenance during the day. That’s fine when staying at home but rather unbecoming when out and about and trying to project a demure image. And then there are hugs. So far, I’ve only been on the receiving end of a couple – I have no idea what the other parties made of the unfamiliar sensation of a couple of rice filled bags pressing against their own genuine ones, they were too polite to say anything, but it must have felt weird. It may also have sounded slightly weird as they do make a similar noise to walking on gravel when squeezed, albeit much quieter.
And that was the point when I started to realise that they were perhaps no longer appropriate and may even be letting me down.
I briefly toyed with the idea of water filled balloons and have heard of others who have used these to great effect. They have a distinct advantage over my ‘ricies’ in that they do naturally take something approaching a boob-like shape and can also replicate the authentic ‘jiggle’. I did seriously consider going down that route and figured that spending a few pounds on a good quality packet of balloons would remove the risks inherent with poor standards of quality control in Chinese made ones bought from Poundland. But as my motto is ‘even when the odds of something bad happening are a million to one, it’s the one you have to worry about, not the million’ and whilst I’d be unlikely to inadvertently walk into a local pub while they were hosting a blindfold darts tournament, it was a risk I wasn’t prepared to take.
That really left me with two options. I quickly decided against surgery. Without a doubt the results would have looked amazing but I do have Mrs A to consider and DADT would be a lot more difficult to navigate if, all of a sudden, I grew a pair, so to speak. Added to which, BA surgery isn’t cheap so the idea never really got off the ground. So there was only one choice remaining.
I have to say that I’m not entirely aligned with Amazon’s modus operandi. Granted, their logistics are fantastic but online shopping in general and Amazon in particular has decimated our local high street, helped in no small part by covid which either directly caused the demise of shops that couldn’t open for several weeks during lockdown or indirectly after people got lazy and realised it was easier to get stuff delivered by Amazon than get off their backsides and go shopping. But for CDers, Amazon is a godsend. Purchases can be delivered to local lockers and collected when the coast is clear. Shoes are available in sizes above the normal upper limit of bricks ‘n’ mortar shops and return is easy if whatever you’ve bought doesn’t fit. And that’s before we factor in ‘specialist’ items for CDers that, without going into too much detail, help in masking those parts of our anatomy that need masking. And as they sell silicone breast forms, I decided to take the plunge!
Something that characterised my rolled up socks & ‘ricies’ and also, presumably, water filled balloons is that we are in complete control over the size. Want to fill out the bra a little bit more? Just use two or three socks instead of one or add more rice or water (or birdseed) until the desired size is achieved. But looking at Amazon, would a 400g pair be sufficient or do I need at least 1500g? Is 1000g going to be just right or will anything less than 2000g be a disappointment? Probably the only thing I was certain about was that the 6000g KK sized forms, while undoubtedly looking magnificent when in place, were probably heavier than my back could stand for more than a minute or two so after quite a lot of deliberation, I shelled out £29.95 for the 1000g pair which were delivered to the local locker a few days later.
Wow!
Not to put too fine a point on it, these beauties are an absolute game changer as far as I’m concerned. Their teardrop shape gives a profile that my socks or ‘ricies’ could never achieve and their combined weight of 1kg (2.2lbs) feels both reassuringly heavy and light enough not to be a problem for extended wear. Inside the pocket bra, they’re completely invisible and that means that they look and feel completely real (well I assume they feel completely real given that I have no benchmark from which to judge) with a nicely reassuring bounce as I walk. They fill out clothes perfectly and I no longer have the worry that I’ll need to furtively reshape them while passers-by look on with incredulity. I’ve even felt brave enough to buy a V-necked dress; I’ve not yet tried to fake a cleavage but even so, they give no clues that they’re anything other than the real deal.
So the upshot is that I’m a very happy girl and my only regret is that I didn’t get them sooner. But that said, it would be wrong to assume that everything is going to be A-OK with them. First of all, I’m fully aware that you get what you pay for and £29.95 isn’t enough to assume they’re bomb proof. So there will always be the inherent risk that one punctures and the resultant mess will no doubt make me rue the day I didn’t go for water filled balloons which at least wouldn’t have coated me in a sticky mess if the worst happened. Then there’s the risk of discovery. As I mentioned above, socks are perfect for hiding in plain sight, rice filled stocking feet are a little more suspicious looking (but can be explained away as props for juggling practice although three rather than two would give more credence to that particular explanation) but a pair of anatomically accurate breast forms give nowhere to hide, not least that it’s nigh on impossible to explain them away with any other reason than their intended use (although I would appreciate any bright ideas in the comments below, I never know when I may need them).
But all of that is a bridge that I will cross when I come to it. For now, I’m beyond delighted with my purchase but I will still steer a wide berth around any pub hosting blindfold darts for obvious reasons.
17 Responses
I use non-silicon forms which are more durable. I’ve bought several pairs from Bosom Friends http://www.bosomfriends.co.uk, they aren’t much more expensive and are shipped in plain wrapping. There are multiple sizes and they last well, albeit they tend to pick up dye particularly if you’re wearing a black bra regularly.
More expensive but similar are PALS forms, available in the US but also sold by Fantasy Girl in the UK.
Helen, thank you for joining the discussion and for the advice. I can almost hear the stampede of the Brit readership here to ‘Bosom Friends’!
I have to confess that I do like the idea of non-silicone forms as there’s always the worry that any moisture on my silicone ones isn’t sweat but, rather, the contents making a bid for freedom (and I do recall a couple of the Amazon reviews when I was looking for mine suggesting that the quality was not always up to standard, particularly in the leak department).
I’ll certainly be giving Bosom Friends a try when my pair decide to call it a day.
Amanda,
As you may recall I tried various silicon forms ( actually borrowed from a friend when I forgot to pack mine ) I hated them , I found them sticky and too hot they didn’t fit as I preferred . As you know I found many years ago that water filled balloons ticked all the boxes BUT not until I found a way of inserting one inside the other to give a more flesh like feeling . I’m naturally a B cup so all I needed to achieve a 36c ( now a 38c ) was 8fl ozs in each side . Ignoring the price advantage they really do work , they shape nicely at the bottom of my bra and give lift to my natural boobs , they heat to very quickly to body heat , I have been using them for well over ten years and never had a burst simply because the rubber isn’t stressed , also hugging isn’t a problem as they feel very natural . I have worn them with strapless dresses without a problem . I wear them every single day , they usually last well over a year and even then when I try to burst them with scissors it’s difficult .
I tried to find a company that made a good substitute and when I described them they Emailed back to say how good they were and are thinking of producing something similar commercially .
I went to my first CD house party in 1978. I wore a dress I bought in a thrift store. Dont remember where I got my bra. My forms were 2 prs of socks.
Terri, I think we’d be hard pressed to find anyone who didn’t improvise with socks in their early days. I’m sure you were a hit at the party!
Teresa, I have to confess that when I wrote ‘I briefly toyed with the idea of water filled balloons and have heard of others who have used these to great effect’, you were one of the ‘others’ I was referring to!
My biggest problem is that I’m a cheapskate and if I went down the balloon route, there’s always the worry that I wouldn’t follow my own advice regarding cheap Chinese balloons from Poundland with depressingly predictable consequences. I’m glad to hear that your ‘balloonies’ respond well to hugging although I had a great aunt, long since departed, whose hugs were to be dreaded for their severity. Whether any water filled balloon could survive them is doubtful.
Your final paragraph is intriguing, though – I’m surprised that no one has exploited it commercially and with decent quality materials, there must be a reasonable market given what forms can cost.
Teresa, I have to confess that when I wrote ‘I briefly toyed with the idea of water filled balloons and have heard of others who have used these to great effect’, you were one of the ‘others’ I was referring to!
My biggest problem is that I’m a cheapskate and if I went down the balloon route, there’s always the worry that I wouldn’t follow my own advice regarding cheap Chinese balloons from Poundland with depressingly predictable consequences. I’m glad to hear that your ‘balloonies’ respond well to hugging although I had a great aunt, long since departed, whose hugs were to be dreaded for their severity. Whether any water filled balloon could survive them is doubtful.
Your final paragraph is intriguing, though – I’m surprised that no one has exploited it commercially and with decent quality materials, there must be a reasonable market given what forms can cost.
Amanda,
I always buy them from the party balloon suppliers the quality has to be better . I found a shop in my new home town it was quite an amusing conversation when I told her what I do with them , she the smiled and walked to the back of the shop and returned with a water filled balloon in both hands , she said she found them fantastic for weighing down balloon displays . She then squeezed them a few times and said what great boobs they must make . I admit I went into a panic when she revealed her new stocks were biodegradable , it turned out that applied to the PVC ones that can be seen caught up in hedgerows .
A company in the US tried but their valves were too cumbersome , a simple knot works for me .
Amanda: First of all, I appreciate the humour in your post, intentional or otherwise. I have had cheap silicone in the past but my one female friend who knows said they were too big. Now I am a rice woman–mainly because I am cheap, but also because I can adjust the size easily by having multiple pairs. I am not a hugger so that’s not a problem. I use the kitchen scales to make sure they are even and knee highs to hold the rice. I even fooled the friend mentioned above when I told her they were rice. If I trying to create cleavage, I use those sticky cups that you put over each breast and then clasp in the middle. The forms then go under and to the side of the cups.
Thanks for your other posts as well.
Donna
Donna, thank you for your kind words. I do try to inject a little humour where appropriate and this particular subject definitely warranted it not least to avoid any accusations that I may be a little too enthusiastic about the subject for my own good!
I’m definitely with you on the benefits of economy and I know from my own experience that rice ticks many boxes as far as we are concerned. As regards size, I fear your friend my have something to say about mine too. When I picked them up from the Amazon locker, my initial thought was that they looked rather big and I did toy with the idea of sending them back. However the realisation that if I wanted to return them, it would involve the local newsagent scanning the QR code and a photo of them popping up on his screen was all the incentive I needed to keep hold of them.
Thanks for the cleavage tip. It’s not something I’ve ever attempted but I’ve seen it demonstrated and, apart from creating a convincing cleavage, I think it’s also quite a good strategy for keeping the forms out of sight with V-neck tops.
Sorry just as a P.S. I know more people who used silicon forms and had them split .
Amanda, I started with socks but I folded them into a knee-high stocking and knotted the toe to simulate a nipple. That worked for years, until my friend pointed me to PALS, and they were on sale at the time. I got the 1200g pair and have loved them ever since. I wear a 38C or 40C bra, and they fit perfectly. I can create a little cleavage when needed – and I will use makeup to enhance the look.
As for discovery, I have the same concern. At this point in my experiences, if it happens, I will have to deal with the fallout. Beyond that, I don’t spend my time worrying, as I know my wife will not be looking where my stash is hidden. I just need to be aware when I bring anything out that it gets put back!
Tina, wow – 1200g! And who’d have thought that pairs of socks and knee highs could be used so creatively?!
As regards the fallout from discovery, I think getting the forms was the point at which I realised that I’d gone too far, at least in the context of what was agreed between Mrs A and me. It’s not so much the forms themselves – in the end, whether it’s socks, ‘ricies’, balloons or forms, they all serve the same purpose – but what they stand for. It’s very hard to give reassurance that there are no plans or wishes to take this further against the backdrop of realism that they evidence. For me, the day of reckoning is fast approaching, given the impending retirement of Mrs A, and I just hope it’s still ‘do what you have to do but I don’t want to see any of it’ rather than ‘I need to see where this is going’.
Amanda,
In keeping with KR’s combining music with post theme, when I first read this post the 2016 song by Bryant B. Bryant “I Like Big Boobs (And I Cannot Lie)” filled my head. (and I can’t get it out.)
Back in 1969-1971, I was watching a late night/early morning tv show on Las Vegas show girls and what they do to create their look. They took a flat chested woman and turned her into a big breasted show girl. They used tape. I have at best an A+/B- cup to begin with. Most of the time when I am home, I wear a VS bombshell (add two cup) bra in size A. It gives my breast and decent cleavage, and I love how my tassel necklaces dangle between them.
If I want larger breast, I have some silicon fish fillets that enlarge then to a C-D range.
If I want to dress up and shoe cleavage I use tape. I have side boobs, the fat/skin below my arm pits and want to use it as breast. I pull my breast towards the center and tape from the outside edge toward the center. The tape pulls the side boobs in and creates breasts that bounce. I also put my fish fillets in my bra to enlarge them even urther. I currently use KT-Tape but I have used blue painters’ tape too. I have a hairless chest, so I don’t worry about hair.
Cali
Cali, thanks for the advice. Coincidentally (or maybe we set a trend), today’s Femulate post covers boob fakery although I have to confess to a little disappointment firstly that ‘fish fillets’ weren’t mentioned (and I saw these demonstrated to great effect on a 2007 TV documentary about a UK crossdresser’s (Leah True) entry into the Miss International Queen pageant) and secondly, that the more creative approaches that many of us have adopted were described in less than positive terms:
“Socks, foam pads, fabric inserts, water-filled bags, and rice-filled stockings have long been used as inexpensive substitutes. They can work under modest clothing, although they usually lack the weight, movement, and consistent shape of commercial forms. Water-filled items can leak, and loose materials can shift, so they are less dependable for extended public wear.”
Obviously decent quality balloons are hard to find in Stana’s neighbourhood!!
I do have one pair of silicon breastfeeding forms which I do wear and live the weight and feel as I move, however they are very warm to wear and I need the right bra to support them. On most occasions I dress I stick with my old trusted rice filled forms and a padded bra as that enables me to get the right silhouette whatever I am wearing
Tanja, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree with you that the feel of silicone forms is a real benefit of them; I have a pocket bra for mine so there is a layer of cloth between the forms and my chest and I don’t think I’d feel quite so enthusiastic about them if they were in contact with my skin all day.
Nice to see another vote in favour of ‘ricies’ even if I’ve consigned mine to history!